


Ready to Fall

by Miss_Murdered



Series: Domino Arc [2]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Some Sap, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:12:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 66,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1550054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Murdered/pseuds/Miss_Murdered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Domino. After the events on L2, Heero and Duo have struggled to settle into normal civilian life. When an attempt is made on Relena's life, they find themselves thrown back into the world they left behind to fight a potential threat to peace. But maybe this time it's not about peace… maybe this time it's personal… 1x2x1</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothin'  
> A/N: Chapters 1 - 12 were beta'd by ELLE - the rest were done by me so any mistakes are my own. Chapters inspired by various songs again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Little Hell by City and Colour

The bar was a twenty minute drive away from the garage – it was the next town over and therefore allowed some anonymity. I didn't want to go to the local dive. We'd been their together, played pool and got a little drunk from time to time so they knew us. Knew us on sight as the queers who ran the garage and I didn't want the damn looks I didn't usually give a shit about or the speculation and gossip it would cause by going to Misty's stag. They'd ask, the friendly chick behind the bar would so ask and then the whole clientele of the bar would find out that we'd had a damn lovers tiff or something.

At this bar they didn't know me. It was in a bigger town so during the times I pissed Heero off enough to need to get away I could just pick one until I cooled down. Until he cooled down. Until we both could be in the same room and not try to knock each other's lights out.

The guy behind the bar was greying, wearing a lumberjack shirt and had a pretty impressive beard. Kinda reminded me of Howard in a weird way – that laid back old dude thing. He eyed me up as I took a stool at the bar.

"What can I getcha?"

"Bourbon straight."

He looked at me hard for two reasons. One I guessed was the awesome task of figuring out my age to work out if he needed to ID. Well, I learnt young that not getting ID'd was all about the confidence trick and ordering a drink that said you could damn well hold your drink. It was all about the attitude and I knew that. But I figured I still looked young, you know, so I reached for my wallet and produced a fake drivers license with a fake name and a fake date of birth and ... yeah, you guessed it, everything fake but the image of my face – that was all Duo Maxwell – but everything else was as fake as the smile on my face.

He nodded and reached for the bottle with another look at me – that would be the other reason he seemed reluctant to serve me. Yeah, it's not even twelve and I've gone for hard liquor – not for beer, not for some mixed drink crap – just good ol' fashioned alcohol. Which I guess is the sign of two things – hard core alcoholic, which I've so not gotten there yet, or emotional shit. Every good barman knows this, so I figure, as he just pours. Customer is always right and all that jazz. The whole great American service industry.

He pushed it over and placed the bottle back on the shelf behind him and I thought of doing the whole clichéd shit of saying "leave the bottle" but I was not going to do that. I needed to drive back home eventually – I was not calling Heero to pick my drunk ass up as he would likely just leave me here in his current state of mind and I'd totally deserve it. I don't actually know where it started this time. I've gotten used to it. So has he. That we don't do "couple" well, that the place is too small and we sure as hell don't do "normal" well. Who'd have thunk it – two guys who can pilot any mobile suit, plane, shuttle, who can assemble and reassemble guns without looking and know how to kill men in many  _many_ different ways – can't figure out how to do the whole functional and normal relationship thing. Ah yeah, I thought it but then I wanted this to somehow  _work,_  to have a home, someone to sleep with every night – I wanted it and somewhere along the line I forget that he's Heero-fucking-Yuy and that we're both pretty screwed up.

I think it might have been something to do with the bike. It could've been something about the parts I left on top of paper work – hell, it could've been about hair in the plug hole, socks on the floor or food that is growing new and exciting life forms in the fridge but, to be honest, it didn't actually matter what it was. It could be about the fact both of us are shit at getting sleep and we both have moods that fluctuate depending on whether we've had a particularly fun series of nightmares or that, you know, generally we're just not that compatible on a daily basis. So I don't exactly know what it was – but it would've descended into throwing stuff or punching each other… and yeah, there would've been a make-up fuck somewhere there but I figure that just defaulting to sex every time we have a fight is kinda not the healthiest way to have a relationship. Or maybe that's what you get when you have two ex-soldiers who are feeling pretty damn useless outta action and feeling washed up at twenty-one.

I downed my drink and felt that warming shudder of alcohol. It wasn't good stuff and I tried not to wince. Not so good for my masculinity to look like I can't take my damn alcohol when I feel that I was trained better to drink alcohol by the Sweepers than by G's actual Gundam pilot training. I always figure that I became a form of entertainment – figure out how much I could drink before I fell over or something. Hilarious. Though, I suppose, I gotta be grateful for that experience – I can hold my liquor.

"Another – make it a double."

"You want to be careful, kid."

"I know my limits."

I wanted to say something more insulting. That I'm twenty-one and I know my fucking limits. That I don't need a lecture about anything – about thinking more about my body and the stupid pacemaker that keeps my heart beating and all the things I really shouldn't do but I let the dude's comment slide.

"Do you want me to leave the bottle?"

This made me smile, a real damn smile as I'd been thinking about the damn cliché of the broken guy in the movies drinking his sorrows away and I shook my head. I'd drink the double slowly and leave – go back home, take a scenic route, take the bike out a bit further and go back to Heero and maybe make him tell me what the hell I did or whether it's just… him, you know, being him.

"Girl trouble?"

"Something like that," I said, taking a sip.

"Nothing can't be solved by flowers, chocolates and grovelling."

I chucked and took another swig. Nope, none of those things would work – hell, I don't think I even know the concept of grovelling. I barely know the concept of saying sorry. Maybe I buy him a new shiny gun that he can't use because we're off the grid. A part for his laptop. Some new spandex shorts, huh, the image made me want to laugh – I remember seeing him without those stupid shorts for the first time and thinking thank the fucking Lord.

"Guess so," I replied, being all friendly.

He wiped down the bar surface. "You gotta think, kid, that I've been married thirty two years and I learnt a trick or two."

"I'm sure have, pal," I said, the slightest smirk on my face, "but I really don't think it'll work."

"No chick is that complicated."

"It's a guy."

He stopped his whole cleaning the bar thing and gave me another look. Yeah, just because I don't ask for an appletini or something… I took another sip of the drink to let the old guy process the information. Usually, sexuality didn't mean shit or people's opinions didn't mean shit but this area ain't so cosmopolitan. The colonies were pretty damn accepting, the major cities were – a back water town? Not so much. I'm sure the area we had chosen wasn't a total wasteland of heterosexuality but I was also sure we'd be in a tiny minority. Definitely a tiny minority.

"Then I guess my advice ain't as useful as I thought," he said with a wry smile. Seemed I hadn't freaked the dude out. "Though I gotta a question for you, kid – do you love this guy?"

The question made me start. Did I love Heero? Well, we didn't exactly go around saying it or admitting it or being all in touch with our feelings but I guess, yeah, I did. I nodded.

"Then don't sit around drinking away your troubles. Face 'em head on."

Facing trouble head on was kinda our thing so it made sense. I usually didn't shy away from trouble being that my entire life seemed to be getting into trouble so it made sense. Face it head on. I could do that. Openly ask what the hell I'd done to piss him and go from there. It sounded grown up and mature and shit.

"Thanks… though I might need one more drink before I go back."

"One more?"

"Just the one."

He poured and I drank even more slowly. He walked away as another coupla guys entered the bar and he turned on a seriously old screen to some sports news and I thought about what we were doing and what we seemed to be screwing up all the time. Maybe this wasn't the life I wanted. I liked the whole garage thing, the cars, the doing something with my hands and stuff but really, hand on heart and all, it wasn't who I was. Yeah, I didn't want undercover operations with a shit load of morality issues. I didn't want guilt and nearly dying and the scum of the earth to be my daily grind but really, I couldn't deal being this separate. This remote. Not being useful.

But then we'd burnt that bridge pretty damn well. Left L2 and the Preventers without looking back. Might as well have told Une to kiss my ass like I wanted to for her decision to keep up separate from one another for all those years. We were not gonna be welcomed back with open arms, as we'd just gone – protocol be damned – and disappeared. Plus, I didn't feel all that damn confident about the Preventers in general. We knew information was being leaked out and though someone was dead, Murphy, shot dead in the L2 Conference Centre by Roth's little girl, I kinda figured he wasn't the only one and I sure thought that the organisation had a corrupt element.

It was a depressing thought. If we didn't belong in the Preventers and we didn't belong in so-called normal civilian life then like hell did I know what I wanted or what we needed in order to move forward together. It was a damn headache and one I know wouldn't be solved by the bottom of a bottle as much as I longed for that oblivion when shit got too hard to figure out.

My drink was nearly finished, a few more regulars had started arriving and I felt conscious that I wasn't a regular and was being speculated about – sure, look at the guy with the tattoos and the braid. Least the old dude had been pretty decent. Nice guy. I glanced over to the screen that was showing highlights from last night's baseball games and didn't take anything in until the broadcast stopped in the middle of the sports news to turn to something more serious.

I took the last sip of my drink, shrugged back into my leather jacket and was about to leave – money left on the counter, tip that was maybe a little high but it was also because somewhere in the well-meaning conversation had been some advice I needed to listen to. I figured that deserves more than the standard twenty percent. It made me miss Howard, he'd just tell me I was a fucking messed up brat and an ass pirate to boot and tell me to sort my shit out. It was then I realised the bar was all hush and the conversation, jukebox and whatever else made noise in this damn place, was no longer working and the screen's volume was being turned up.

"Shit."

It wasn't my most articulate display of words as I saw the news headlines rolling across the bottom banner of the screen and a familiar figure making a statement on the steps of Sanc Memorial Hospital and it suddenly became very clear that some serious shit had gone down. I reached for my back pocket where I'd usually keep my phone… oh yeah, I'd left fucking pissed and I'd not thought about picking it up on the grounds that I would've had to walk straight past him to the bedside table and he was doing that arms-folded-glare-shit and I was not going to react. I was going to do the dramatic walk out – thank you, ladies and gentleman, I am the king of the dramatic walk out and I kinda take pride in it. It loses its drama when you go back to collect your phone, you know.

Now all I'm thinking is that I'm in deep shit. Heero doesn't know where I am. And he's watching this – damn near he'll want to kill me, strangle me with my own braid – and as tends to happen, I'd totally deserve it.

"I can confirm that an attempt was made on the Vice Foreign Minister Darlian's life and she is currently undergoing surgery at Sanc Memorial Hospital."

"Commander Une – can you confirm whether you have the shooter in custody?"

"The shooter is dead."

"Can you tell us more about the Vice Foreign Minister's condition?"

The reporters were surrounding her like a damn horde of the living dead, held back by agents, throwing microphones in her face but she was composed and unfazed. Give the lady some credit for that.

"I am not able to answer any more questions at this time. A public statement will be made when we have more facts. Good day."

She turned and the image switched back to the studio – sports forgotten entirely and replaced by the now rolling news of Relena Darlian being shot and in critical condition at hospital. Shit.

I turned and left the bar, feeling like I really shouldn't drive over the speed limit considering my alcohol intake but knew there was somewhere I needed to be. Hell, to say Heero had complicated feelings towards Relena was the understatement of the century. Yeah, "feelings" did not mean romantic or sexual but they were confused and basically amounted to some kinda belief that she was the symbol of peace and he needed to understand that she was safe, cared for, and you know,  _there_  in the world for him to justify whatever shitty wartime actions he'd done. I know he'd been in touch with her since we came back to earth – encrypted channels and cloak and daggers shit. And I wouldn't deny him that. I have no particular feelings for the Princess either way. She was devastated when he disappeared after I did my whole rejecting him thing and I took her cash and tried to find him so there were times we'd spoken but I felt he held her a little too high on that pedestal, you know. It's not like I want to be placed on that damn pedestal – I do not need to be protected or saved – I am not the damsel in distress in this relationship even though he seems to have a habit of saving me more often that I would like… but hell, maybe I just feel confused too.

Time to just get on the damn bike and get back home. I put my braid down the back of jacket, zipping it up tight so that it didn't flail behind me and secured my helmet before revving and leaving the small bar behind. I thought about the old dude who would think I'd gone back home to face my troubles but really I was heading home because there was something bigger going on.

The drive was shorter than it should've been. I pushed the bike hard, to the limit, felt adrenalin that I hadn't felt truly for so long… felt a bit of who I used to be. The guy who didn't give a shit – the guy who didn't think of my personal safety if there was a job that needed doing and not the guy messing with cars in the middle of nowhere. It didn't surprise me when I pulled in to see Heero standing against the door of the store front, arms folded across his chest and his face completely expressionless only helped by the Ray Bans that hid his eyes. I stood no chance figuring out his moods when his eyes were covered. Figured why he'd done it. Petty shit. He knows I feel like I'm at a disadvantage when I can't see into his eyes so he damn well goes and does that.

The moment I've parked up and got rid of the helmet is the one I realise that this all falls into more dangerous relationship shit as he's got two bags with him – one is his duffle and one is mine – mine that has been hidden in the back of the closet since we went ahead and tried this real relationship shit. The bag that has been packed from the moment I moved in with him and attempted to make a life. A bag with fake IDs and clothes and cash – yeah, plenty of cash in various currencies and it's my go bag. I could justify it and say that one day I figured Roth would try and find us for killing his kid but it ain't because of that and I don't lie.

It's because I don't like being trapped. It's because maybe I was afraid one day I'd have to run from this. It's because maybe I doubted that this would work between us and for that reason I don't say anything as he throws it over to me.

"We have a flight."

"You want me with?"

Ah, yeah, pretty obvious he wants you with, Duo, as he's thrown the duffle bag at you with force and he's doing a good impression of your pissy stompy walk thing towards the car.

He didn't answer and instead puts his bag in the trunk and looks towards me expecting me to do the same. Or I'm guessing. His body language is totally rigid and all military training shit rather than the man I thought I'd been living with – he'd gotten rid of some of that good posture and that standing like a soldier but when in emotional turmoil ... go back to what you know, I guess.

"I need to grab my phone and put the bike away, give me a few, okay?"

At least he nodded as I threw in my bag to join his. He slammed the trunk down with the same amount of force and I reached out a second to touch his hand.

"She'll be okay, you know."

"She's in critical condition."

"Yeah, but she's the chick who came in between a mobile suit battle and lived. You need a lot more than a gun to kill that girl."

I didn't know how serious, neither of us did, and I didn't question that we were going – if Heero felt he needed to be there, then so be it, we'll be there. I picked up a few things in the apartment, changed my t-shirt for the only thing that resembled a shirt and grabbed the phone that I'd left behind. I stood for a moment in this place – the place we'd spent over a year in making our own and trying to find our way. It had been too small, we'd been too damn close and it had been hard figuring everything out but it had been us, just us, and we'd been off everyone's radar and hidden and free. And though I missed the action and missed something, I now felt nostalgic for this life we'd had as it was gonna be over the moment we stepped off a plane in Sanc.

No longer out of touch. No longer just a mechanic and an IT guy. Now we were going to be former Gundam pilots and ex-Preventers and suddenly I figured we should've made a better attempt at this life as really, we could've made it better if both of us had tried.

 


	2. Things You Should Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Munich - Editors

The drive was pretty silent. I wasn't in the mood to make conversation and I still felt the slight hint of alcohol in my system. I put the radio on but the whole world had started speculating about the condition of a certain princess so I turned it off and put my feet up on the dash, not giving a shit about the dust and dirt I left there.

This was technically his car – practical and boring and shit so I know he damn well looked at me doing it but I still did it as I sat looking through my phone and figuring out who I needed to contact and what jobs I should be doing. Not as easy to run anymore, I figured, no longer as easy as just picking up the go bag despite the fact that I had it packed and ready to go. I looked over to him and put my boots down, rubbed away the hint of mud I'd left behind. I hadn't asked where we were headed – just went along on blind faith and I decided I should ask. Make conversation. Hell, that was damn near impossible when Heero was in his current frame of mind.

"Which airport?"

"Private airfield."

"Distance?"

He glanced at the dash and was calculating, he may have been wearing shades but his mind works in certain ways and in those ways I was well versed. He was calculating distance and speed and how far we'd already travelled to give me an accurate number. Something I still don't know how he does.

"Approximately 45 miles."

"Approximately, 'Ro? You losing your touch being out of action?"

The stab at humour was probably a little misjudged but I figured it was better than the deafening silence of the car ride.

"I cannot calculate potential traffic hazards."

"Yeah," I said, a little resigned and turned to look out of the window at the dusty roads around us. "Can't calculate what you don't know."

Too much we didn't know. I didn't want to say the thing that he was probably thinking as much as I was. If she'd died, we'd know. They'd announce it. It would become the world's biggest news story within minutes so I don't say it. Instead, I looked back at the phone, at the schedule for an old Cadillac wreck I'd been paid a damn nice deposit for the repair and then closed down the screen and shoved it back in my pocket.

"I'm guessing Quatre."

"Yeah."

He hadn't explicitly said why we would be going to be a private airfield but I had two guesses in mind. One was the Preventers but considering our amazing disappearing act, that was a long shot, so my other guess was blondie.

"Thought they were in the colonies," I said, now studying the grime and grit that always seemed to live under my nails and picking it at as this car journey was awkward.

"San Francisco."

That was probably all the words I would get from him unless I pushed and right now, pushing was not the best move. But I'm not usually known for doing the best thing – the right thing. Evidenced by the fact I'm twenty one and my heart only beats with the help of a tiny device so I just go ahead. If he wants to block me out, he can go ahead but I figured we were better to do this  _here_ , in our car, rather than in front of Quatre and Trowa. Or in Sanc where there would be press and Preventers and the issue of whether Relena was going to survive.

"I wasn't planning on leaving, you know, I just had it in case shit got bad."

It was true. I never truly planned on bailing. I just never truly planned on staying either, somewhere, deep down, I just wasn't a 'one place' kinda guy and I didn't know how to explain that in a way that didn't hurt Heero. As I never wanted to be away from him, I just wanted to know I could move. Fuck if I knew how to explain myself. Let's just say I have a shitload of intimacy issues and leave it at that.

Heero didn't answer, focused, mouth set in a straight line and I wished we weren't driving and we weren't driving towards a flight to the Sanc Kingdom. I wanted to make him look at me.

"'Ro… talk to me."

"You had fake IDs."

"Yeah."

"And money in multiple currencies."

"Well, yeah…"

"And you weren't planning on leaving?"

"No. It was just, you know, there."

Wow. Excellent display of articulateness but I figured that the conversation was over as Heero actually turned on the radio – something I have never seen him do which signalled the fact that he really did not want to talk.

The rest of the car journey was in the less than comfortable silence between us as some music that neither of us liked played quietly in the background on the only radio station that wasn't giving minute by minute updates on Relena's condition. The not talking thing was more reassuring than anything we could discuss. Probably best to let our emotional shit stay underneath the surface. We were both pretty awesome at that. He hid behind his stone wall and I went for the smirk and humour. Both had exactly the same effect.

The private airfield expected us and I would expect no less of Quatre as we were let through gates after a good look at both of us by a dumb looking security guy. A guy who looked like a donut eating cliché. And then Heero pulled the car up on the tarmac off the runway and we got out, grabbed bags, and leaned against it waiting for the jet to land. I thought for a second about leaving the car in a random place but hell, I didn't know how long it would be until we came back or if we ever would. The whole go bag issue could be the end of us. The pressure of Relena coming close to death could be. It wasn't a nice thought so I buried it. Deal with it later. I stood close enough to him against the car that we could touch but we didn't, that small barrier of distance between us as I put my aviators on and looked up to see the descent of the jet.

I raised my hand to my eyes as it began its landing, watching the process I knew so damn well from the other side. There was a rush to landing – not quite as awesome as taking off but there was a rush.

I whistled as the private jet landed. I'd always guessed that Quat had shit like that. Always figured that he'd have a private shuttle and private jet and a yacht and whatever but I'd never really seen the full extent of his wealth. It didn't have obvious markings – I kinda expected a huge Winner Corporations logo in big fuck off lettering but maybe that is not entirely wise being that he was a public target who received a large quantity of death threats in his day to day life. Instead there was no indication it belonged to him at all. It was vaguely disappointing.

The landing made somewhere deep down in me sting – there was nothing on earth or the colonies that compared with piloting – yeah, great sex was fucking incredible and the pure adrenalin of being on the edge of death in the middle of mission had some excitement but piloting, it's in your blood and seeing the jet land smoothly made my heart race. I glanced over to Heero to see if he had some feelings on this – I knew he did, that deep down, like me he'd never felt a rush quite like that. And yeah, piloting a private jet would be nothing like a Gundam, hell, nothing like a space shuttle and getting into L3 X-18999 without dying and exploding but it brought with it longing that I couldn't describe to someone who didn't know it. I was kinda happy to be a passenger most of the damn time but as the stairs descended, there was a part of me that just wanted to shanghai the thing and remember what it felt like to control something like that and fly.

With the stair's descent appeared a familiar blonde head and that was followed by Trowa. I tried to think of the last time we'd spoken. The last time we'd seen them was fucking forever but that was all Q. He was still overseeing the final parts of the L2 Project and whatever else the earth sphere's richest twenty one year old does with his time and well, that life didn't really have much time for old war buddies. It seemed like we all needed a motherfucking crisis to get us in the same room. I thought about making a joke about it but then it felt wrong because Wufei wasn't with us and technically it ain't all of us. And 'Fei, shit, I hadn't spoken to him since he kissed my forehead and did the damn honourable thing – even though I'd royally fucked him over. I'd heard from Quat he'd left undercover ops in a storm cloud and had gone to a different division of the Preventers whenever we'd last spoken… which was a million years ago.

Wufei wasn't something me and 'Ro talked about – mainly because I'd declared some kind of feelings for him on that stupid recording Heero heard when I was hoping I was going to die. Being alive, having my heart artificially kept beating and generally having Heero hear Duo feelings vomit was not something we discussed and 'Fei was not a topic that I'd brought up for so long.

There are some things that will never cease to amaze me about Quatre and I'm thinking about that when we exchange a big manly bro hug – or maybe not so manly but we're both not smiling despite the long term absence. There's still this openness despite all the shit – all the bad stuff, Quat knows, he ain't naïve, and sure as fuck Trowa can't hide all the threats that have been made on his life, but then he just goes ahead. Doesn't care. Tries to make things better – tries to atone like we all do in our own little ways.

When Quat released me, I gave him a lopsided smile.

"I'd say it's good to see you guys but under the circumstances it kinda sucks."

I get a small smile and Quat turned to Heero. I'm guessing that Heero and Trowa have some sort of silent greeting and I just did a raise of my eyebrows to acknowledge him – fuck if I will  _ever_ know what to say to that guy. Give me a hundred years and a full psyche evaluation and I'd still never know. Yeah, at times, even I don't have a witty line and lose my supply of seemingly endless sarcasm.

"Heero," he said, sympathy that he wouldn't want or need in his voice.

I'm surprised at Quatre's utter fearlessness as he hugs Heero in a kinda awkward way. Physical contact is definitely one of those areas that Heero still struggles with. I've gotten somewhere – when we were around town, he'd let me lean against him and shit like that – but other people? Not so much. The only reason he doesn't physically flinch is that it is Quatre and he is one of us. But its awkward and clearly only one person is engaging the hug. When he stepped back, Heero nodded and that was apparently all his greeting. I wanted to make a joke about how me and Quat had ended up with a coupla of silent types with issues but right now… I'm still figuring that lightning the mood is not a good move.

"She's still in surgery, Wufei sent us the initial report and it looks promising. The bullet entered her in the lower abdomen. It appeared to miss anything vital," Quatre explained but directed his words to Heero.

"They know who?" I asked.

"We have the report on a tablet – you can look when the wheels are up."

"Then lead the way."

I readjusted my bag over my shoulder and let Heero go in front of me to board up the small set of stairs. I'd never been on a private jet and there was a certain flashiness and wealth about the whole thing that made me attempt to rub some of the dust off the soles of my boots – not that it would do any good.

On entering, I saw the door to the cockpit open and instantly recognised the pilot and co-pilot. Felt like a million years ago. Rashid stood but Abdul remained in the co-pilot chair, just looked over his sunglasses at me and I raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Master Duo," Rashid said and offered his hand in greeting.

Standing in the cockpit door, it reminded me of meeting the Maganacs at fifteen and thinking that Rashid was freaking tall but now at twenty one I was still thinking the same. I thought maybe becoming a fully-fledged adult would make him less intimidating but hell, I suppose, he was a big guy and I'd not been blessed with height.

"You know, you really don't have to do the master shit," I said, embarrassed, releasing his hand scratching the back of my head.

"Oh, he does," Quatre said and I turned to see the extent of the luxury provided by a private jet and tried not to react like the poor relation who doesn't know how to act in polite company or something.

The seats were nothing like standard shuttle flights, four in large plush leather, a table in between them with an arrangement of flowers and a fruit basket and muffins. Jesus, I just sometimes totally forgot this – that this was where Quatre came from and no wonder he'd had a ton of guilt over how things had happened between us as he could afford this and I couldn't have afforded to buy the stolen motorcycle I'd been on all those years ago at that party in Sanc. Oh wait, I could. Just with stolen funds.

Quat and Tro were settling back into seats and I let Heero take the window seat for some reason – I felt his mood was not entirely conducive for conversation so the fact that he could look out and watch the sky or something might be soothing for him. Fuck did I know despite the fact he'd removed his sunglasses, putting them in his duffle which he left at the side of his feet and I did the same with my own. I sat down next to him feeling weird to be on a flight surrounded by this level of luxury. No fighting over arm rests. Seats so large that it was damn near impossible to touch Heero never mind irritate him.

"No leggy blonde air hostesses, huh, Quat?"

"I travel with minimal staff – makes security easier, less people know my whereabouts," he replied, his eyes glancing towards Trowa who nodded at that.

The door was being closed and pre-flight checks were being done and Trowa silently passed over a tablet to Heero, the relevant pages already open of whatever preliminary report was available. I leaned over the armrest to see the supply of crime scene photographs and the limited intelligence that was currently available.

"They don't know who or why yet," Quatre said, as I watched Heero quickly flick through pages of text and images. "All they know is that at an official function, a single gunman opened fire who had been employed as a waiter for the evening."

I straightened up and looked at Quatre as the sound of the engines reverberated and the jet began to move. Our conversation stalled as the jet had stopped in place for its ascent and then the sudden feeling of take-off, of engine on full throttle and the seemingly impossible fight between gravity and machine that we all knew damn well – the fight that the pilot won as I saw the ground disappear from my vantage point and the jet continue to climb. None of us felt any fear of take-off considering our considerable experience – tell me there are four guys who are twenty one in the same room who've had more flight time than us collectively and I'll tell say you're a liar – but maybe there's a reverence or something about it. Maybe we all miss it. I'm sure Quatre or Trowa could just pilot the thing if they wanted. I would ask Quat if they still did. Ask if I could borrow the thing and pilot it to Vegas or something.

"They check that shit," I said finally, after the jet had levelled, "they don't just let a terrorist pretend to be a waiter. It's Sanc."

Quatre shrugged. "They missed him. His background check was completely clear. The Preventers think false identity and one that was very complicated – finger prints amended somehow. He had help."

The image of the shooter was on the tablet. A name attached. Aaron Jones. It sounded pretty damn dull as I looked over Heero's shoulder at the guy. He looked young. And the text stated he was British, educated in London and had travelled to Sanc to complete his post graduate study. He'd taken a job for a catering company – a heavily vetted and high class catering company through a recommendation from a rich family member. And that's how he'd ended up in but it still seemed impossible to me – the security checks for employees and visitors and fucking anybody's admittance into the Sanc palace was extreme and I don't understand how one average looking guy could bypass that.

I turned back to Quatre and Trowa leaving Heero to scan through the same set of images. "How close did the shooter get?"

"Within a foot according to eye witnesses," Trowa answered, the first thing I'd heard him say in this whole reunion. But then his job was security and it was him probably critiquing the team that had allowed someone to get within that distance to their intended target. I imagine nobody got that near Q – Trowa had that whole protective bullshit thing and I'm sure he'd rip someone limb from limb if something happened to Quat. Probably made him the best fucking head of security ever. Plus, he had lions – shit if that's not a scary thought.

"Then why ain't she dead?"

I heard myself say the sentence before the inevitable "fuck, I shouldn't say that" thing had kicked in. I realised I'd said the words that no one else dared speak – and I'd been too motherfucking blunt. Oh, well, can't take it back.

"If he got that close then you shoot to kill. You shoot to the head, the heart… vital organs," I said realising how terribly insensitive I am being but, you know, once you start, can't fucking stop. "But she's alive. The stomach. It hurts but it don't kill unless she don't receive medical attention straight away. That suggests to me that they don't want her dead."

My whole theory is unwelcome from the other occupants of the jet and I figured that.

"Duo's right. Getting that close to a target should guarantee a kill," Heero agreed, his voice monotone but I looked over at him and tried to be reassuring.

That stopped the discussions with a bang and I realised we were all probably lost in our own thoughts. Quatre made a comment about getting some sleep and it proved a good idea – guessed none of us would know when we'd sleep again once we landed so the lights got dimmed and the windows shutters put down as we flew over the continental United States towards the Atlantic Ocean.

I looked over to Heero who'd finally put down the tablet having read every detail a dozen times. He did not need to read something more than once usually but now he'd read everything so many times and looked at every crime scene photograph so closely. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he rested his head so that he looked away from me. My gaze shifted to where Quat and Tro were, both apparently sleeping though with former Gundam pilots, they might not be. Could be just using relaxation techniques, breathing deeply and trying to force sleep and rest.

The armrest had been moved between them and Quatre was leaning against Trowa's shoulder. It was not an overly sweet or romantic position. There were no arms around each other, instead, just this gentle touch. I'd observed them in the past and seen that while they so weren't a perfect couple – I knew that, from Quatre, from the fact that the extent of their relationship was hidden and the shit storm of pressure that put on them – but they looked natural together. And it felt almost too intimate to observe it. It was like, I could handle seeing them make out or something but that's all about lust and shit, but that sitting together and being vulnerable and connected – that was more intimate than any sexual position or anything me and Heero had ever done together. It made me look back towards Heero, seeing his hand loose on the arm rest that still divided us despite the fact we did not need to hide us,  _this,_  on board a private jet with friends and some employees of said friend. I reached out to his fingers, twining them with my own cautiously and looking at that connection rather than his face in the low level lighting of the cabin. I couldn't say sorry or tell him that everything was okay but I could touch him and that… right now, that had to be enough.

"Do you want us to be like that?" he said, quietly, in the gloom.

I blinked and looked up, realising what Heero was asking me. It made me pause. I had no snappy retort or quick and smart comeback for that. I didn't need to do that – be like Quatre and Trowa. I needed him but I didn't need constant reassurance physically or even emotionally. Maybe I was a little too independent. Maybe we both were. My focus went back our hands, both callused from too many battles and too many violent incidents.

"Naw, just want us to be like us."

 


	3. She Didn't Choose This Role

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Time to Dance - Panic! At the Disco

It was morning by the time the jet made its final descent into New Port City and we'd crossed something like five damn time zones in the process. There had been intermittent sleeping between us all and then hushed conversations and passing the tablet around as though one of us might be able to figure something out that the other's couldn't even though the initial report was as informative as a gossip column in a shitty magazine.

I'd wished I'd brought headphones or something but then this trip wasn't planned and despite having a go bag ready, I didn't actually keep anything fun in it so when I was awake I spent my time watching Heero sleep or thinking – which sucks. Despite the extreme comfort of the private jet, it wasn't a fun flight and it seemed to be spent ignoring each other's eyes a lot.

The landing was smooth as the wheels hit the tarmac and I could totally see the advantage of the whole private jet thing – no waiting for irritating passengers, the door opens and boom – out into the cooler climes of Northern Europe. It had been so freaking long since I'd been in Sanc that I'd forgotten the whole temperature thing – used to the warmth of settling down in one location that I hadn't had a whole lot of forethought about the climate. Heero had. He shrugged on his denim jacket over his t-shirt and I purposefully didn't roll my eyes – even in emotional confusion, there is a touch of practicality to his mental process and he'd thought about this shit. I hadn't spent a large amount of time in Sanc and it felt frosty as I made my way down the stairs and to where I saw a black town car parked. I should grab a hoodie outta my bag but felt that wasn't really Sanc worthy clothing.

It wasn't surprising to see who was leaning against the car, Preventer uniform and all, and then it made five. He exchanged pleasantries with Quatre and Trowa before it became apparent that it was only us left to say something.

"Yuy," he said, inclining his head.

"Chang."

It wasn't exactly hostile but then it wasn't actually the most friendly reunion I'd ever seen. I felt vaguely awkward as I offered a hand which he accepted and the handshake seemed weird and outta step. I'm not a handshake kinda guy anyway so it felt odd considering the last time we'd seen each other I was in a hospital and he kissed my forehead.

"Long time no see, 'Fei."

The smallest of smiles was on his face – I still guess no one got away with calling him 'Fei apart from yours truly so I guess he'd not heard that since L2.

"Maxwell," he began but didn't say anything more as though he could feel the glare on the back of his neck.

I knew the hostility wasn't all down to whatever fucked up feelings I had for Wufei – I knew Heero still blamed him for three years of thinking I was dead or whatever the hell he tormented himself with in the dark of the night on cold undercover jobs. But I also figured that there was something to it from the whole professed feelings on a recording device – that I had said that Wufei was there for me when Heero wasn't and that we could've had something. So basically it amounted to awkwardness that was not needed and for which I was almost entirely to blame. The car ride was going to be fun – just as trip to the other side of the world had been.

Wufei jumped into the driver's seat and in some silent understanding thing, Trowa called shotgun without a word which then left me to sit in between Heero and Quat, trying not to say shit to make the situation worse. There was no real discussion of where we were going – if we were separating – as it was acknowledged we'd be driving towards Sanc Memorial Hospital and that was where we were headed. I looked out past Heero's head at the locations that passed us by – New Port City had been rebuilt after the war, the great rebuilding project, and a lot of restoration work had happened. The place reeked of money and I'd always felt like I didn't belong in the place. Always felt awkward, like this was no place for me and not just being from L2 or being an ex-street rat or something, it was the amount of violence and killing I'd done too. Didn't want to sit in a place that prided itself on talk of pacifism and was all about old money.

"She is out of surgery," Wufei said. "The doctors see no reason why she will not make a complete recovery."

My hand sought out Heero's but he pushed it aside like he didn't want my touch. I looked up to his eyes and there was a clear message there – this was now a mission and shit if I was going to distract and act, you know, like the man he'd been fucking. It rankled, it damn near hurt and I felt I probably deserved it for the whole go bag situation – that I deserved his pissed reaction and his reverting back to mission shit – but it didn't mean I had to like it.

Instead, I turned my head to look out of the other window and towards Quatre who seemed to have figured something out by the tiniest changes of body language. He quirked his eyebrow subtly and I just shrugged my shoulders. Fuck, I didn't need to bring our relationship shit out  _now_ and sure as hell I was not going to do in front of the guys. Wasn't needed.

Little else was said for the rest of the journey. I figured if I wasn't talking or Quat wasn't then there wasn't really anyone to keep up the small talk so we just descended into silence. I figured we were all tired. I knew the four of us hadn't slept properly on the flight despite the leather reclining seats and sure as hell, I did not know when Wufei last slept as I'd seen the hint of tiredness.

The drive up to the hospital made my stomach drop. The press were all camped out, the vans with names of news networks emblazoned across them, and I guessed that this was fucking it – that if the five of us got out of the town car together then no matter how well my identity was scrubbed out it would still make some front page news. Thankfully, and I am truly thankful to whichever fucking god, Wufei didn't drive to the main parking lot and the front of the hospital, instead opting for some back entrance, a supply entrance located around the side, and there were numerous Preventer agents guarding the area. I felt the tension in Heero's body ease beside me – a tension I hadn't realised he was feeling until I felt him relax. Maybe he thought the same thing as me. I liked some anonymity – I didn't want to become Quatre, I didn't want to be visible. We'd been visible at sixteen and I'd hated every moment of it – I never wanted that again.

Once we stopped, the car doors were opened by helpful agents and Wufei handed over the keys to a young dude who gave a swift "yes, sir" to Agent Chang. I raised my eyebrows slightly at the deference and shit sacredness of that agent as I followed Heero outta his side of the vehicle, grabbing our bags to take with us. It seemed maybe despite the change of role or demotion or whatever the fuck had happened in the blast radius of a screwed up mission on L2 – Wufei was still a shit scary agent and the lesser agent knew that.

We entered the hospital through a side door that cut through a kitchen and we were being led past numerous guards at what I presumed worked like checkpoints. It really did pay to be the former Queen of the fucking World as the amount of security was freaking incredible and it seemed only the fact that that we were expected was letting us through these security checks without elaborate screenings. I did not want to think about the staff of Sanc Memorial. I imagined that they would've had their entire pasts looked into – every speeding ticket, every drunken brawl, hell every attempt to pick up a hooker seen – and only those with the squeakiest, cleanest pasts would be allowed to remain in the hospital. I also saw that there were not many patients around which I figured. They'd have been moved, those who could and weren't, you know, dying transferred to some other location and no regular visiting for families. I wondered if Relena would like that – I figured she wouldn't want all this shit done because of her – girl thought too damn much about the rest of the world and had that whole caring too much thing going on. Could remember her big eyes pleading with me to find Heero – just so that she  _knew_ he hadn't died or something.

Didn't tell her as I looked into those eyes that I knew he hadn't died because, fuck, if he had I would've followed him as it would've been my damn fault.

The floor that the Princess was on was even more heavily guarded and a door opened into a waiting area that was full of people – too many damn people. Relena's staff and Preventers and nurses and doctors and now us. I wanted to exit pretty darn swiftly now – there was a vague understanding of why Heero would want to be here and Wufei was a Preventer so yeah, their presence had a point of some kind. Quatre was Quatre and had connections and shit so I assumed that, at times, his path crossed with Relena's and so that made sense. And obviously Trowa followed him around like a body guard/lover crossbreed or something. Though right now the whole 'lover' thing was dropped totally as a conversation was struck between a man and Quatre and the politic speak went over my head as I just fought the fight or flight impulse. Maybe Heero wanted me to act subtle and all but then he'd not told me to go – though maybe he figured after the whole bag shit that telling me to go would be like giving me an invitation to leave him. Fuck knew.

And I really didn't want to be here when there was Sally, Noin and – Jesus, Christ, damn Merquise – yeah, I figured that being a big bro and all would entitle him to be here but I just forgot all these people I'd not seen since the damn war. Or just after before I went undercover. It would be like some big party if not for the fact that Relena was lying in a hospital bed.

It meant we made awkward conversation about where we'd been and Relena's condition until Heero left me alone to go talk to her security team and I just looked at him and said "fine" – leaving me in a place I sure as hell didn't want to be or belong, drinking bad machine coffee and not making conversation as I silently sat waiting.

We'd been at the hospital a few hours when Quat decided that they should leave and check into the hotel and I decided to go with but figured at least I should find Heero to see if he was actually going to come as there was nothing we could do at this damn hospital and I needed sleep. And he probably did too. Even superman needs sleep. With a look from the Preventer agents guarding, they let me along the corridor that Heero had left down hours ago and then I stopped in the doorway of what was Relena's room.

I looked in on the room and half expected Heero to be there, head bowed or something in the darkening light and her to be covered in wires and machines. She was covered in wires and machines but he wasn't there – remembered that he was probably talking with her security detail still and I was about to turn around and leave the Princess to her slumber when I heard the smallest damn voice.

"Duo?"

I didn't wince or anything at the sound of my name and I looked at the beefy agent at the door who only nodded in response and I went inside. I guess I'm still too damn distinctive to be not recognised as I hovered in the doorway before I walked across the room and realised there was no one in here. All those people in the waiting room discussing her and the press and the shooter and here she was, alone and hurt.

"Hey, Princess," I said and she wrinkled her nose at the use of the word.

"You were the only one who ever called me that."

"I'm the only one who calls a lotta people a lotta things. I can get away with it, you know. I'm kinda adorable."

She smiled – I was going for a laugh at least but I guessed she was still kinda outta it. I've been shot, I've been in the hospital and those drugs, which while they are fucking  _amazing,_  do strange shit to both mind and body so I sympathised a little with the chick. I'm used to people not getting my humour, too. I lived with Heero, after all.

"I should get someone, you don't wanna be alone."

"No, they'll only fuss and say what we need to do and I…" she stopped mid-sentence and her brows knotted together and she looked stumped.

"I could get Noin or somethin'," I said, putting one hand in my pocket and held onto my duffle with other and felt damn awkward. I felt I really shouldn't be in here. I so wasn't the one meant to be talking to Relena. We'd had less conversations than I had fingers and I figured that she was wasting her valuable time having a rambling conversation with me. "Your brother's outside and I'm sure the Preventers wanna talk to you as soon as possible."

"No. Please. Stay."

Those words made me feel more than weird and she made a gesture that suggested I take the chair that was located next to her bed. I decided to shrug and go with it. Maybe she just wanted someone and I was less demanding than her staff or some Preventer agent. Her eyes fluttered shut in a way I'd felt before myself – that whole slightly weird sensation like the world is suddenly made of water or glass or something and consciousness is something slippy and weird. I thought about leaving if the chick was going to sleep like her body needed but in my attempt to move she stirred. And I'm damn stealthy.

"Where were you shot?" she asked like we were talking about where the tea was or something.

"Shoulder."

"Did it hurt?"

"Don't really remember, was kinda having a heart attack at the same time so," I shrugged, "you know."

"Can I see?"

I blinked at her and I'm guessing my face said it all. She wanted to see where I'd been shot – hell the girl must be really out of it if she wanted to see  _that_. It wasn't the best scar I had. That was the one over my heart, that vertical cut that showed what an ass I'd been and worked as the best damn reminder of how close I'd actually danced with death.

"I think you're high, Princess."

"I want to see the scar," she said, pouting.

The girl is the Vice Foreign Minister and she's pouting like a five year old who wants cookies and I can't help the small quirk of my lips. Hell, I really don't think she has any interest in my body as there is only one former Gundam pilot she'd want to see shirtless and at least I'd changed outta a t-shirt so I undid the top few buttons, sliding it down to the small pucker that indicated where Zee's bullet had entered my body. Like I said, not an impressive wound and I redid my shirt feeling like this was the sort of scene nobody wanted to walk in on – they'd maybe think it was creepy and weird. I thought it was creepy and weird.

"It hurt when I was shot."

I was thinking this was the weirdest fucking conversation I'd ever had. Her language seemed to be descending into something kid-like I realised her hand was on the drug control button – which would explain the slight slurring.

"It generally does. Kinda why it's best to avoid being shot. Ask Heero."

She giggled. Damn giggled, and I decided this was my moment to leave before it descended into something.

"He told me he loved you," she said and it was in a singsong kinda way. Again, like a child and I decided to deflect this as I really couldn't imagine Heero telling her that. He didn't tell  _me_ that and I was the one in his bed.

"I think you've had too many drugs to be talkin' to me."

"I have had the right amount." She looked kinda hazy.

"Yeah, I bet you say that when you've had too much booze… remind me to get you drunk sometime when you've not just been shot."

She just pursed her lips together and hmmm'd and I got up to go and find Heero like I'd originally intended.

"I'd like to get drunk… I never have."

I looked down at her in that bed and felt sorry for that chick more than anything. She'd become a symbol not a person, she'd been forced into a very adult world at a young age and I'd escaped that. I'd done the drunken wanderings, I'd lived a little, but she hadn't and she was now lying alone and kinda outta her mind a little and it was a little sad. She was used to being strong but nearly dying puts a lot of shit into perspective, let me tell you, and she wanted someone who wasn't going to talk to her about duty or any of that shit. And so that left me. Duo Maxwell for your comic amusement.

"You know Quat has this freaking awesome private jet and we'll all go and we'll hit Vegas and we'll all rock the suits and you can do the slutty dress," I began and she raised her eyebrows at the slutty dress comment so I redacted, "okay, not slutty but classy or somethin'. Better?"

"Better."

"And we bet on black all night because it's gotta come out at some point, you know? And then we get wasted and I let you do jello shots off Heero's abs. Sound like a plan?"

I think the jello shot comment took a moment for her to comprehend or maybe the drugs were making her drowsy.

"Jello shots?"

"Yeah and I mean, hell, Heero still works out and stuff so they're rock hard and I'm giving you total permission here so yeah."

Her face splits into a girlish grin that makes her look less of the young stateswoman or whatever she is and more like a normal twenty one year old. Even in her drugged state, she probably knows I'm talking complete bullshit as Heero would never let me do that to him but we seem to be sharing some kinda moment and she looks happier so I'm taking it as a win.

"You are good for him," she said, finally.

"Princess, you are so the only one that thinks that."

"No… you are. I see that now."

Relena made a muffled noise and her eyes fluttered and I guessed I could finally make my escape. I walked quietly and almost felt like muttering under my breath. I didn't see that. There would have to be someone out there better than me for him but instead, I just left her in the low light and let her get the sleep she damn well needed.

 


	4. Savour Hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - God & Satan - Biffy Clyro

The hotel was as swanky as I expected and I entered into what was meant to be mine and Heero's room alone, finding out it was in the general vicinity of Quat and Tro's which was located a coupla doors down the hallway. I didn't allow the bellhop to take Heero's duffle or mine as I didn't want to be separated from my shit. It was an instinct I'd always had. That as a kid when you had so few damn belongings what you did have you guarded with fists and teeth and whatever. I never let bags go in cargo holds of shuttles, I kept them in the overhead lockers, I didn't like people touching my shit and I supposed I'd always be the same. That I'd come a long way from the streets, heck, I knew that as I dropped the bags on the bed and walked over to the window and balcony that overlooked a beautiful leafy green park – but however far I came somewhere in me was that little street kid with wild hair who listened to Solo's lessons like they were the fucking ten commandments or something. Never let anyone near your shit unless you want it stolen.

Lesson learnt.

Heero didn't come with us. I found him in what had become a security war room sitting at a laptop already looking like he'd taken over command of the security staff as they were being all deferential and following his orders. I told him I'd take his bag and that he could pick up another card key for our room at the reception desk as I was gonna do, you know, what normal people do, which is get some sleep when they've crossed multiple time zones. He seemed awkward discussing our sleeping arrangement and I just thought fine and walked out in what wasn't exactly a pissy way but I will admit, not entirely dignified.

It was when I left the room that I saw Zechs who was leaning against the damn doorframe wearing a Preventer uniform that he'd discarded the jacket of and he had watched our little exchange with something that may have been curiosity. Fuck did I know. Barely knew the guy.

"Trouble in paradise?" he'd said and it took all of my saint-like patience acquired while living with Heero not to either say something inappropriate with plenty of fucks or to just punch him in the face.

I'm a better person. I didn't do either. New found maturity and all.

"None of your  _damn_  business."

And it totally wasn't, I thought, seething even now as I walked across the swanky room. I felt like everyone had a damn opinion on us – from Quatre's looks, from Relena's words and even Zechs – a guy I didn't know personally and whose only real connection to either of us was some fucked up wartime rivalry that he and Heero had. I knew this was why I didn't want to be here – it was like being in a light box and this was before we'd even talked officially to the Preventers or anything.

I opened the sliding glass door and stepped outside feeling the cool air. It was only five but it was getting dark and I could see the antiquey looking street lights turning on below and the night getting colder but I had already declined Quatre's dinner invitation. I walked back into the room, looked in my duffel and took out the dishevelled packet of cigarettes and found a matchbook from a bar a world away. Misty's. Home or as near as damn near that I'd ever come to one. It just wasn't worth thinking about as I walked back out onto the balcony and lit one leaning against the balcony edge.

I thought today had been weird and I was gonna go for the fact I was damn tired and hungry and a million other things to justify my current mood. Yeah, Heero had totally blown me off for her and I was vaguely pissed but I was more mature than that. Or so I hoped.

Really, I probably wasn't being mature, smoking out on the balcony and doing it because I knew it damn well pissed Heero off and I wasn't meant to smoke as I was meant to be super healthy now. Something that Heero would remind me of. Not that I needed reminding – the scar was there and sometimes I unconsciously felt a weird skipped beat or something and it reminded me that a piece of small tech kept me alive. Probably just me being a hypochondriac or something but I was sure sometimes I felt the thing. I thought about ordering room service and stubbed out the cigarette on the concrete before throwing it over the side to the street below as though I was hiding evidence. We didn't need to fight and I really didn't need to do something to purposefully piss him off.

I walked back into the room – thought about pouring a glass of the vodka from the dinky bottle in the mini bar despite the freaking prices and taking a shower and just getting some sleep when the vidphone rang.

I guessed it would be Quat again – he'd looked at me with those big baby blues and tried to persuade me to go with him and Trowa for dinner at a nearby restaurant where we'd be in our own private room and I just looked at him, gawping a little – talk about third wheel. I really didn't want to go but I was sure Quatre felt guilty leaving me alone, but really, I wasn't great company and I just wanted a quick buzz of alcohol and a club sandwich from the ridiculously priced room service and to go the fuck to sleep.

I clicked the button on the phone and blinked at the image on the screen. I'd expected Quatre. Not Wufei.

"Hey," I said, after a moment, realising I'd just had my mouth open a little and not responded to him.

"I think we should talk," Wufei said, straight forward as ever. "Can you meet me in the lobby bar in fifteen minutes?"

There was a part of me that thought this was totally weird – that Wufei was approaching me for some kinda heart to heart and that I really was too damned tired and on edge to be going to have a "talk" or whatever the hell we were going to be having. Then I glanced back to the room, saw the two bags left and the knowledge that Heero wasn't going to be here for some time. If he did come back when I was actually awake. I imagined he'd just come in so late that we didn't have to talk so we'd have another few days of this passive aggressive bullshit thing. I turned my focus back to the screen and to a composed face that revealed nothing. This talk could be Preventer related. It wasn't always to do with me being an asshole. So I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be down in fifteen."

Not being one for long chit chats on vidphones anyway, Wufei just disconnected the call and I went to splash freezing cold water over my face to at least make myself feel more awake. I grabbed a toothbrush from my bag to attempt to remove some of the smoke smell and then changed outta the shirt I'd been in for far too many hours. Finally, I picked up my wallet, phone and room card key and went to find the lobby bar.

It didn't really need finding, as I walked past the reception desks and then walked into a dimly lit bar with very few people in it. I guessed, firstly, that it was only like five and I also guessed it was damn expensive so not a lotta patrons. It wasn't difficult to see where 'Fei was and he had taken a stool at the bar, an actual amber coloured drink that had to be alcoholic in front of him, staring at it as though it contained some mysteries to life and existence.

As I made my way across the bar, I saw he was still in Preventer uniform but it looked crumpled and his jacket was laid on the chair beside him, his tie loose. Suppose it was a long day for all of us and God only knew where he'd been prior to getting that call.

He looked in my direction as I approached, and removed his jacket to another seat, silently offering me the stool next to him. I hopped up to it and saw on closer inspection that he looked more tired than I'd first observed. There were even a few strands of black hair out of that tight pony tail. And Wufei was not like me in that sometimes I just gave up on my braid – occasional days when I forgotten the sentimental reasons attached to it and just wanted it damn gone – and just let strands go off in whatever direction they liked. Wufei always looked put together. Now he looked kinda scruffy. I'd never seen him look kinda scruffy.

"Long day," I said.

"Indeed."

The bartended noted me and I ordered a double bourbon knowing that it was another thing Heero would hate me for but right now I really didn't care. I started a tab, giving the room number, thinking I might be here for some time.

"So why the talk? We don't have to do the whole cloak and daggers routine anymore."

"I'm the lead on this investigation," he said, swirling the glass around and his eyes looking at that rather than me.

I felt relieved. We were gonna talk work shit – I could deal with that.

"Thought you were undercover and shit."

"I moved departments. The undercover division is no longer my responsibility."

I nodded even though I knew that – but then I didn't want him to know I talked with Quatre behind his back. We had too much history for that.

"You miss me?" I said, teasingly, then realised it crossed the line. "I mean, you miss working with a reckless asshole like me?"

A small smile graced his lips, only a slight quirk at the corners to show his amusement. "No other asset gave me grey hairs like you."

"Yeah but no other asset's middle name is trouble."

"You don't have a middle name."

"Yeah, but if I did, it  _so_  would be trouble. Or chaos. Something cool."

He took a sip of his drink and looked away and I followed suit – worrying how much the damn drink would cost in a place like this, what with how smooth the taste was. Of course, I had a tab that would just be added to the hotel bill and money was really not issue for me but I still had a certain reservation about paying a ridiculous amount of cash for something like a drink. Can take the boy outta L2 but not the L2 outta the boy or something like that. Really wasn't fucking sure of the phrase.

"I need a partner," he said, simply, putting down the drink carefully on the stupid piece of paper that barman dished out as coasters in fancy places. "I need someone who I work well with. Who thinks outside the box. Who is competent."

He gave me a moment to take in those words. I knew Wufei really had never played well with others – it took Wing ZERO for him to acknowledge the fact he needed us during the damn war and actually grace us with his presence aboard Peacemillion. Then he ended up on the wrong side during the Mariemaia shit. So yeah, I guessed someone he worked well with was a difficult thing to find. And we worked well together. Or at least, we did, when I wasn't giving him those grey hairs or fucking missions up. And thinking outside the box was kinda my thing – and hell, if he figured I was competent then I'd take that as a compliment.

"I quit," I stated. "I ran the hell away. I didn't do any formal resignation. You ain't telling me they'd have me back."

"I have not had much success with partners. Une agreed with this proposition."

"So they'd have me back? Standard Preventer and all? Uniform and shit?"

Wufei nodded, solemnly. "The tie isn't mandatory."

I chuckled and shook my head. He remembered my aversion to ties. Jesus. "I gave this up, 'Fei. I have a business. I'm just Joe Average now. Really don't wanna be back chasing after bad guys again."

"I never thought you'd be happy playing house with Yuy."

The words were cool and I felt the pissed offness that had previously been reserved for Heero rising again. Playing house? Fuck. That's what people thought we were doing? I thought I could just walk away from this conversation but maybe he'd realised he'd crossed a damn line – he'd seen me pissed. He'd seen me damn near murderous in a fancy hotel after a long undercover finding out that Heero was not only alive but fine and working for him so when he spoke again it was a less calculating tone.

"I thought with Yuy taking the job as Relena's head of security you'd want to do something that was more befitting of your skills."

Then I went from pissed, to confused, back to pissed in a nanosecond.

"You didn't know," 'Fei said, as though realising his mistake.

"No. Kinda didn't."

"I assumed –"

I put my hand up to stop whatever the hell he was going to say and then grabbed my glass, drinking the rest of the contents before putting it back and not caring that I'd not aimed for the little circle of paper. Give the bartender something to do.

"Yeah, you would assume," I said heavily.

Yeah, people would think that people who are meant to be in a committed relationship, even if it's a fucked and complicated one, talk to each other before making huge, life changing decisions. Oh, I knew I totally deserved this for the go bag but it was so… so fucking something and I was as angry as I'd been for a damn long time. It felt like Shinigami had reared its ugly head and it wouldn't be me he'd be having a fucking fight with, it would be the alter-ego I'd abandoned back on L2 when I'd killed Dallas.

Wufei started to speak again but I totally wasn't going to listen and I needed to be alone. Needed to process and I didn't need someone to try and reason with me. I wanted to be flaming pissed when he came back, I wanted us to fight and for this silent bullshit thing be done. We could break up or we could make up but it felt like it was one or the other. Fuck.

"Don't. I don't wanna hear shit. Just take this as accepting your offer."

With that I left him, walked out of the bar and only took a moment to breathe when I was in the elevator, pushing the fourth floor button with a little too much force and leaning against the metallic bar at the side. And I realised I'd just done exactly the same thing Heero did. I'd just accepted a job offer with the Preventers without considering him or us or any feelings he may have about it. I'd just said yes to being Wufei's partner and would now be investigating the Relena assassination attempt.

And damn, I thought, we really are as bad as each other.

 


	5. The Thaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - The Thaw - Biffy Clyro

The night was getting colder but despite that I was sitting on the balcony of the hotel room as I didn't know where else to go. I shoulda put more clothes on but that involved going back inside so instead I sat freezing my ass off in boxers and a hoodie, the pack of smokes damn near finished as well as some of the contents of the mini-bar and the remains of the room service sandwich and fries that I had remembered to order even caught up in my whole angry/emotional shit storm.

I thought if I stayed in the room I'd probably fall asleep which is likely what I should've been doing – not sitting here getting more and more pissed and building it all up until I could explode at Heero. I figured he was really gonna regret coming back to the room when he arrived. And I really wondered if I was doing the right thing – maybe I should just bail. Maybe a break from whatever the fuck this relationship was would be for the best, you know. Maybe we needed some damn space – we'd been living and working together and just there all the damn time for so long that sometimes I figured we were so fucked because we had to spend nearly every minute of every day in close proximity. Suppose neither of us were used to that. Yeah, I knew I was the more sociable one – that I'd lived my life in gangs and aboard Sweepers' ships and shit but there was always somewhere to go – somewhere to be alone and just think. I think neither of us had that in what was meant to be our home. It had just become damn claustrophobic.

I guess I'd actually fallen asleep outside at some point as I heard the noise of the sliding glass door and my eyes flicked open and I instinctively reached for a gun or knife that wasn't there. I didn't have that shit with me. Civilian and all. Though I guess I could've with us travelling by private jet – no awkward bag checks or issues about carrying weapons.

It took a second for my brain to catch up with why the hell I was cold and had stiff muscles in the back of my neck and shoulders as I'd fallen asleep on a hard metal chair and hadn't thought about the consequences of that. Really didn't figure I would've fallen asleep. I stretched, felt something pop gently back into place and looked up to see that Heero was examining the evidence of how I'd spent my evening. His eyes narrowed and I felt like shrugging and not giving a shit.

"Don't even fucking start," I said in warning. And he didn't. Instead, he walked back into the room, which was probably the worst thing he could do when I was spoiling to fight and wanting to kick his ass.

I followed, sliding the glass door closed behind me and watched as he removed his jacket and seemed intent on ignoring me. He was probably tired. I was damned tired so this really was not the time to be having a big argument but hell, we needed it.

"You took a fucking job."

"She needs a new head of security," he replied without any trace of emotion in his voice, his back turned to me as he walked over to the bathroom.

"For fucks sake, Heero. Do you not get this? We've been living together for over a fucking year, we've been screwing since we were fifteen and we've built a goddamn life together in our shitty home and you take a job here without even thinking about me! Jesus Christ, Heero, are you even fucking listening to me, you selfish asshole?"

I kinda figured he was just letting me go. It was like he felt that I might just tire myself out and then I'd be calm and he could just sleep or something. That at times like this, he would just close down and not bother trying to speak to me but right now, that tactic was so not gonna work as I stalked him to the bathroom where he was gonna brush his teeth or something equally mundane.

"I am listening," he said, turning round to meet my eyes.

"Then answer me, damn it! Do you not understand that you are supposed to ask me when you do this shit?"

"And you had a go bag, Duo," he countered. "Were you going to ask me before you walked out?"

"I was not walking out, 'Ro! I told you… I just…I just…" I felt like I couldn't end that fucking sentence in any meaningful way. Jesus fuck. This fight would go 'round like a motherfucker. "I love you, you ass! You are meant to tell me this motherfucking stuff – I'm not supposed to hear it from 'Fei."

It seemed like he'd been pretty calm during my whole rant up until the point I mentioned Wufei's name. It was imperceptible – a small flicker but one I damn knew. I saw his hands were in fists and that I had done the wrong thing to make my argument. Shit and fuck.

"Wufei?" he asked, voice damn cold.

"I met him in the bar. Asked me to re-join the Preventers as his partner since you were now taking a job as the Princess' head of security."

"And you said?"

"Yeah. I said yes, Heero. I just found out you'd fucking given up on any chance of us working so yeah, I said yes. No point me goin' back home without you, you dick."

With that, he just walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine as he did and it was a childish fucking move as it knocked me back a little and he was grabbing his jacket and the card key and looked like he was gonna just walk out.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"You're not the only one who can walk out."

Oh yeah, I'd been pissed before but right now all I could see was red. You know those glasses that they leave in the bathroom and those stupid little shampoos and shit? Well, they got thrown in his general vicinity. Glass smashed. It was a fucking bitch move but it was one I kinda liked. Throwing stuff kinda gets out some of the angry energy.

"Where are you damn going? It's two in the morning."

"I don't know."

He stalled at his answer – halfway across the room, looking at his duffle on the bed and me standing in the doorway of the bathroom. I wondered how loud our voices were. I wondered how well the rooms were sound proofed. Figured that they would be done pretty damn well – Sanc and all – but I guessed we really shouldn't be shouting at this time of night. Didn't need our asses getting kicked outta this place. Though it would be kinda funny. The thought made me chuckle and hell, I didn't know why but one second I'm flaming pissed, the next I'm trying not to laugh at the whole situation. I guessed I'd gone beyond tired and I was maybe delirious or something.

We were fucking stubborn assholes. And we had too much ammo against each other so we could fight for days and days. Shit. It was not good but then he was the only one who could probably handle the whole bucket of crazy that was my psyche so fuck, I was not gonna let him walk out. And shit, I was never gonna walk out on him.

Heero turned, dropping his jacket back down and just looked at me. He seemed less angry. Good. Progress or something. Or maybe he'd figured we'd go round in circles forever too.

"Do you ever think how totally fucked we are?"

"Yeah," he answered.

The tension had gone outta his body so I approached – carefully avoiding the glass shards I'd created. And the lotion bottles that had smashed. Damn. We had to be in such a fancy ass place that the shampoo and lotions were not in those little plastic things. Great move, Duo. He was still in shoes so it didn't matter to him but I was bare foot. I'm always an ass – do shit, think later.

"You don't want me to take the job?"

"You nearly died twice on L2."

"You so can't use that one on me, 'Ro – how many times have you nearly died?"

He shrugged. "A few. I lose count."

The hint of humour there – see, it had damn rubbed off on him after all these years – broke the last of my defences. "Maybe it'll be better, you know? We go back to making a difference and shit. Back to who we used to be." I took a step closer so that we were only divided by a few inches. "Just promise me, no jumping in fronta bullets, you ain't actually superman."

"Only if you promise no stupid stunts."

"Hey, it's me, babe," I said, cocking my head and going for a little grin that I hoped was kinda endearing. "I can only try not to be damn stupid."

Heero raised one eyebrow.

"Okay, okay, I promise. Happy?"

"Better."

With that, he leaned forward, taking the initiative and I kinda just went with it as his lips met mine tentatively at first until I opened my mouth, wrapped my hand around the back of his head and pulled him close. The fact we'd not fucked for a few days – I was not sure how long as technically we'd gone through time zones and forward in time or whatever – and that meant I felt like I wanted to climb into his skin at the first sexual contact in days between us and he seemed to get that I felt impatient. Maybe he was as impatient. We'd got into the habit of regular sex whether it was fucking or just a quick game of mutual masturbation or sucking each other off so that a few days off had made me feel really damn horny right now and pretty fucking hard.

Getting me out of my clothes was not a difficult task as I wasn't wearing much. He slid the zipper down on the sweatshirt, the sound of the teeth unlocking seemed damn loud as he did so and I looked up at the level of focus he was putting into that task. I shrugged it off my shoulders as a hand went to touch the ink at the top of my arm, those angel wings that spread to my shoulder and I let my hands return the favour, aiding in the removal of t-shirt, his touch leaving my skin as he moved his arms to help – thrown to the floor without any real thought. Maybe we were no longer pissed at each other but then there was the damn pressing need to do this now and cement something – that I wasn't leaving and we weren't fucked over because we'd both taken jobs away from each other.

Hey, we'd spent a war screwing and it didn't matter. It was three fucking years that we were apart from each other after that. Three years of shitty under covers for both of us and even after all that damn time we were back here. Back together. Back to kissing each other hard on the lips and dragging fingers over skin, the light scratch of finger nails, that hint of force that lurked every time we fucked.

Always came back to this. Been the same since we were fifteen and I offered to blow him for the first time. Huh. Seemed a million years ago as we collided into the bed a little ungracefully. I ended up underneath his body and didn't protest. Sometimes I would but it was message received. Heero wanted to top tonight so I figured I could let that happen as I slipped my fingers down to his jeans, undoing them, lowering the zipper carefully and he left the bed to remove them along with his shoes and boxers. I threw off mine and they landed somewhere and then backed myself up the bed, pushing the bags onto the floor, so that I was actually on it rather than having half my body off it.

Heero's body came back to mine and I asked the awkward question that needed asking.

"Lube?"

The question was kinda muffled against his lips but I sure as hell didn't have lube. I figured it was not something that was required in my go bag as that would mean I was thinking of getting laid which seemed kinda crass or fucked up. And I hadn't picked any up in the house after finding him waiting on the porch to come to the damn Sanc Kingdom. It seemed a pretty asshole move to assume that we would fuck considering how pissed he was at me. But now I regretted that. Yeah, there had been some lotionin this fancy ass suite but I'd thrown that to the floor. See, total dumbass move. And I also figured we'd failed some kinda gay couple travel code. Always travel with lube. Never know when it will be needed.

"I have some."

I could only look at him with my head cocked to the side as he moved off me to find his duffle that had ended up on the floor. I admired for a moment the view, him bent over looking through his bag and I felt it was the perfect moment for some sarcasm. Something about him being optimistic and thinking he'd get lucky but I figured that it wasn't the right time to be making some joke as he crawled back over me, his body aligning with mine ever so fucking perfectly, our hard dicks meeting each other in a slow grind, the friction and heat between us starting to become too much as I pulled him down to kiss him, flicking and probing my tongue into his mouth, mixing his taste of stale coffee with mine of stale booze. I tried to indicate that this was a fucking 'nuff, that we could skip whatever foreplay we were going for and I pushed him up off me which earned me a look of surprise in those deep blue eyes.

"Like this," I said, dictating what I wanted through my body rather than through more words.

He understood as I rolled over and raised myself onto all fours and I felt him move to behind me, a hand wandering down the expanse of my back, feeling the bump of my spine creating this tingling along my nerves that was not helping the ache in my groin and the need to cum. His hand finally reached my ass and I shuddered at the first experimental touches. I barely noticed the sound of a cap or anything as I felt one hand reach underneath me, a few tugs on my cock making me breathless as the first finger probed. It was not that long since we'd had sex but still with this… with this Heero was always damn careful. That we could start off violent and pissed and angry but he wouldn't hurt me and I would never hurt him.

I knew I was damn in a bitch position but to me it was one that proved the complete and utter trust and faith I had him. That I turned my back to him – that I could do that without fearing for a damn knife or gun. Fuck, for me it proved more about the level of intimacy I had with Heero than if we looked each other in the eye and I didn't know if he knew that but then I figured it didn't matter if he did as I felt another finger join the first and then lips at the base of my back. The open mouthed kisses, the hint of tongue and the two digits scissoring were enough to drive me crazy without fingertips running along my dick and my arms were already struggling to keep my body in the damn position I was in. When I felt the addition of another finger, distracted this time by his hand leaving my cock and instead reaching for my braid, I thought about protesting as he pulled my head to the side to meet him for a sloppy and awkward kiss, his fingers still moving within me and hitting my prostate, making me gasp into his kiss.

"Heero…"

The way I said his name was fucking pleading, that I was being damn teased, that the fact my hands were supporting me meant I was kinda at his mercy and he was using the opportunity to tease all my available skin. My braid dropped from his hand to the bed and his lips travelled downwards from my shoulder until I looked back and I realised he'd taken the hint about my pleading – he was resting back on his heels behind me, his eyes obscured by his hair, his lubed cock in his hand and I turned my face back towards the headboard and the wall as I felt the first intense moment of pressure, the slow slide and that weird pain/pleasure mix that came from the first moments of fucking.

His hands were hard at my hips, nails digging in a little and not allowing me any movement but right now, I didn't want to, I just panted, closed my eyes, my head dangling downwards toward the bed and took in the feeling of him, hot and hard inside me, hands on me – feeling connected. More connected than we'd felt for a long time. Yeah, we were always fucking but most of the time it didn't have a whole lot of meaning to it apart from striving for release but this felt different. Jesus. Did not know the fuck why.

Any coherent thoughts got lost as I felt a slight pull out and then the same small movement in. It rippled through me and one of his hands left my hip, running across my side, reaching to touch my rib cage and nipples, building up a rhythm and pace, each thrust more confident, more assured and deeper and I rocked back into him, helping speed up the pace and I was rewarded with a noise from Heero that indicated he enjoyed it – a half growl, groan thing that was kinda sexy as I surrendered completely to my body's desire. Eyes closed, sweaty, hard cock leaking and Heero. It felt like all I ever needed or wanted in my damn life as I pushed back into him, the position and the depth making him hit the spot inside me that made me see fucking sparks and I was getting damn close from just prostate stimulation, never mind a hand on my cock.

I guess he realised I was close. The pants, the moans and the occasional "fucks" that flew from my mouth were a pretty easy give away but he tended to have more stamina – guess all that damn experimentation had to have some advantages – and I suddenly felt a firm arm around my chest and he'd stopped moving. His breathing was heavy, that I could hear, and I guess he wasn't that far from shooting his load either but he'd stopped. I was about to speak when the pressure of that arm made me figure out what he wanted me to do – I spread my legs wider around his thighs and he supported me to the position of sitting in his lap, my back to his chest, his tongue now flicking at my ear lobe, my braid pinned between our sweaty bodies. My eyes fluttered open at the change, as he was now deeper inside me without even moving and he was restraining me pretty damn effectively.

If we were in our normal fucking routine, sex every other day or whatever the hell it worked out as, this would be a normal thing. That some nights we'd bring one another to the peak and stop and slow and try and make it damn last. Tonight I didn't need it to damn last. Just needed to come hard and feel him come hard and know we weren't fucked as we had this. But he wasn't playing that game, instead, he'd stopped totally and I tried to move a little, to create some friction but I couldn't against him. Always gonna be stronger than me.

"Move, damn it," I said.

Not really the most romantic shit or even remotely loving but it was frustrating. I could feel him inside me, every inch and I just wanted movement. I didn't mind the attention he paid to my neck or my shoulders – those feather light kisses, brushes of lips – as they felt kinda nice but I didn't want to feel nice. I wanted to be fucked. And he wasn't doing that.

His lips were at my ear and I felt his breath with each word. "You said you loved me."

My eyes now flew open to try and look at him despite the awkwardness of the position and I turned my head to see his expression at least a little. I couldn't really see being unable to turn my head entirely but I could feel his breath, feel the expression on his face and the kisses against my neck, nudging my hair away with his nose.

I had said it. Okay. I hadn't figured it at the time but I had. I'd said those three words in anger but I'd said them. The last time I'd said anything similar was when I was talking to my damn wrist in that cell. There was a slight flex of his hips, something I wasn't sure if even he could control and my head fell back onto his shoulder at the sensations rippling through my every nerve. I felt this really was not the appropriate time for the big damn conversation. Love and future and shit.

"Did you mean it?"

Did I mean it? Hell, I say a lot of shit but I would never say something like that unless I meant it but right now I was not entirely coherent. If we'd not been in this position, if his arm was not holding me tight to his body, his lips on my neck, him hard inside me, I might have deflected, joked, evaded and high tailed it outta that difficult situation. But you know, I'd really run outta ammo when we were like this and maybe this was the only way to get me to admit feelings and then I'd never have to admit them again. So I figured I'd just go with the whole truth, nothing but the truth and all that jazz.

"Yeah," I panted, "now move, damn it, 'Ro."

I heard this thing that was as near as he would get to a chuckle against my skin and the words that I'd never thought I'd hear in a million years – words that I thought I was incapable of never mind Mr Emotionally Stunted – and one hand moved down to my hip in an attempt to steady me as his grip loosened and I raised myself up, aided by him to come back crashing down, sending shockwaves through both of us.

"Love you."

Love you. Little words. Tiny words but as we moved together, me wrapping a hand around the back of his head, my body twisted in a way that was in no way comfortable but sure as hell did not matter as he thrust up to each of my downward motions and we fucked harder, faster, deeper than I ever felt we had. The position, the words and the feel of his chest slick against my back was bringing me close to the point of no damn return but as he jerked in a less steady rhythm I knew he was far too close and his hand reached for my cock, assured slick strokes bringing me to my pinnacle until I felt him thrust as deep as he could one time, the soft "yes" that signalled his climax like it always did against my shoulder. His hand had stilled on me as he shuddered against me and I was about to take matters into my own hands when he figured that I hadn't come yet and rectified that with a few more strokes, teasing the slit and I hunched forward, almost falling and if his arm wasn't damn supporting me I would've as I felt my own release, hot and sticky against his hand, the sheets, my stomach.

Our bodies didn't separate straight away, figured we both needed a few moments to come down, feeling him softening inside me and our breathing return to normal.

"I need to move," I said as I felt my thighs start to tense from the position. His hands left my skin and I crawled forward a little before just falling to the bed on my stomach, not really caring. It took a second for him to join me, an arm thrown across my back, and I turned my head to look at his face.

I think I was grinning goofily. It must have been because he smiled back – that small subtle quirk of lips that only I got. My body still thrummed, each nerve like something electric under my skin and I had no words. Least not yet.

"We're okay?"

"Yeah, babe, we're okay," I replied, leaning to kiss him, the tiny movement creating an ache in my muscles. "I think after that we're kinda fucking awesome."

"The jobs –"

"We'll work it out."

And we would. But right now, all I needed was some fucking sleep.


	6. Don't Have the Right Look

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy

The Preventer Field Office in Sanc was the first "real" Preventer office I'd ever been in. The whole point of me being an undercover operative for three damn years was that I never really had true contact in the traditional sense with the official Preventer organisation. It meant years of meeting Wufei in random cities, in random bars and diners and cafes and it meant I'd never been into the light atriums and fancy state of the art offices that housed the Earth Sphere's defence against all acts of terrorism and shit. It looked like it cost a lotta money. I wondered if that was because we were in Sanc or whether all the Preventer offices looked like this but damn, it sure was fancier than I anticipated. I whistled under my breath and followed Wufei through the lobby and realised we were being looked at as we walked.

My time undercover had meant I technically didn't exist. That my entire life, those minimal records that existed, if they ever had existed, were gone so that I was a ghost. Actually more than that. I'd never been alive. But now, suddenly, I was. Full standard agent and all and when Wufei called at a stupid time in the morning – or at least, one that seemed entirely unreasonable to me – I had to join him in a black town car and come to a Field Office like I'd never done before. It was like, they say jump, I say how I high. And, hell, that has never been my style.

It wasn't that early, I reasoned as I walked a step behind him through the corridors. We'd been through a security point where Wufei gave his black standard issue gun over to a bored looking security guard before he stepped through a scanner. I followed and for once in my life knew it was not gonna beep as I genuinely had no weapons. No switch blade. No gun. I had been doing the whole civilian thing or had been up until today. It was passed back to 'Fei and we continued on our journey through the corridors and halls of the busy offices.

I kept my shades on purely for aesthetics as I looked a little like shit. I'd not truly slept for a few days and I sure as fuck did not know what time my body thought it was. I remember being better at recovering quickly at fifteen. That my body clock adjusted automatically but I suppose I was hung over, jet lagged and spent last night being fucked by Heero, so yeah totally had a reason to look less than my best.

Thinking of Heero made me think of how I'd wanted to spend this morning instead of being at a Preventer Field Office. I'd thought or hoped my morning was going to be spent in bed with Heero. I'd wanted to wake up all slow and nice, feel Heero's body alongside mine and appreciate the whole comfortable large Sanc hotel room bed thing. I kinda wanted morning sex or at least morning hand jobs or morning blowjobs or something but instead, the vidphone went off and I was left cursing the fact that we were not gonna get time to resume last night's activities again when it didn't have to begin with me throwing glasses and lotion bottles.

It had been warm in the bed and I'd seriously thought about not answering the phone. We'd ended up around each other's bodies, his ankle in between mine, his arm loosely around my waist and it was comfortable and reassuring. And I didn't want to move and face a new day where I was a Preventer again and Heero was Relena's Head of Security and shit would change totally between us. I kinda wanted to hold onto that moment for a bit longer but, you know, couldn't so I dragged myself up to answer it letting Heero roll onto his back against the sheets. I thought about pulling on boxer shorts but I didn't know where I'd thrown them in my haste to get naked last night and I'd answered vidphones enough times being mostly or fully naked. Just had to make sure people only saw your face and shoulders. And remember to disconnect completely before you stand up unless you wanna give the person on the other end more of a view than you intended.

So yeah, I'd answered and I'd agreed to meet Wufei and thus found myself walking through the corridors being gawked at. I wondered whether it was me – the whole fact I looked super casual and the braid and the sunglasses because of those stupid shadows around my eyes – or if it was because of Wufei and his status. I guessed people knew he used to be a Gundam pilot. Or maybe they didn't. Hell, if I knew.

I memorised the route we'd taken, the cramped elevator ride with various employees dressed in anything from the standard Preventer uniforms to boring ass suits. I suppose I never guessed that the Preventers had different kinda employees. Had the field agents and the undercover operatives but also had the people who ordered the pens and did the accounts and the dull shit like that. I'd never imagined what it was like to be sitting behind a desk. It was one career option I was seriously never going to go for – I couldn't imagine the slow suffocation of being stuck in the same damn room for years and years at a time. I kinda felt sorry for the suckers but hell, I supposed the Preventers needed the pencil pushers and the bureaucrats to help save the world and all. Just never thought about it.

It was then I realised we'd reached what must be the top floor as we were the only people in the elevator and the doors had opened on different lower floors letting those employees out. I guessed this is how it always worked in office buildings – bosses on the fancy top floors – and I seriously thought about bailing and going back to my little garage for a second as I figured out where I was being taken. I knew Une was in Sanc, of course I did being that she'd been on the damn newsfeeds telling everyone about the Princess' condition and all but I hadn't figured I'd have to have a chat with the big ol' boss lady. I'd kinda always wanted to tell her to kiss my ass. And I felt like 'Fei had blindsided me a little. That he'd not actually told me why I was coming to the Field Office. Oh yeah, he'd said something about my "induction" but that had been nice and vague. I'd never really had an induction first time around. Yeah, I'd done some medicals and talked to some lovely psychologists but I'd never really had what could be classed as an interview or even an informal chat about a job. I've never had to go through "normal" channels in life being that I'd snuck aboard a Sweeper ship, I'd stolen my Gundam and I'd been offered undercover work as some kinda way to keep me outta trouble, so yeah, the thought of an actual conventional sit down with the head of an organisation – one who'd I'd totally fucked around – was not something I looked forward to.

"You brought me to Une," I said.

"It's necessary."

"Necessary my ass," I managed to grumble under my breath as we walked down a corridor to where a chick sat behind a desk outside large oak doors.

"Agent Chang and Maxwell to see the Commander," Wufei said briskly.

The girl called through and gave me a particularly shifty look and I wanted to say something but I didn't.

"The Commander will see you in five minutes – can I get you coffee, water, something?"

Wufei declined but considering how my head felt I opted for water which she brought back again with the same stuffy attitude. I really hated Sanc. That everyone seemed to look down on me. I suppose I brought it on myself, I figured that scruffy jeans and a hoodie ain't really Sancian attire but really I didn't give a shit. Not this morning. People can judge away. I figured that she'd be some blue blood's niece or granddaughter or something. Least Relena wasn't like those kinda chicks – not just some rich girl who'd look down her nose at me for not being quite what people expect. I thought I was being respectable by the fact you couldn't see the tattoos.

I gulped down the water from a tiny plastic cup and decided to remove my shades as we waited. We were offered seats but I felt too jumpy to take one. I was already beginning to regret my decision. Really, what I liked about undercover work was the fact that I didn't have to deal with the politics and the whole fancy ass wearing uniform crap of the organisation. And the organisation was so full of ex-OZ types that I felt damn paranoid. It so didn't help that my experience on L2 and the knowledge I had that Roth had some Preventers bought and paid for. Yet I figured, what else was I supposed to do? Go back home and tinker with cars and wait until Heero came back? Sit around and pine and be pathetic or something? That so wasn't me and that thought appealed less than a meeting with Une.

The door opened and the guy that walked out looked much more suited to Sanc. Of course, that would be because he's the damn fallen prince or whatever other tabloid name he's been given in recent years. Zechs acknowledged us with a nod and I didn't feel like being all nice. His words were still burning in my head – "trouble in paradise" – fuck, he knew nothing. And so it was probably a good thing when the secretary came back over and walked us to the office for no damn reason. I'm sure I could've figured out where to go.

"Chang, Maxwell," Une said with a curt nod in gesture to the seats in front of her large desk.

Wufei took one seat and I took the other and tried not to slouch as much as I'd naturally do. God, it felt like being in the Principle's office or something. Not that I'd ever managed to make it to a Principle's office – that would require actual schooling and when your school experience consists of hiding with Heero and pretending to be a normal school kid for a few weeks during a damn war then it really ain't what could be called being in school.

"You understand the seriousness of this investigation?"

It seemed she was getting straight down to business which was fine. Shit I knew it was serious. It was difficult not to know that. That this was Relena. That this was an assassination attempt in the heart of the Sanc Kingdom, in her own damn home, at her own party and it looked bad. It looked like everybody was incompetent. That people had become complacent post war and it had meant that someone had got close enough to fire at the Princess.

"We understand," Wufei replied and looked over at me pointedly.

I nodded to convey that I got it. I know I wasn't classed as the intellectual in this partnership but I sure as hell wasn't dumb. I'm sure Une knew that – fuck, she wouldn't have agreed to this if she hadn't.

"I am trusting you to act swiftly and with discretion. We need to know why and how as soon as possible." She looked between us as she spoke and I'm sure that she focused on me more at the word "discretion" and I decided not to be offended. I'd kinda turned up to the Preventer Sanc Kingdom Field Office dressed like a rebellious teenager. It reminded me why Heero was better at this shit than I was. Knew how to fit in and stuff. "These are the details our agents have obtained so far."

She produced a tablet, the screen already open on some details regarding the what – the case? The investigation? I wondered what term to use as it wasn't a mission anymore. It wasn't an op. I was used to my ops. This was a totally different thing. All by the book and official. It was not something I'd ever done before. Wufei looked at it first, taking in the pages quickly before he passed it to me.

I flicked through the information that had been collected so far taking a few moments on each page, giving a quick assessment of the usefulness and then moving on. The interviews from the rich and powerful at the event seemed to feature a whole heap of nothing. The reports from the security team were ever so slightly better. That they at least could say they saw the shooter and had apprehended him. One shot had entered Jones' thigh in an attempt to disable – a shot that was not totally a kill shot but he'd already swallowed the poison capsule before the security team could do anything. It said to me that this shit was well planned out and that the kid had been pretty damn devoted. Willing to die for a shot at the Princess. Wow. Crazy motherfucker.

"Should we re-interview anyone?" I asked, looking up. "I mean, your agents probably did an awesome job but I'd kinda like to get a handle on this myself, you know?"

I saw the flicker on Une's face and I could see Wufei stiffen next to me in his seat as though he was already regretting the fact he'd picked me as a partner. Did he want me to sit here and say shit? I figured that there might be something relevant that they might've missed or something. Think outside the box and all.

"If you think it is necessary, Agent Maxwell, all the contact details of the interviewees are in the files."

I flicked again and then saw the preliminary details of a flight path and a check in schedule for two days at the London Preventer Field Office.

"London?" I queried.

"We want to thoroughly investigate Jones' background and he was studying at the London School of Economics up until this incident… we need to understand who approached a young man like this and why his actions led to this assassination attempt. It is clear that he could not have acted alone."

"So you think the people who helped him are in London?"

"That would be your job to find out, would it not?"

I smirked at the quick response. Score one for the boss lady. Yeah, that was our job. My job. I placed the tablet down on the desk in front of me as Une looked carefully between us and then trained her gaze on Wufei.

"Chang, if you wouldn't mind stepping out for a moment."

I looked up at Wufei and gave him a look that suggested that I minded if he left me here alone with Une. Hadn't she tried to kill me at some point? Oh yeah, though Heero had pretty much tried to kill me at some point and I slept with him so I figured I should let that particular grudge go.

He stepped out with a curt nod. He was so good at being disciplined and listening and respecting his superiors. It was so not me. G knew he had no chance of getting me to respect him but he knew I'd follow orders. I just grumbled about them and told him when I didn't like them. Sometimes I missed the old coot. I could totally tell him to fuck off. I seriously didn't think I could do that to Une.

Once the door closed with a soft click, she leaned forward resting her head on her chin and looked very closely at me before speaking.

"You understand I cannot tolerate insubordination."

I didn't know whether that required a response so I just went with nodding. I don't know whether that meant I was being insubordinate. Was I meant to say "yes, ma'am" or commander or some shit? I really wasn't versed in Preventer protocol. Or being a solider. Barely knew about being on a team. It was only really until the end of the damn war that we all started working together. The whole point of being undercover was that I didn't work with anyone else. I suppose I'd never been the toe the line, play by the rules, team player kinda guy. Now I had to be.

"Agent Chang is your superior. You will take orders from him as though they come from myself, is that understood, Agent Maxwell?"

"Yes."

"I want to impress upon you that this is a probation period. If Agent Chang informs me you have broken any protocols or acted in any way that is not befitting of the uniform then you can consider yourself fired."

"I understand."

She stared dead straight in my eye and held my gaze. I kinda guessed she wasn't used to people not being intimidated by her. After all, she ran the world's biggest damn organisation and she'd been OZ's lapdog. She really probably didn't get a whole lot of people who weren't deferential to her.

"This is not undercover work. I want you to remember that."

The words hung heavy and I knew what she was implying. No risks. No stupid ass moves. No going rogue or outta contact. Basically, not to do anything I'd done on L2. I knew there had been fall out from it despite running off and hiding my own ass. Preventer agent funerals that I guess she'd had to attend. Not fun.

"I am taking a risk with you, Agent Maxwell. Don't make me regret it."

"You won't," I started and then added "commander" outta some respect.

She quirked her lips, suggesting that maybe she was amused by me showing at least some respect and recognition of her status.

"You are dismissed. I expect you to be in uniform next time I see you."

I rose from my seat and wondered whether I was supposed to shake her hand or something but instead just picked up the tablet and made my way to the door. I stepped out to see the chick behind the desk still looking at me as though I didn't belong seeing the big boss lady and instead of doing what I wanted, maybe flip her off or something, I joined Wufei who was leaning against a wall, his head bowed, eyes closed and arms folded across his chest.

"Guess I'm calling you boss now," I said to get his attention though I knew he was aware of my presence.

"Are you going to listen to me this time?"

I grinned and shrugged. "Been told I have to so lead the way, chief."

We started down the corridor and he glanced over. "Chief?"

"I'm just trying to figure out the names I can call ya. Boss, chief, oh illustrious leader… just give me some time I'll come up with one I like… uh, maybe captain? No… maybe el presidente…"

I think he was already blocking out my rambling as we arrived at the empty elevator and he keyed in the button for the fifth floor. I could see he was visibly trying not to react.

"You regretting the partner thing, partner?" I asked, bumping his shoulder with mine.

"Ask me again in a week," he replied dryly.

"You think it'll take a week, huh? I must be slipping…"

And with that, the elevator doors slid closed and we were off to the rest of the induction. Medical and uniform and ID documentation. It was eleven a.m. and I was already wishing this day was over. It was a lot more complicated to play life by the rules.

 


	7. Listen Well, Will You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - the Suffering - Coheed and Cambria

The flight was scheduled to leave in ten minutes and we were still stood in what constituted a terminal building. We were at the private airfield the Preventers used in Sanc, the private airfield that Relena used and so no one was giving us shit. Well, no one except one grouchy partner. Wufei was literally stalking around the building, looking through the glass at our aircraft and trying not to bitch at me one more time. I wasn't leaving without seeing Heero. It was kinda simple. He could go, fuck if I cared, pilot the thing all by himself and I'd go commercial. I'd told him that we were piloting this damn flight and that meant it could leave a little late. He said we couldn't being that we had a flight path and a set schedule and I wasn't an undercover agent and couldn't do what the hell I wanted anymore.

Ah, the wedded bliss of a civil Preventer partnership had lasted all of three days.

Least I could blame Heero for this as I had no fucking idea why he hadn't arrived to say goodbye and all. It wasn't like I knew when I was coming back and really, now we were being all feelings and talking to each other and shit then it was one of those things you did, I figured. You said goodbye to the man you're fucking. Or the man you're in love with. Or whatever.

I stared down at the shining floor of the terminal and purposefully avoided Wufei's gaze as he walked impatiently and I tried to get some dirt off my boots. I probably should wear something less obnoxious with the Preventer uniform but then I figured, hell, if they are making me wear a shirt and dress pants then I'll wear biker boots. Give and take and all.

"Do you need to see Yuy?" was the question I'd heard ten minutes ago.

Yeah, I did. From the moment we'd stepped foot in Sanc we'd had very few moments together – we'd managed to have sex twice. Once in the mind-blowing "I love you" kinda way, the second time quickly and roughly in the shower kinda way. The rest of the time had been monopolised by the new jobs we'd both undertaken. His seemed to be made up of scaring the shit out of Relena's previous security team and investigating the incompetent staff while mine seemed to be reading a whole lot of nothing and talking to a load of people who hadn't seen anything. It was funny, we didn't do the whole "honey, how was your day?" thing when we met in the hotel, if we met at a damn sociable time but I'd managed to figure out enough that he'd fired some people and I kinda found the boss thing sexy. I meant to exploit it but, you know, so didn't have the time for it.

Interviewing people, while had been my idea, had really been a waste of damn time as I made the great discovery that despite being merely a few feet away from an assassination attempt, most rich people did not notice shit. I'd discovered that the guests didn't think much about the canapés or the quality of the champagne – which apparently  _might_  have been sparkling wine which apparently is a big no no but hell, I didn't know anything that was really useful.

Maybe we got something. A couple of people had seen the kid earlier in the evening, that he dropped a tray – shock fucking horror – and had obviously been nervous. Which to me said, he hadn't really wanted to do what he did and then I wondered who the fuck the kid had been, you know, and why the hell did he try and shoot Relena . It seemed like he wasn't cut out for it. But then, the rich folks were probably just irritated by incompetence or something. And his skill had extended to shooting her in the abdomen and missing all internal organs and shit. So yeah, maybe he had something. That's what we were travelling to London to find out, after all.

I could tell Wufei's patience was more than wearing thin. In fact, my own was not doing so well. Heero was punctual and reliable and on time. He was everything I wasn't – really, he should be the one in the Preventer uniform and the one with the officially licensed gun and the official ID badge. But damn, he wasn't and it was me who was the one on time and waiting. I glanced over to our Preventer plane and thought that I should just get on it. That I was kinda looking forward to piloting or co-piloting. I was yet to have that conversation with 'Fei but I figured that as  _I_ was generally regarded as the better pilot of the five of us that he could be my co-pilot. Even grudgingly, Heero could admit that when pressed – yeah, he didn't like handing over control a ton but he could occasionally do it when it came to me. Kinda said everything about our relationship.

"Maxwell, we should go."

The words were enough for me to shrug, look towards the doors of the terminal and go fuck it – I'd get my flight. I'd call him when I damn landed and ask him where the fuck he'd been. He'd get the messages I'd left on his cell anyway. I really didn't know what the hell could be keeping him but then figured Relena could be going through another crisis. Another assassination attempt and that would be more important than little old me. I'd known my significance in the scheme of things in Heero's life since I was fifteen. From that moment he accepted the orders to self-destruct. Heero ain't nothing if predictable. Always thinking of the bigger picture.

My duffle was at my feet and I leant down to pick it up and was about to turn and follow Wufei. To be fair on 'Fei, he'd given Heero plenty of time to appear and he'd let me have it. He coulda been an asshole and told me to get my ass on the flight. But he really hadn't. Maybe I was being unfair. Our Preventer partnership hadn't descended into divorce yet. I still thought he had a coupla hour flight for me to irritate him. It could be over before we arrived in London. He hadn't had to spend time with me in a confined space since Peacemillion.

But, finally, there Heero was and I dropped my bag back to the ground. It made me chuckle under my breath. Suppose it was all that better late than never thing. I heard Wufei sigh as now there would be even more delays to our flight and he'd have to call the London Field Office and get them to amend the flight path or something and I was already a pain in the ass to him. But hey, least we could actually do the goodbye thing. Maybe not some mushy shit but at least say a legitimate goodbye.

Heero glanced over to Wufei and then back to me and I saw a single-minded determination thing that I hadn't seen for some time. Usually, it was the sort of face that was accompanied by having a gun in his hand and a mission and some moment of stupidity. Intense eyes. Mouth set straight. Shit.

"You're kinda late," I said, heavily. "I gotta roll."

I looked over to 'Fei who was far enough away and was now discussing something with the ground crew and then turned back to Heero.

"You are piloting your own Preventer plane. You are not on a schedule."

I jerked my thumb in the direction of Wufei. "Tell that to  _that_  guy. He's kinda pissy and we have a flight path. We ain't at war."

He dismissed my words with just a little shake of his head that made his bangs fall a little into his eyes. "I have something I need to say and I want you to be silent."

I must've looked puzzled as that's what I was. Heero wasn't a "let's talk" kinda guy and that was one of our major problems as I was like "let's talk about a million inconsequential things and I'll ignore the actual shit I feel" kinda guy. That's why we needed emotional upheaval to say the whole "L" word thing. Something needed to kick us both in the ass and if life could do that, then it worked.

"Orders, 'Ro?" I asked sarcastically. My default button is sarcasm. I seriously cannot help it.

"Please," he said and it was like damn pleading so I relented.

"'Kay, I'll be quiet."

"Duo…" he started and then stalled.

I was really tempted to talk but instead, I put my hands in my pockets and was rocking gently on the balls of my feet. Now I was feeling ever so antsy – Heero didn't do talking, told me to shut up frequently but not because he wanted to say something, more because I was being irritating at that particular moment. As much as I'm a joy to be around, I have an amazing ability to piss him off on a semi-regular basis evidenced by the amount of times I'd ended up at random bars when we were at home. And I wondered what this was – maybe this was a "hey, since we're apart, why don't we take this as our relationship is on a break or something". The game face thing was kinda freaking me out. I'd thought I'd broken through that particular expression.

"I want you to marry me."

"… wha the fuck?"

I said it automatically and got a glare for breaking my promise of silence. But fuck… my brain could not comprehend what he'd just said. It did not make sense. On so many levels. The "M" word was huge. It obliterated the "L" word and that took a few moments to take in.

"I think, logically," he continued, his voice completely level and steady, "that if you are married to me then you are legally obligated to stay with me. That you can't just run and leave, you'd need to seek legal advice. That it would be more difficult. That you couldn't just grab a go bag and leave."

I nodded dumbly. I must've looked pretty idiotic as the words entered my head. Logically. Legally. All very unemotional words but then, I would never want the whole down on one knee thing either. It was a weird ass marriage proposal but then – when had anything about us been normal? We fucked at fifteen because we were soldiers and we scared of dying or something. It had never been a conventional relationship and I sure as shit never wanted that.

"You can say something."

My hand went to the back of my head, scratching underneath my braid. Fuck.

"I don't know what to say."

His brows knitted together and he looked adorably confused for a moment. I could see the logic in his head – that was Heero. That logically, this was a solution but he hadn't entirely thought of it from any other angle.

"I have rings."

"You…have…huh."

He went to a pocket in his jacket and produced a box and I self-consciously glanced to Wufei who was stood talking to a dude with a tablet and ignoring us entirely. I couldn't figure out why it bothered me if he saw this but it did, damn it.

"I understand in a heterosexual relationship that the female wears an engagement ring but I didn't think it was appropriate if one of us wore a ring. My conclusion was we both should. I don't know when we are able to make this legal so it would show our commitment."

"Right…" I managed to say as he opened the box.

They were silvery – could be white gold or platinum or something as I sure didn't know anything about jewellery. I'd only ever really worn my cross and that was probably cheap as hell and fake gold or gold plated. I'd ditched it for tattoos. So my knowledge of this area was seriously lacking.

"You're meant to answer," he said.

I looked between his face and those bands of whatever metal they were and then back again. I gave him a small grin as I could see the whole tension thing in his body and I wanted him to know it was kinda okay even if I did not know how the hell to answer.

"You researched this."

"I had no experience in this area. I needed to discover the relevant details."

I chuckled under my breath, not in a mocking way or anything as I didn't want to hurt him but it was all so… so… big and confusing. We'd said "I love you" a coupla days ago and now – wham! This was not what I expected.

"Fuck… Heero, you've like totally completely blindsided me here. I gotta leave for London and you know…" I trailed off. I didn't really know what to say, me, Mr. Articulate.

"You're saying no?"

"No, I'm not saying no… I'm just saying, like, this is real sudden and I need a moment to process this. Shit… you still kinda manage to keep me on the edge of my seat, babe."

The whole intense emotional moment got broken pretty effectively by the shouting of my name. "Maxwell! Can you stop the heart to heart – we have five minutes!"

"Shut the fuck up, Chang and give me one goddamn minute!"

Wufei blinked at me, must've sounded more harsh than I intended but I figured that I didn't care right now. I turned my attention back to Heero and looked deep into his blue eyes. Marriage, huh? I had a fuck ton of reasons to say no – we were young, really, really damn young. And marriage meant forever, right? Plus the concept of an actual wedding was something that made me want to vomit and yeah, how compatible were we in a forever kinda context? Yeah, we were drawn together, yeah we admitted we loved each other but really it was a totally fucked relationship. But then, really, I'd never wanted anything else. Hey, one thing I'd actually figured out about myself was that I was one reckless son of a bitch and he sure as hell wasn't that much better. So I just stepped forward and wrapped one hand around the back of his neck and just went with it. Jumping into situations without truly thinking about it was kinda my thing.

"Yeah, okay."

I decided that "yeah, okay" was probably not the way you are supposed to answer but I leaned forward and kissed him hard which kinda made up for the lack of romance. I heard coughing that was as subtle as a ton of bricks on Wufei's part. I guess he wasn't all too keen on viewing the huge massive public display of affection and me with my tongue down Heero's throat was kinda on that list. Or maybe he was just still being pissy about us being late and me delaying our arrival into London. Whatever. I broke off the kiss and looked down at the box he was still holding in his hand.

"They're engraved."

As we weren't doing this traditionally, I just went to pick one outta the box and he indicated that I'd gone for the wrong one. So the thing would fit – and then I had a ridiculous image of him measuring my ring finger to figure out what size I'd need while I was asleep or something. It made me want to laugh.

The ring was plain around the outside, thick metal as I guess he'd accounted for the fact that we could damage the thing. Or at least, I was certain I could. And I turned it under the lighting of the terminal building and I saw the words in loopy cursive script "one for one" on the inside. It was sweet in a totally twisted way.

I just smirked up at him through my bangs. I had nothing to say to that but it kinda worked on so many levels. The ring slid onto my finger and it fit like I guessed it would, he put his own on before securing the box in his pocket and I reached for his hand feeling weird with a tiny piece of metal around my finger and weird to see his matching. Yeah, we were not doing this traditionally – but then it was more symbolic like this. That it was a promise or something – that we'd do the legal shit when we could but it didn't matter right now.

"Maxwell," I heard 'Fei say and I released Heero's hand and leant down to grab my duffle bag.

"I gotta go."

He nodded and I leaned forward for a quick kiss before I turned and went to join Wufei to leave the terminal building and fly to London. I glanced back once before I went out of the doors and stepped out onto the tarmac and saw Heero stood there watching me go and my right hand automatically twitched to play with the new ring around my finger. It felt totally wrong on my finger but I guessed I could get used to it.

Yeah, just might take a while.

 


	8. London Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - London Calling - The Clash

I'd been to plenty of cities in my years undercover, plenty of countries but I'd not been to London apart from a stopover in Heathrow which said nothing about the actual place or the country in general. Airports and spaceports were not the best damn venue to get an idea of a place – they were all bland buildings full of people waiting for something. It was kinda depressing. Yeah, you had people who were waiting for vacations but then you had the sad looking businessmen and lonely travellers. I'd been one of those, drifting through cities and the colonies until I got another undercover op. Ghost-like, I guess, not really belonging anywhere.

Seemed a long time ago now. Moved on from there.

I'd piloted the Preventer shuttle. For the first time in damn forever I'd been in the pilot's chair and it felt better than I imagined. Yeah, it didn't compare to Deathscythe – hell, nothing ever really did – but the sense of power and the knowledge of controlling a machine was still something that made my pulse race. Made me feel damn alive. Even if it only was a short flight across a continent. Even if it was damn uneventful and my only job was take-off and landing as the rest of the time I flicked over to auto-pilot. Even if I spent the rest of the journey idly playing with the ring on my finger and trying to figure out what the fuck I'd actually agreed to and feeling the ever so slight "tense" thing going on between me and Wufei.

'Fei must have damn noticed. He'd not said anything but hell, you couldn't get shit past that guy. Huh. I remembered him bitching about my tattoos in a tiny café in Berlin and  _they_  had been mostly hidden. Yet he'd noticed. Like I said, nothing gets past 'Fei. The ring still felt odd on my finger – big and clunky and just unnatural. It sure as fuck felt symbolic. Yeah, basically, I'd linked myself to Heero forever. And forever was a fucking long time. Though I guess with our lifestyles perhaps not as long as normal folks. I still didn't see either of us living to old age – especially now we were back in the field, even if Heero was just protecting the Princess. After all, someone had just attempted to kill her.

We didn't land at a major airport being that they were fucking huge and busy – instead, we landed at what once had been a British military base a coupla hundred of years ago that the Preventer organisation used. I felt kinda naïve about the organisation I'd just joined. Yeah, I knew they were a peace-keeping force. I knew they policed the whole damn earth sphere but I just hadn't quite contemplated the whole thing. Undercover I'd not existed to the organisation so it did not matter what the fuck I did. Now I heard Une's words echoing in my head about acting as though I was befitting of the uniform or whatever the hell she'd said.

Once we landed, it was a black town car and some British agents. I kinda thought about making some stereotypical jokes but refrained. Befitting the uniform and all. Guess it's a bad thing to disrespect colleagues. I kinda wanted to say something about stiff upper lips and tea and whatever but, you know, didn't. The boss lady would be so proud.

"We going straight to the Field Office?"

Wufei shook his head, his eyes glancing down at his open tablet. "We check in at the hotel and then meet with the Local Commander. He wants to discuss our investigation."

"So Une wants to make sure we play nice with the locals?"

"Something like that."

I shrugged and let Wufei be mysterious if he was not going to offer me any additional information. I leaned back in my seat and thought about trying to make conversation with our agents but then decided to just look outta the window.

I guess I'd never know if I'd go back to any one particular place – I guess I just seriously didn't know now I'd taken a job as an active agent and Heero was in Sanc for at least the near damn future. I thought briefly about the place we'd built for ourselves. I thought about us tangled up together in thin sheets in the heat of the night and being damn sweaty and sticky and not giving a shit as long as our bodies were touching as much as possible. And I guess I sure as hell missed it. I played with the ring again. Maybe Heero did. I was nostalgic for something I never really appreciated at the time. Huh. Guess you only want stuff you can't have or something.

The military base had been situated outside of London and I leaned my head against the glass of the window, creating condensation as raindrops ran down outside. I guess the old cliché of rain and British weather was damn true. Who'd a thought it.

When we arrived into London, heavily congested traffic, black cabs and imposing tall buildings around us, I kinda thought even though the weather sucked there was something kinda impressive about the place. Yeah, it was grey and dull at first. But then this was an old city. You could see the modern clashing with buildings that had stood for centuries, the large skyscrapers of glass and steel next to the old and the unmoveable. It was kinda heartening that even though they built those fucking huge and tall skyscrapers, the most interesting things on the skyline were the old. The buildings that had existed long before someone had the idea of the damn colonies. I felt so unused to this – the sense of history. The sense of place.

I was at times a total colony boy and despite having drifted through a fuck ton of countries and cities, I rarely went and looked at the damn culture or the architecture. I'd either been undercover which meant my perspective on a place was coloured almost entirely by the lowlifes and fucking scumbags I was having to deal with on a daily basis or I was passing through in some haze. Those years where I'd drink to forget the last undercover and fuck around with the first decent looking guy who'd show some interest and forget about the kids being trafficked or the drugs that were being sold cut with killer chemicals and forget that I'd been a complete fucking screw up and pushed away the only person that damn mattered. Those years had not been my finest. Yeah, I done some decent work – brought down some criminal gangs and shit but it had taken that L2 op for me to stop screwing around. Grow up a little. Let Heero in. Move on. Get engaged.

Shit. Still sounded fucking weird.

The hotel was in the heart of London, perhaps not as fancy as the place we'd been staying in Sanc but that had been paid for by a certain blond billionaire. This was being paid for by a peace-keeping task force. I kinda thought their priority shouldn't be if the place comes with fluffy robes or a decent mini-bar, more that we actually you know, catch the motherfucker who planned the whole hit on Relena shit.

It was as Wufei did all the checking in thing and I did the whole wandering around the lobby checking out the security camera thing, that I realised we'd only be getting one room. Okay, yeah, not a big deal. I am not the most modest person anyway, hell, it's a curse and I have no problem with my body even if I am a bit on the skinny side. Hey, Heero has never damn complained, in fact, he knows every part kinda intimately. But this was 'Fei. The guy who'd kissed me, well on the forehead, and had saved my ass from some fucked up life of drowning my sorrows or something. And yeah, me and Heero were now all committed and all but I still figured there was the whole shadow of three years where Wufei had been the one guy I could rely on, who'd kept my head from spinning outta control after so many shitty undercovers, who had stopped me from losing my damn self in all those sex trafficking rings and drug cartels and weapons smuggling ops. Really, there was so much unresolved shit here that being in the same room as him suddenly seemed like a damn stupid idea.

Yet, we had no choice as we dropped off bags and we tried to take as little time as possible as we had our goons waiting, parked outside the lobby.

I automatically picked the double bed by the door, kinda thinking as I always did about escape routes as the window was too high up for a jump out of. Unless, I wanted to do it in spectacular Heero style and I had jumped from a hospital window myself not too damn long ago on L2 and that had been a lot less height and was still not the best idea I'd ever had. Combine that with the pacemaker that's keeping my heart beating and damn, I'm so not gonna use  _that_  escape route. Maybe the self-preservation instinct that I've never had finally came into play. Maybe I was listening to Heero for a damn change – after all, I had promised not to be too damn stupid.

Wufei was looking at me, I realised, and I figured that maybe I needed to deal with the weird feeling that had been between us since we took off from Sanc. That he hadn't bitched at me taking over the controls of our plane, he'd only sat there for the journey, arms folded across his chest and seemed to be meditating. I kinda knew that was his thing, after all, he'd used that technique all that damn time ago on Lunar Base when I'd been so impressed with him. Those techniques he'd tried to teach me in a Preventer safe house after a fucked undercover.

I knew it was my place to say something, that I should say that, "yeah, 'Fei, me and Heero are getting married at some undetermined time" and maybe say he could be my best man or something but fuck, might as well be a complete dick and knife him in the stomach at the same time or something. I wasn't sure what his feelings were, never really knew but I don't think they were purely platonic. There had been too many times we'd nearly done something and maybe… yeah. I shouldn't have said the shit I did in the hospital.

_"In a different time and place…"_  I remembered saying.

Fuck, I really was the asshole in this situation.

"We should get to the Field Office," I said, "don't wanna give Une an excuse to fire my ass already."

I went for deflection and we secured our room, keeping our registered weapons and ID's on us and making our way back to our car for the short trip to the Preventer Field Office, both spending our time looking outside at the shifting cityscape. I briefly brought out my cell, deciding that really, Heero should know I've arrived, and sent a quick message before securing it back in my pocket. I knew dark eyes observed that.

The car pulled up outside a building that overlooked the Thames, the river that looked grey and depressing at this damn point. The silent agent dudes didn't say anything as we exited. I wondered if these agents were just drivers and I thought that sure as fuck was a depressing role in the Preventers. Join the organisation that protects the entire earth sphere. End up driving other agents around. Must be like being a cab driver. Least cab drivers got tips sometimes and at least they damn talk.

The building was probably the oldest I'd ever been in and I self-consciously tugged at my shirtsleeves and looked to check if my boots were a damn lost cause. I guess that whoever the local commander was they'd just have to take me as I was. I looked over to 'Fei who looked all put together. He didn't wear the regulation tie but still looked more official than I did. I didn't get it. Guess you could put me in a suit and I'd feel somewhere deep down that I was the street kid gonna embarrass myself or whatever.

It was similar to Sanc – meant to be impressive, I guessed, but then this was London. Yeah, it was no longer the heart of the world or whatever it had been a coupla centuries ago – see, I had been reading my briefs and doing my research, but it was still all about being important. The building had always had some link to peace-keeping, I'd read that, and it had housed British Secret Service or whatever the fuck they were called in the past. And it now housed the Preventers so the place had a fuck ton of history. Landscapes of battles on the walls. I mean, battles with horses and old ships. Not a mobile suit in sight. Art that was probably worth more than whatever amounts of Gundamium still existed.

The building may have been damn old but the technology was ever present. I could see the cameras, I could see the metal detectors and I knew I'd have to give up my newly acquired weapon as we made our way through the building. I'd just got used to carrying a piece again since my official job acceptance and I kinda liked the feeling but I handed it over as we went through the detectors and I complied with all the rules – let them check my ID, let an agent pat me down without any smart ass comment. There's a part of my brain that just wants to say that the only one who gets to touch this piece of ass is my  _male_ fiancé for pure shock value but hey, I don't and my weapon is handed back to me.

"You know who the Local Commander is?" I asked 'Fei as that little nugget I'd either bypassed or it had not been in my briefing notes.

Wufei nodded but didn't actually answer. Which seemed kinda ominous or something. Calm before a storm.

"Someone we know?" I pressed – as damn, there were so many people we could know, even in the vaguest sense.

The thing with the whole Preventer organisation was that it was full of people we'd either fought with, which was good, or fought against, which was bad. And I'd got outta that bullshit in my tenure undercover as I was a blacklisted agent and that meant I had no real records – apart from those that were kept closed, locked tight by Wufei's old team. Or maybe not so tight. After all, Roth had kinda had access to my whole crazy twisted and fucked psyche. My medical shit. My fitness for duty evaluations. So yeah, I wondered who our local commander could be and kinda wanted to cross my fingers it wasn't someone I'd pissed off in a past life. Not White Fang. Not some pompous ass Romefeller dick. Not some ex-Ozzie with a superiority complex like  _all_ ex-OZ officers seemed to have.

And since I was meant to be playing nice, to the rules and all, I needed not to piss the Local Commander off. As really, I wanted this job. Wanted this investigation. Wanted to feel the thrill of doing something that meant something again. I couldn't lock up Shinigami as much as I couldn't lock up any part of myself and damn, I wanted this. So, all in all, warning from Une and the fact I didn't want to fuck this up meant that Duo was on his best behaviour. Shit, really should not talk about myself in the damn third person, but basically, yeah, this had to work. I didn't want to have risked everything with 'Ro for me to end up back tinkering with cars.

We were led to a Briefing Room by an agent, his uniform damn perfect in every way and it was as the door opened I realised that I knew the Local Commander but, you know, as I have the world's suckiest luck in life it was not someone who I wanted to see. Or work for. Or be remotely friendly towards.

He stood up as we entered, doing that whole elegance shit that came from good breeding and knowing how to hold yourself right. I thought Heero knew how to stand straight with all his soldier boy shit but 'Ro had nothing on him.

"Yuy let you off your leash?" he said smugly as his eyes fixed on me. Cold blue. Not Heero's deep blue and not his sister's kinda cornflowery blue. Harsh.

Yeah, our Local Commander was Zechs Merquise. The smug bastard with his whole "trouble in paradise?" comment. And now I couldn't tell him to go fuck himself. Damn. I so have the suckiest luck ever.

 


	9. An Optimist About This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Pompeii - Bastille

If I characterised myself I'd say I'm a pretty optimistic guy. I mean, yeah, I've seen and done some shit, and yet I still keep coming back. I try to see the good in people even when they probably don't deserve it. Yeah, I mean, I can be pretty self-deprecating, I can get fucking pissed at evil motherfuckers and you really don't want to know some of the things I've seen. Not when I was undercover. Not before that on the streets. The world ain't a pretty place and that I can confirm that.

But I was running low on optimism as we'd walked outta the London Field Office, the words of Zechs Merquise running around my head, the snide look, the way Wufei just nodded at our superior like some boy scout rather than the badass Preventer and former Gundam pilot he was. As we stepped into the elevator I couldn't help being a little childish as I leaned against the side of it, the smooth mirrored finish against my back, my head looking at the pattern on the floor instead of looking at 'Fei's face.

"I don't think the boss likes me," I said, making conversation and Wufei snorted under his breath.

"I don't like you most of the time, Maxwell," he shot back. "And you don't like him. You've made that clear."

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm – I'd not forgotten our banter but I had kinda missed it. It was fun pissing him off even if it was only mildly and I knew Zechs wasn't exactly his favourite person in the world either but shit, he made my skin damn crawl. Maybe I had no real experience with him but I knew 'Ro's feelings. And the way he'd looked at me, the way he'd told me that he trusted we'd "act appropriately" during our "tenure in London" and that we wouldn't "do anything that would annoy the local authorities" – he'd said all of that barely looking at Wufei, his blue eyes levelled at me and I could do nothing but nod until we were out of the building, until we were away from the official organisation and making our own way around the city.

We'd dropped our little Preventer drivers as quickly as we damn well could – making our way around the city via foot and the underground system. That was how you travelled around London, that much I knew from my research and Wufei knew our route so I followed his lead – he was my boss, oh captain my captain and el presidente. Had to listen to his orders.

We decided to get right to the investigation. Hey, I'm not one for waiting around sitting on my ass and what was our other option – an awkward evening in our hotel room? Me not saying nothing about my imminent marriage or whatever the fuck while he pretended to ignore it? Or would we just work together, look at files, hover around each other, trying not to touch as maybe, hell, I didn't know – he might still have feelings for me and I was an asshole? It was better to get to damn work, to investigate as that was what we were here to do and I wanted to feel the sidewalk under my feet, I wanted to find out a little about this kid that was not just shitty info in a file or photographs on a damn tablet.

The underground, the tube system kinda amazed me. Okay, I'm a colony kid – we didn't have this shit on L2 – and Wufei purchased tickets from a nice little machine on the Preventers' dime as I looked around watching as people shoved tickets through turnstiles or used a card against a reader until they opened. They all walked with such damn purpose that it made me laugh. As an undercover op guy, part of my job was observing people and behaviour and the behaviour was damn fun to watch – people rushing and not looking at anything else but their purpose. Get to train. Get to job, shop, home, whatever. It was all so fast paced that I wanted to tell people to chill or something but instead, I just watched the patterns of people's lives briefly until Wufei handed me a card.

"Don't lose it – I've put Preventer money on this."

I rolled my eyes and gave him my best charming smile. "Me? Lose shit? You totally got the wrong guy."

"Just don't."

"Someone's touchy. Zechsy baby get your panties in a bunch?" I felt like I could almost see a vein stand out in relief on his forehead as he gave me a glare that I didn't quite get. "Touched a nerve?"

He didn't say anything only brushed past me to get to the turnstiles, waving the card over the sensor and walking through, leaving me to catch up. I thought for a second how damn easy it would be to jump them but, being a good boy, I didn't and all.

"Hey, Zechs was all on my back so you are golden, 'Fei."

The grunt that left his lips made me damn suspicious but soon I forgot all about his unusual behaviour and that look he'd given me as we were going down to the station via escalators, me observing the screens that advertised shows in the West End and whatever else. Museums. Aquariums. Zoos. Tourist stuff. Hell, I'd never been anywhere as a tourist – never been somewhere and just enjoyed the place. Wondered if Heero ever had. Damn doubted it. Huh, we could have a Honeymoon – but that idea nearly made me snort out loud. Honeymoon? Fuck me. The idea messed with my head.

Wufei didn't know my internal monologue as we got to the platform, waiting for a train to slide up to the station and I put my hands in my pockets, stared at the big commercial for Jack Daniels and kicked a little at the floor with my boots. I fiddled with my phone as I'd checked it for a message from Heero and there was none. He coulda at least responded with an 'ok' or something but then this was new relationship territory. And we weren't suddenly gonna turn into a perfect couple just because we'd put rings around our fingers. I then played with that until the train pulled up and we stood in the carriage, 'Fei's hand holding onto the pole as I leaned against a doorway, my legs crossed as the train rattled underground. I glanced up briefly, looked at the map of the system seeing the lines – Jubilee, Northern, Victoria and the others – all of them criss-crossing in different colours and I chuckled under my breath like an immature kid when I saw the station called 'Cockfoster's.' I may be a grown man with a fiancé and a badass job but I sometimes have the humour of a twelve year old – sue me.

We arrived at our station, Angel, and my hand seemed to automatically go to my arm and my shoulder – that angel tattoo that covered the skin there. The angel tattoo that was not at all Heero related. Yeah. Right. And I remembered our last night in that hotel room in Sanc and then tried to forget it just as quickly. Thinking of  _that_ , of him fucking me so damn perfectly, was not the best idea and so I let that happy thought go as we made our way back up to the surface.

The first stop in our investigation was the student halls that our shooter lived in and I was kinda amazed as we arrived. The kid was studying at the London School of Economics and even with my limited knowledge of the earth sphere's education system – hey, I'm nowhere near dumb, I'm just not traditionally educated – I knew that it was an expensive damn school. I was quick to realise that our kiddo was not some random run of the mill student and it made it all seem a little weird as we made our way into his residence.

The place was not like some student digs I'd seen. I mean, damn, it was like a fancy ass apartment complex rather than the usual and we had his room number from all the nice intelligence the local Preventers had done. We walked up a flight of stairs and along a corridor where the sound of different music drifted on the air as we passed rooms. Most doors were shut, a few propped open, and I glanced in a few to see the images of students on beds studying like they should be. Pretty normal. Average. That's what I coulda done with my life. Instead I was walking a pace behind 'Fei with a gun and a badge. I don't think I did normal.

We arrived at the door, the number 212 on a little brass plate, and as I got close enough to knock on the wood, I smelt it. The smell of a dead body.

There is a smell that bodies have that I can recognise from a few paces away and I was damn surprised that none of the other people in the building had reported it. But that was life, you know? We live so damn preoccupied by our own shit that sometimes we ignore those things and this was one of those. We knocked on the door but as I glanced at Wufei, I knew that he knew what I knew. Once you've smelt a corpse you never forget it. And neither of us had lived the most conventional lives.

The first corpse I'd seen was an old dude that I poked with a stick with Solo looking over me as I did it – some sorta dare, some sorta proof that I wasn't scared and I was young, so damn young, I guess around five, six, whatever and I'd done it to be brave and cool. Though that night I'd barely slept thinking about that man, imagining him coming back for me in that warehouse we slept in and punishing me for disturbing him in death. And I remembered Solo walking over, coming underneath the blanket with me and letting me share his warmth and comfort, him not saying a damn thing as if he knew it was shocking to see that first dead body and it was as if he knew the vivid images in my head.

That was the first one. I remembered it damn well. It wasn't the last. And today – this one wouldn't be the last.

Our knock was ignored and I nodded to Wufei as I brought out my lock picks. Old habits and all. He would've shaken his head and mocked me if we didn't want to get in quickly. I could imagine him telling me to follow procedure – maybe get someone from the school to open the door but you know, he was as impatient as me though he didn't show it so obviously. He reached for his gun as I jimmied the lock, nodding at him when it was done before pushing down the handle and entering the room.

The smell was worse once the door was opened and I grabbed my own gun as we walked in, raising it to an empty room. Well, the room was not empty, there was the corpse but the room was also damn cold – London and all and the window being open had probably made the smell less noticeable – less sickening – and it had been done on purpose. Smart. There were a few stray flies buzzing but the cold had stopped the process of decomp going too far just as it had stopped the smell from being too bad. Smart again.

I walked in and 'Fei followed, closing the door behind us – after all, didn't want someone to see this. Hell, I didn't want to see this but I had to. I raised the sleeve of my jacket to my nose as I lowered my weapon, holstering it as I knew now we were not going to be needing it as the stiff on the floor was not a concern.

"Call it in?" I asked, looking at Wufei and he didn't answer, only reached for his cell phone and began calling our damn illustrious commander. So I guessed. I bristled at the damn thought of him – his blond hair all foofy and his eyes all sharp and blue. The way he looked at me, in that way that suggested I was gonna be damn trouble and shit, I did not want our first day of investigation to be this – to be a body whoever the fuck it was.

I didn't want him waltzing in but it was what was gonna happen. This was our first port of call, this was us trying to get an understanding of the kid and look at where he lived – get more from the impression we got from pictures in a report – and as I looked around, I realized the Preventers had already been here. They'd searched, they'd ripped this place to shreds and they left it and we were here because I wanted to "get" the kid – I wanted to know which posters Aaron Jones had on his walls, you know, which chicks were on his floor that he tried to get to know and that sorta shit. And there was no way in hell there should be a body.

Wufei finished his call and I was kneeling down, keeping my distance – I was not touching this body with anything or part of me and I'd shoved my braid down the back of my jacket to be sure – and I looked at the face, at the indicators. The body had been dead for some time but how long it had been here was a mystery. It was a guy, young, young enough to be a student and he had probably been a pretty average looking kid if he wasn't dead. Nothing interesting. Probably good looking enough to make his way with the ladies but not some lady-killer. I was no crime scene tech but I'd seen enough bodies, like I said, I've seen too fucking many and I tried to work out how he'd died. It was then, as I leaned forward, I saw some rope burns and bruises around his throat and I reached back for my gun to move the collar of the kid's hoodie a little to see some indicators of strangulation.

"Don't."

I looked up at Wufei. "I ain't contaminating anything."

He made a "humph" noise, his arms folded across his chest and I knew he was thinking I was likely to – that I was gonna fall forward and end up with my hair on him or whatever but I wasn't that dumb. And I stood up cautiously, slowly, my weapon in my hand.

"You wanna guess why a strangled kid is in the dorm room of our shooter?"

"I don't speculate."

It was a statement that left no room for manoeuvre and debate so I sighed, walked a few steps to the window to breathe some air that was not smelling of rotting flesh and looked out at the road. This was a nice part of London, that much I knew despite my shitty knowledge of the city. This was a fancy ass school and I was looking out at some trees and a street with white row houses. I'd never been in a place like this and I couldn't imagine someone just studying here and I turned back around in the room, saw how Wufei had brought out a tablet and was making some notes like a good ol' agent and I looked at the posters – one of some sci-fi movie I'd not seen, a video game I hadn't played and a chick I didn't know who the fuck she was wearing very little and it didn't help me. Average kid and all.

There were no books left in the place, no sheets, or clothes or personal possessions – everything had been taken by the Preventers for analysis and we had the information in our reports. Nothing remarkable. Text books. No 'how to shoot a princess' memoirs. His laptop had been dull as shit and had nothing on it which meant one of two things: he either was a whizz with computers that was comparable to one Heero Yuy and as I believed no one was as fucking good as Heero, I highly doubted that – or he didn't do anything on that particular laptop.

I whistled under my breath and 'Fei looked up, glaring a little as I was annoying him. The preliminary interviews with his parents, his friends had all brought up nada and as I stood in this room, I saw nothing that said this kid was involved in shit.

Oh yeah. Apart from the corpse. As I looked back down at it again, I blinked as I spotted something. The kid's clothing had not been that interesting to me, you know, it was kinda like what any young dude might wear. It was what I wore. Jeans. Hoodie. Yet there was no tee underneath – that I'd guessed when I'd moved the collar – but I was looking at the strangulation and wasn't that interested in checking out the kid's skin. I mean, he was not decomposing properly yet but it was not pleasant, you know, and I don't wanna look at a corpse's bare chest.

But I saw it then and I knelt down, a slight sick feeling that was nothing about the smell or getting close to the corpse. I pulled my jacket arm over my hand and reached for the zipper awkwardly.

"Maxwell!"

I heard him, of course I did, and yeah he was my boss and all but I didn't give a fuck right now as I'd seen the black lines, oh those fucking feathering black lines and I pulled at the zip, the material parting as I tried to do this without doing anything to ruin the evidence. I parted the fabric and looked over the skin of the kids chest and I almost was damn sick – not from the corpse but from what I saw.

I stood, walked a coupla steps back as Wufei looked between me and the corpse. There were words I wanted to say, explain, but instead I just removed my Preventer jacket, 'Fei looking at me damn confused as I did that. He hadn't seen  _this_. He'd seen some of them but this was at the top of my arm and shoulder and I didn't know, didn't think he'd ever seen it fully, so I unbuttoned my shirt with shaking fingers, stripping down to my black tank and his eyes widened in recognition.

As on the chest of the corpse in front of us was an  _exact_ damn replica of my angel tattoo. Its placement was different, on his chest, its wings across pectoral muscles, but the lines were the same – the whole fucking thing.

It was my tattoo. The tattoo I had got as some symbolic thing for my love for a spandex clad suicidal asshole even when I tried to deny that I gave a shit. A tattoo that few people knew I had. Its placement meant it was rarely out in damn public – I intended that as it was personal – hell my entire sleeve was personal but that one, that fucking one…

I swallowed as I looked up at Wufei. "I have no fucking idea."

"Neither do I."

It was the least reassuring thing the guy had ever said to me as I gazed back down at the corpse and the angel ready to fly or fall – any trace of optimism for this whole investigation fucking gone.

 


	10. All I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - All I Want - A Day to Remember

The water was cold as I could get it as I splashed it onto my face. The dude in the mirror looked damn tired and that would be because I was. It was now the middle of whatever night as I'd lost track of whatever time and I just wanted sleep – maybe a greasy burger or something. But here I was in a Preventer Field Office bathroom, feeling a slight shake in my hands and maybe a little increased heart rate. Huh. I'd not been under a ton of stress since the pacemaker and while most of the time I forgot about it, yeah, apart from the big ass scar, now I felt the thudding of my heartbeat so fucking loud in my ears.

The bathroom door opened and Wufei walked in looking less shaken. Of course, he'd not been interrogated for the last two fucking hours.

"I feel like I'm the bad guy here," I said the anger bubbling just under the surface.

"It's protocol."

"Protocol? What the fuck is protocol about this? Dead body with  _my_  tattoo on his chest means that I'm getting my ass handed to me by fucking Merquise!"

Wufei sighed and leaned against the door, blocking anyone from coming in as he guessed I was gonna go on some angry tirade but fuck, I was too tired for that. I'd been bundled back to the Field Office in the back of a black town car and then brought into one of the lower floor interrogation rooms. I stripped my shirt off so that they could take a picture of every damn tattoo, taking each one in minute detail, my arm out for what seemed like fucking forever. I complied as Zechs stood with 'Fei and when I got damn annoyed after being asked to move my arm a little or turn or whatever for the hundredth fucking time, I could almost sense Wufei tense across the room and give me that look that I'd come to be so damn fond of – that one where it looks like I'm giving him a headache.

Then we'd discussed who knew I had the tattoo which I rolled my eyes during that line of questioning. Merquise pulled out an "Agent Maxwell" and I told him. Told him about the small tattoo shop in Berlin, about the sleeve being designed in consultation with the artist – how it wasn't something I'd just walked into the place and seen some flash for and gone "that one" or whatever. I didn't elaborate – didn't say why it was angel wings and I saw his cold blue eyes take it in coolly when I was stood in my tank. I was surprised he didn't make some kinda Heero related comment. Maybe he knew all my professionalism would vanish if he did and I might punch him in his smug face. I can be predictably unpredictable when aggravated. What can I say?

The people who knew about the tattoo I guess were pretty limited – I mean, hey, I may be a little scrawny but I have no body image issues but few people got to see me naked. Though there were nurses, doctors, people like that and when I'd worked at the garage, I had worked in tanks and shit but it wasn't like I showed off my ink. Yeah, it was there but it wasn't some damn big statement or nothing. And now I started to question every person who could've potentially seen it.

The tattoo was only the half of it. Sitting at a metal table opposite Zechs, Wufei leaning against the door, he asked the question that I knew he'd damn well ask – did I know anyone with a grudge against me? I downright laughed in his face. I'd killed people in a big ass machine of death. I'd worked undercover. I'm sure there were a list of people who held a grudge and wanted me dead but I looked over at Wufei then, saying the name out loud that was on my mind.

One person in the world had the biggest fucking grudge with me.

"Roth."

Zechs had looked across at me with steepled fingers and there was nothing else I wanted to elaborate on – he had access, he could find all the shit he needed and that was when I was done – which led me to being here in the bathroom, pissy and tired.

"He's doing what he has to, Maxwell," Wufei said as I'd not spoken and I shot him a calculating look.

"Yeah and he fucking wants me off this, right?"

He looked briefly down at the tiled floor and I found my hands balling into fists as that confirmed it. I was tempted to level a punch at a stall door or something as it had been a weird and frustrating day and I wasn't sure the last time I'd slept and if I wasn't so... so fucking drained I'd be more pissed but instead I saw a slight awkwardness in his stance.

"You agree?"

"If this has something to do with Roth, it's too personal. Perspective is needed."

It was a rational statement and I hated him for it. "Like shit am I walking away! You didn't meet the bastard – he didn't inject  _you_ with whatever shit and try to fucking kill  _you_."

His answer was pretty damn cold. "I didn't kill his daughter."

The blow was low and I was tempted to lash out then but instead I turned back to the water I'd left running and turned the faucet off as the memories made me feel sick. Yeah, technically I hadn't pulled the trigger but I was there and I'd seen her body crumple. Heero had shot Zee, or Zadie Roth as she was actually known, but he wouldn't have done it if she hadn't been threatening me. Never wanted him to do it. Didn't want Heero to have to kill a damn kid even though it was my life or hers.

I shut my eyes tight – remembering the barrel of a gun and the feeling of a bullet entering my body, my heart beating way too damn fast. And now my heart rate was erratic again. I needed to calm the fuck down.

"And that's why I gotta be a part of it," I said, my tone pretty damn low as I opened my eyes and levelled my stare at him. "I don't give a damn what blondie thinks – I'll work this case with or without a badge and he can fucking watch me."

"Duo," he said and I cocked my head at the use of my name – it was a rare thing and I admit, it weirded me out little. "If this is personal then Zechs is only doing what any commander would do."

"Thanks 'Fei," I said the sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Way to back up me over that self-righteous prick – he was a goddamn enemy, remember?"

"He's our commanding officer and the war is over, Maxwell."

My eyes narrowed then as I studied his face and I figured it out. I knew people's cues – it's what had kept me alive my entire fucking life. I knew on the streets who was an enemy, who was a friend, which people to avoid and which to talk to. It was my life and had always been my life and it was what made me an exceptional undercover agent. The only person I'd never truly been able to read was Heero and I suppose I liked that. He was the kinda guy that could still blindside me, as evidenced by the ring on my finger. Always the quiet ones and all.

And Wufei was tricky, a little, as he kept everything so damn tight to his chest but I had gotten cues earlier. Little cues. When I'd talked about Zechs at the underground station and then I realised I was so damn focused on being a pissy bitch in the interrogation room that at the time I didn't process how they'd stood pretty close together. Abnormally close together.

There's this thing – like I'd always noticed it with Quat and Tro – that people who've been together – had sex, fucked, made love, whatever you want to call it – have this thing that they mirror each other or something – that they have this comfort thing with each other and it's noticeable.

And then I knew why he was defending Zechs – not taking my side. Yeah, there was an element of sense to what Wufei was saying. There was the fact that I probably need perspective. I was personally involved and shit but now I got it.

I knew it was an asshole move. But I was tired and hungry and a million other things.

"How long have you been fucking him?"

His face only twitched but it was enough. He was trying to be composed and I realised that maybe, just maybe, I should have worded it less harshly. Should've said it without my usually flare for being crude but it was all I needed.

He glared, cold, and I deserved it. "It's none of your concern."

I coulda gloated that I figured it out – made a comment about him finally getting laid or whatever – but instead all I could do was meet his stare until I realised I'd been a dick. He could sleep with whoever, free country and all, but maybe there was some wounding to my own ego – totally not in love with me anymore. Or over me. Even if him and Zechsy baby were just doing the nasty and it meant nothing.

Could I blame him as Zechs had been an enemy? Hell no. Though like hell did I really want to imagine them together – that thought fucked with my head as it still didn't seem quite right. The war may be over but he had still tried to drop a colony on the earth. Zechs was hardly a stand up guy.

I held out my hands in an apology and dropped my gaze – giving in to the staring contest. "Look, I'm sorry man – I'm tired, I've not eaten. We allowed to blow this joint?"

"You were never under arrest."

He opened the door at that and walked out. I took one last look at the dead man walking in the mirror.

"Yeah but it damn well felt like it," I muttered under my breath.

If the drive back to the hotel – Preventer escort and all – had been awkward, it had nothing on being confined in a small space with Wufei. I almost made a comment about him going to stay with his boyfriend and realised it would be the biggest douche move I could make. I stop myself sometimes and fuck, Wufei didn't deserve me being a jerk to him. He never had.

I showered and took my cell to the bathroom to make a call – purposefully out of the way. I left the water running – hey, I wasn't fucking paying for it – and dialled, using the sound of the shower to mask our conversation. I didn't think 'Fei would listen in on purpose but then the hotel room was small, the walls thin, and I wanted to talk to 'Ro alone. Woulda gone down to reception if I wasn't so damn tired.

The time was far too late or early depending on perspective and I figured it was five a.m. in Sanc but I called anyway – the phone only ringing for a few seconds before it connected, the image taking a moment to be clear and I could see Heero was holding it while lying against a pillow on his side, his hair mussed and his eyes blinking away any sleepiness.

"Hey. Sorry for waking you."

He grunted and moved his position to sitting, the phone camera giving an angle of his naked chest as he sat up.

"You heard?"

"What do you think?" he shot back, a slight arch in his eyebrow visible on the small screen.

"I think you'll be tracking everything I'm doing."

He gave a little look in answer that said it all. I paused, looked at him, at the fact he was still fucking gorgeous on a tiny screen, even when he'd been woken up abruptly and hell – me? I looked like shit. He was far too good for me in so many ways.

"You think it's Roth?" I asked, the name harsh on my tongue.

"I don't think there's enough evidence. Don't jump to conclusions."

"You sound like 'Fei..." I said and I saw a small twitch of his mouth that no one else would've picked up but I let it slide. Hey, after all, I could reassure 'Ro that he wasn't after my ass anymore. "But you didn't see it 'Ro, it was mine, and no one knows this shit."

"Other people have seen it."

"Not that many."

"It doesn't have to be him."

"Yeah but who else would go outta their way to get someone tattooed and then kill 'em? Or tattoo a corpse? I mean, how the fuck does that one work? Who else hates my ass that much?"

"Duo," he said my name so damn softly sometimes that it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end or something and I just didn't want to be here.

All I wanted was him, here, and I was hating the distance between us, hating that I was in London and he was in Sanc. I itched to touch his hair, to run my fingers through it as I did a lot when he was half asleep or when we lay in bed together on scratchy sheets.

Shit, I was getting all sappy and sentimental but I was tired and I blamed that rather than anything else.

"If it's him, it is. Now go get some sleep," he said, his tone a little teasing.

"Hey, you know I never take orders, babe."

"I know."

I saw his smile, that little one that was only reserved for me. "Since we're on the phone and all… you know we could…"

The rest of the sentence didn't need to leave my lips as I did a suggestive waggle of my eyebrows, which was enough. I wasn't actually a hundred percent serious being that Wufei was in the next room but he snorted and did that little eye roll thing that I kinda adored.

"When you're in a small hotel room with Chang?"

I shook my head and let a little snort out. "Showers on and plus he's screwing Merquise so you know, no longer fixated on my ass, though does seem like he has a hair fetish..."

My voice trailed off and Heero looked thoughtful at that information, as though he was trying to figure out if it was useful. He seemed to dismiss it – or maybe he just didn't care who Wufei did as long as he wasn't still interested in me. Fuck knows. As I said I can read a million people's cues – but 'Ro was still something else.

"You should sleep."

His concern for my welfare was cute and all but I wanted to fall asleep listening to his voice. Impossible unless I decided to sleep on the cold hard tile – which actually was kinda tempting.

"Yeah – I'm going. Just needed to speak to you."

"I have work in an hour."

I knew what he meant. It was a "get off the damn phone and let me get a little more sleep" or go to the gym or shower or whatever. And it was kinda endearing that he didn't just say "shut up, Duo" or hang up on my rambling ass. He'd grown as a person I guess. Patience for me. Shit, me, his fiancé. Hated that fucking word.

"Work," I mused and then added, joking, "hell – don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Even through the tiny screen and the pixels, I almost felt like I could feel the heat of his glare. It looked kinda cute miniaturised and it looked less angry and more petulant.

"And that would rule out what, exactly?"

I pouted my best puppy-dog pout. "Remember, I'm on my best behaviour and all. No trouble from me."

There was a little sigh that left his lips and I knew I should disconnect but I was being a little needy or whatever. Still blaming the bone-weariness.

"Go to sleep," he said and I finally admitted I sure as hell needed it and I needed it now.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," I replied and then I smiled that smile that only he got – the genuine one not disguised by any of my bullshit. "Take care of yourself, babe."

He didn't answer, only quirked his lips a little and disconnected the call. I didn't mind him hanging up on me or whatever as it wasn't like that – we weren't those people who had endless talks about our feelings or whatever so our goodbyes were never gonna be intense.

But I felt better having talked to him, my heart beating at a normal rate as I turned off the shower and exited the bathroom, making my way to the bed, only nodding my head to indicate Wufei could use the bathroom. I slipped into boxers, throwing the towel wherever and slid into cool sheets and while all I wanted was Heero, him in the bed with me, his hand with my hair wrapped around it, I was too tired to stay awake, falling asleep dreaming about a corpse with angel wings sprawled on the floor.

 


	11. This Wicked City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Blood - Editors

It's an old cliché that things are meant to seem better in the morning but fuck, usually I found things became clearer in the morning and that made it worse. A lot worse.

We were sat at what the Brit's call a greasy spoon – a cafe or something – and Wufei was refusing to eat anything due to the amount of artery clogging food around or the slightly unsanitary conditions as I ate my full English breakfast, looking up at him when he wrinkled his nose in disgust. Hey, try not eating in god knows how long, though I had done that before, and any food is good. Though least I was eating rather than looking like some stuck up tourist type like the dude opposite me.

I always preferred to be somewhere like this – an authentic place rather than some chain bullshit. I'd done enough travelling around the earth and colonies to know you don't go to some familiar ass named fast food chain – you go to eat where the locals did – even if that meant Wufei only risked eating toast off my plate and I grinned at his pickiness. Or his desire to be healthy. Whatever – I had learnt a long time ago not to be picky and after yesterday's shit storm I would eat what I wanted. Medical advice be damned. A little bacon sure as hell was not as dangerous as a guy who wanted me dead for being involved in killing his daughter, right?

"You think this meet and greet with Zechs is me off the case?"

Wufei took another sip of his tea and looked over the rim of the cup. "I don't know. It would be the logical move."

I know I should agree – there was logic to the move and if I was in charge maybe I'd do the same but then I didn't think personal motivating factors were a damn problem. I'd fought two wars on anger and a need to avenge the dead. I'd avenged the church in a mobile suit that looked like a reaper but Solo, hell, that was all Roth's doing and I wanted my shot at slipping my fingers 'round his throat and squeezing until he didn't breathe no more.

I looked past Wufei as I had no real answer and he was doing his old x-ray eyes shit as though trying to see through me. Maybe he knew what I was thinking – that they could fire me for insubordination or whatever as I didn't actually care about anything but this case. I felt like I owed Preventer nothing. I know I could say they gave me a job when I had nothing but I bled for my undercover job – not only did I bleed, I nearly damn well died and had seen shit that still gave me nightmares – and hell, as they had done that to me, when after all my life was hardly candy and roses anyway, I felt that I had a right to be uncaring about pissing off the organisation.

As I looked through the glass of the cafe, smudged and unwashed, my eyes narrowed as I saw a row of stores and people walking past but I saw one guy leaning, casually reading a newspaper. That in itself seemed kinda retro – most people were reading on tablets or whatever – but as I looked, people walked by him, he remained static. And he fit in – nothing remarkable about his clothing – but I knew. Damn it.

"Has your boyfriend got a tail on us?" I asked bluntly, leaning across the greasy table.

His glare in response was kinda harsh. "No. I'm here to make sure you don't do something stupid, Maxwell," he said sharply.

"Good - because otherwise I woulda hated to say your boyfriend's got trust issues."

His brow furrowed as I grabbed for a ten pound note in my pocket – barely bothering to look at it as I slid it onto the table and stood to leave.

"Drink your damn tea. I wanna know who the fuck's watching us."

He turned then and it took him no more than two seconds to clock our lurker. I'd already made my approach to the middle aged lady behind the counter, preparing to give her my most charming smile and persuade her to let us use the back exit to the building but Wufei was quicker, bringing out his Preventer ID like some cliché from a cop show.

"We need to use another exit."

I sighed audibly and mumbled under my breath as she showed us out back. "Always gotta be so fucking official."

Wufei glanced back, indicating he'd heard and I scowled, tempted, oh hell was I tempted, to stick my tongue out but I refrained. Actions befitting the uniform and shit.

She led us out through the kitchens and maybe 'Fei had been right to be a little cautious of the food but when you've eaten what I have in my life and I'd yet to be killed by anything, I figured a little amount of germs or whatever was seriously not gonna harm me. I just hoped I didn't see a cockroach. Huh. Though I think I did.

The back exit took us to an alleyway that had the backs of houses looking down on us. I finally gave the woman my charming smile and a "thanks" but all I got back was a vague look of annoyance. And I'd over tipped. Totally not used to the ol' Maxwell charm not working.

As we walked down the alleyway and round to the front of the storefronts, I felt for my gun, checking for it under my Preventer jacket in some show of nervousness that I didn't exactly feel. I wasn't nervous really, just felt like shit was gonna go down, that unsettled feeling in my stomach and my mind clearly thought back to the dead kid with my tattoo.

Maybe when we saw Mr. Shiny-Ass-Blond-Hair, he'd clue me in about the kid and I'd understand a little more – know why that kid had died for some kinda twisted message to me and why we were being followed and what this all meant – but right now I focused as we walked onto the busy street.

People in London early in the morning are busy. Hell, go to any city and you'll see this. You'll see people walking around, their heads looking at cells and tablets, listening to music, being in their own damn worlds as they rushed to work and that made it difficult to spot our man at first but I saw him, leaning so casually, trying to look like he fit in.

I saw he was older. Huh. Roth had used kids on L2 but then that was because of circumstance. Street kids were willing to do shit for shelter and some kinda security and would do anything for him but then different places, different rules. His eyes looked towards the café front, looking through the red peeling letters and the smudged glass and I guess he'd not seen us move, me thankful that the badly cleaned window had done us a favour.

I smirked as I glanced at Wufei. I thought for a second about cuffs – hey, in a totally non-kinky way though I admit, totally could think of them in a kinky way – and realised that I didn't have any. Basically Preventer had given me a nice snazzy jacket, ID badge and a gun. It wasn't the best law enforcement package. But I was about to turn to Wufei to ask if he had cuffs – and also make some kinda comment about whether he had kinky sex with Merquise as I was feeling inappropriate – when our man ran.

And don't get me started on runners. As damn, you may be fast, but I'm sure as hell faster.

He realised he'd been made, the newspaper falling and I saw it in slow motion, my heart starting to beat fast in anticipation and our eyes met. It was a brief thing – that connection of eyes, that thing that said "yeah, I know this game" – and I saw he wasn't just older than the kids Roth had used on L2. He was a killer. Don't ask me how I knew. I guess for some reason, some people just get so dead-eyed and I knew how I'd been after… after Dallas. After L2 as shit, people deserved to die, you know, but I had become something that I shouldn't have fucking become. And I saw in that guy what I saw in the mirror after a particularly bad night of haunted dreams. It still crossed Heero's face at times. You don't just become a normal person after you've done some of the shit I've done.

The guy had that few seconds on me as he turned, running down the other side of the street across from us. I didn't give Wufei a warning. I mean, 'Fei was a shit hot agent and damn good at every fucking thing but he didn't read people like I did. He hadn't needed to. His entire survival for most of his life had not been dependent on whether you saw the way someone's eyes looked at you so, fuck, I was better at this shit and was running before Wufei even registered.

I heard "Maxwell" shouted at me. I ignored it. Damn, I was getting used to it again – my name being said in that particular way that told me in two syllables that he was pissy. It was like old times.

The streets were busy and shit, people did not look where they were going. I was at the other side of the road as he ran, pushing his way past and I did the same, a few mumbled "sorry's." I didn't know how identifiable the Preventer jacket was in London – as like all major cities, most crime was dealt with by the local police force. It was specific cases, the dangerous to the entire ESUN crimes that Preventer dealt with and fuck if the average Joe on the street knew what my black and tan jacket meant and all. I thought about bringing out my gun as I ran and then remembered that Une would probably flay me alive. Being that usually bringing out a gun and pointing it at random civilians to get the fuck out of your way was the action of a person who was not quite all there, you know. And I was figuring if I started waving a gun around then I was likely to cause panic. And get my ass reamed by our Commander.

I felt my heart pumping fast as I followed and I wanted to cross the road to get to his side but the traffic was damn heavy until I saw my moment. A bicycle had pulled out into the middle of the road, car horns blazing and I took my opportunity, seeing a black cab and taking a running jump, sliding my ass over the hood. Was it necessary? Totally not. Did I look damn cool doing it? Fuck if I knew but I was landing without a beat lost and was now on his side of the street, seeing his grey coat swish and him knock over some lady not watching where she was going. I felt sorry for the chick, wanted to help her out as this was London, and hey, no community spirit in a place like this, but instead I was running past her.

My heart felt a little heavy. Okay, I try to forget about the pacemaker but the beats seemed a little rapid as adrenaline coursed through my veins. Ba dum. Fuck. But I didn't stop, didn't take a breath, didn't let Wufei catch up to me as I saw him ahead, me not that far behind him now, and he was slowing down, that much I could tell. He turned a corner and I thought maybe, maybe, if I just increased my pace a little, another block and I could have him but as I rounded it as I saw he'd disappeared. It took a second before my eyes glanced towards the sign above my head – the red circle with that blue writing: "Underground" – and I realised, fuck, that's where I'd go.

Yeah, underground, that's where the rats scuttle back to and all. It seemed oddly appropriate. The station was busy, as the rest of London was during fucking commuter hour, and as I ran into the station I saw him doing the damn decent thing, swiping his card over the damn sensor and the gate opening for him. Fuck that. What's a little unpaid fare?

I pushed past people, hearing the a few "excuse me's!" and a few "assholes" and a few worse things. Hell, I'd been called most offensive names by people who actually kinda liked me so I ignored the looks from strangers, eyeing the staff before I made my move, approaching the barriers to the platform and vaulting it, my hands on the cold metal as I swung my body over.

It was a small crime and I heard a few "stops" shouted but my world had narrowed. There's a thing about being in the thick of action, whether behind the controls of a mobile suit, being behind the barrel of a gun, wielding a blade or just this – running to catch some bad guy – there's a focus that comes over me and I only feel my own body, the thudding of my own heart, and the world around me becomes a blur. Maybe it's protecting myself. I don't fucking know.

The platform had escalators leading down to it like most of the "newer" ones did – relative term, newer still meant a couple 'a hundred years old and I saw him on it. He glanced up at me with a sneer as there were too many damn people in between us and I paused for a second as I looked back. It was then I realised that my little hop over the barriers had gotten attention and now there were security after me and I swore under my breath. Maybe I shoulda just paid my damn fare. I saw Wufei arrive at the station and I woulda cracked a joke about someone losing their edge and his lap times as damn, he musta been slow to be  _that_ far behind me but then I realised I was pretty much gonna lose this guy unless I did something.

And then I did something stupid and reckless.

Okay, I remembered that I had promised Heero I was not gonna do anything crazy, anything that put my life at risk but I figured if Heero was in my situation, what would he do? I mean, for fucks sake – he blew himself up. So I got out my weapon, fired a shot into the ceiling, hearing the screams of panic around me. Damn if I didn't see a phone camera on me as I did it but I had little time to think of the consequences of my actions – Une could do that as she fired my ass – and instead I looked at the gulf between the up and down escalators. It was a steep slide, metal, railings at either side but then a path down the middle and there I was, sliding down it on my ass.

The dude panicked then as I thought he would, pushing past other people on the escalator and making his way to the bottom as quickly as he could. Hell, not as quick as me as I slid down, my gun in my hand, attempting to slow down my acceleration with my feet a little as I approached the bottom so this super cool slick and stupid action did not end up with a face plant. Which would lose any badass points I'd accumulated from shooting my gun at the ceiling, attracting the local authorities and probably giving Wufei cardiac arrest. Fuck. Maybe I shouldn't make heart attack jokes as I felt my heart rate was still a little too fast, the beating a little too loud in my ears but I managed to complete the slide, feet on the ground and see him bundling towards a tunnel that led to the platforms.

I could hear the trains, the sound they made as they screeched into the station and then the sound they made as they whooshed off – the noise of air through tunnels.

"Outta the way! Preventer!" I shouted at a few people but then I narrowed my eyes at him – his dark hair, his grey coat – and those people all became blurs as they seemed to get the idea to move to the sides, hugging the walls as I ran to the platform.

He was not that far ahead, not that far ahead, a few more strides and I could reach him and I could get my hands on his throat, push him against a wall and choke him a little, find out if it was Roth, look into those cold dead eyes and confirm it. Yet just then I felt a pull from behind. The fact was I'd been so focused on him in front of me that I failed to notice that now I had like six members of British Transport Police on my tail. Fuck knew where this dude came from as he grabbed for my fucking braid, whipping my head back and  _that_ ain't a pleasant feeling and it stopped me in my tracks as I was tackled to the ground, my gun sliding away, just as I reached the platform to see a train already at the station, the doors opening and the dude walking in as casual as he damn liked.

I admit, you don't fucking pin me down unless I'm an 100% willing participant as I hate being vulnerable. Lemme tell you, Heero had dealt with some of my shit regarding that but I kicked out at the officer holding me as I saw the guy turn towards me, nod his head and smirk as the doors shut. Our eyes made contact and I saw the train pull away slowly, my hands balling into fists as I watched him go.

"Fuck!" I growled and then turned my attention to my capturers. "He's getting away, assholes!"

This was probably one of those times when I should've listened to Une and acted "appropriately" as I guess being called assholes, kicked and then having to deal with me struggling against them all amounted to my arms roughly dragged behind my back and my head hitting the station's hard concrete surface with enough force to make me feel the blood trickle.

They cuffed me, tight, and I was grabbed and pulled to my feet by an overly handsy jerk. "I'm a Preventer," I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. "I was chasing a perp and he's gone because of you."

I realised that this defence wasn't going to work as I saw Wufei in conversation with someone in a fancier uniform and a ridiculous hat and 'Fei was shaking his head and arguing with the man. Maybe I should've feel gratitude towards him but I felt nothing but a little bit of a sore head that did not come from the pleasure of alcohol and the chafing of handcuffs not being used for fun times.

"You are under arrest…"

I heard the damn speech – hell, I'd heard the damn speech in different ways and different places but this time it was for possession of a firearm and fuck knew what else. I didn't listen, only looked towards Wufei who sighed, his hands outstretched, a look of defeat on his face.

Civilians were watching as I was marched away, my head hung in defeat. I'd learnt in my life that there were times to fight and times to just let shit slide. And I was letting shit slide as I was led to a service elevator to the surface. Wufei caught up before I got to it and got close enough to speak to me.

"Don't say anything," he hissed under his breath.

I didn't appreciate that advice so I glared back. "He got away goddamn it."

He couldn't follow then, the doors opening, and I was pushed into the elevator with enough force to stumble. I turned to see him standing there, his eyes pensive, his face unreadable.

"One day you'll learn that if you followed the damn  _rules_  then we might have got him."

All I can say it was a good thing I was in cuffs, that the door closed, that I was surrounded by police as in that instant, if I hadn't been, my fist would've been in Wufei's face and damn, it would probably have felt good to wipe that look off his face.

 


	12. Mistakes from Time to Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Another Sad Song - Lower Than Atlantis

There is one place I've spent more time than I think is reasonable for someone like me – a war hero, a charming young man, a generally good guy. That place would be in a cell. I'd experienced it during the wars, hell, I had far too much experience then and it was something that as an undercover agent I gained a vast amount of experience of too. As sometimes you just had to get yourself arrested to be extracted and it was just one of those things.

I didn't expect to be in a cell now, not now that I was an actual Preventer, but it seemed my little stunt had pissed off some guy I shouldn't have so I was sitting in a holding cell as I waited for Wufei.

My mood was alternating from pissed to flaming pissed. I'd been stripped, fingerprinted and suffered every kind of indignity possible. I'm sure one dude was kinda handsy on purpose but then I was in a defenceless position so I went along with it all. As really, I was screwed until Preventer intervened. Until Wufei intervened. I figured maybe I was being taught a lesson as the time ticked by – that maybe I was being taught not to be an asshole and play by the rules as my actions had consequences or whatever. I imagined that was what this was – some kinda lesson – and the idea was making me slam my fists against the wall, not at full strength as I had more sense than that, but at least it got some of my damn frustration out. Fuck yeah. Probably did deserve this.

I sat on the bed, the hard wood only padded with the tiniest of mattresses, and thought of all the times I'd waited like this to be bailed out. But usually, undercover, I was someone else, I was a different identity and not me. Shit. I wondered if they'd let me rot in here.

When Wufei came, I'd napped on the cot and been given food – which said something about the length of my stay – and it was a quick "wham bam thank you ma'am" kinda exit to the place, me almost feeling like sticking my tongue out as I left, my Preventer firearm given over reluctantly by the man who had taken it away. The last thing that was given back was the ring and I put it on my finger, feeling the heavy weight of it and looking at it for a second longer than I needed to. I had felt odd without it and I'd only been wearing it a few days as it did provide some comfort, some connection, even though he wasn't fucking there. And I fiddled with it as I walked, following a step behind Wufei as he led me out to one of the Preventer armada of vehicles.

"I'm surprised," I said to Wufei. "I thought you were gonna let me rot in there."

There was no real fight to Wufei and he merely nodded at me as he sat beside me in the back of a black town car. To be honest, it fucking freaked me out. That was mine and 'Fei's thing – verbal sparring. That he was as smart and quick as I was and could give me a tongue-lashing like no one else could. I mean, Heero was quick and all but in a different way – he was more deadpan and he would give up with me when it was clear I'd won but Wufei had an answer for everything. And now he had nothing to say.

Was he pissed at me? Shit I had every reason to be pissed at him but thankfully for him, my little solitary confinement had calmed me down and I wasn't ready to rip his head off anymore. Which was good. But his mood was fucking off.

"You okay?"

He looked up, his eyes skittish and I knew something was up – what I had no fucking clue but I'd never seen 'Fei not meet me in the eye. It was one of those things. Wufei could stare anyone down with those calculating eyes and shit, he had done it to me on one too many occasions. He just wasn't the sort of man who backed away from direct eye contact and it was the first time I'd ever seen him do it so obviously.

"Yes. We have a meeting. I need to prepare for it, Duo."

I noted the use of my name. Okay, not entirely a rare thing but "Maxwell" was his usual MO so when he actually called me by my name I always took a little more attention to his words as shit, it usually meant something. I swallowed, anxiety creeping just below the surface. This was it, I guessed, me thrown out of Preventer and Wufei was trying to make it easier for himself. After all, he'd wanted me and after all, I'd been a damn waste of his time and effort, fucking it up within a day of arriving in London and shit, it proved that all that effort he put into me was kinda wasted.

It was a melancholy thought. I always thought my worst mistakes weren't the shit I did intentionally – it was the shit I did just being a thoughtless idiot. I never actually intended to hurt people. I never intended to hurt Heero the way I did. Or 'Fei. Or Quat. Fuck, I don't think I ever actually hurt Trowa but I'm sure I did it by default by hurting Quat but hell… Fact is I hurt people unintentionally and maybe me being a damn disappointment was how I failed Wufei. That I did dumb shit, flashy shit, thinking I could singlehandedly take down one guy because I was just being damn me.

"I'm sorry, man." He glanced up then and I saw he looked really fucking awkward then as I apologised. "I didn't mean to fuck this up."

Take your Duo Maxwell apologies as they come, people, because I don't do it often. I continued and I saw him tense as I opened my mouth as though he wanted to interrupt me and I shook my head.

"No, I get it, you're the boss and shit and I should listen. That was what we agreed and I deserve whatever Zechs' punishment is. I'm a big boy, 'Fei, I can handle it."

He was about to answer, his mouth opening, but he closed it and looked out of the front window. "We'll walk from here."

We were stuck in traffic but the behaviour still seemed a little weird and I was chalking it up to a crazy day. A day which involved a chase through an underground station and a spell in jail. Though in hindsight, I'd had worse.

The Preventer Field Office wasn't that far away, a few blocks, and I didn't mind stretching my legs, feeling the air on my face and breathing in the city. The sidewalks were not as busy now but there was still a steady stream of people shopping, carrying bags, looking in stores full of designer clothes or whatever. It was when we arrived at the Field Office that Wufei turned to me and asked for something I didn't expect.

"I need to take your gun."

I frowned at him. "So I  _am_  being fired."

Oh yeah, Mr. Obvious – they are going to continue to employ you when you have been arrested and spent a lovely few hours behind bars but I supposed maybe that he would fight for me. Or someone would fight for me. Or I'd get a chance to fight for myself and prove that I was a worthwhile agent. Maybe I needed some discipline. But I could learn that, right? I could do that. I would plead my case. I could buy Zechsy baby a book of all the sexual positions he could use on 'Fei. And then I'd sorta freaked myself out with that thought and left it where it belonged, in the dark, dark recesses of my mind.

"I need your weapon."

"Fine… geez, stop being all mysterio."

I handed it over and then looked searchingly at me. "Knives?"

"Left 'em home," I replied and opened my arms wide in an offer for him to search me but he only nodded and we were walking towards the scanners, him with both of our weapons.

I couldn't question it anymore nor did I want to as we walked a familiar path – the same route we had done only a day ago – and I was prepared for my lecture, my reprimand, for Zechs fucking Merquise to be a superior shithead, prancing around and telling me all my failings as a person and as an agent. Or that's what I figured he'd do and I would listen. Yeah I'd listen like a good boy and nod and hopefully tell him what the case meant to me. I'd even tell him about Solo if I had to. If I needed to say that Roth was the man who had taken lives away from me and explain what it felt like to see someone slip away in your arms as a child. I never used this shit. I never told people my sad sorry past as shit, I didn't want sympathy as every action had shaped the man I am today but I'd use it. I'd use every weapon in my arsenal.

The door was ajar and I heard raised voices inside. I recognised Zechs but also the woman and I pushed the door open to see Une – which made me raise my eyebrows. Man, I was in trouble if the boss lady travelled here. What, it had been six or so hours since my arrest and here she was, in front of me already and I really wondered exactly how badly I fucked up for her to travel to London super speedy like that. I really didn't want to think about it.

Their conversation stopped as soon as Une clocked me, sitting at the head of the conference table. But her eyes didn't say anger, instead they said sympathy, and Zechs looked towards me and then Wufei as the door was shut behind me. The whole situation seemed fucking ominous and I glanced around at three pairs of eyes all looking at little old me. My hand automatically drifted towards the back of my head, scratching at the place behind my braid as I'd always damn done and it was a tell as plain as any I had. As this was not normal and I felt nervous.

Une looked at me and pointed towards a chair near her. "Take a seat Agent Maxwell."

I coulda asked for more of an explanation but instead I moseyed over and took the chair, trying to play this casual as I was not sure what I was going to be told, what was going to happen, so no jumping to conclusions and all.

"You've taken his weapon, Agent Chang?"

The question seemed weird and I looked towards Wufei who had perched his ass on the shiny conference table rather than taking one of the large leather plush chairs.

"Yes," he answered.

"Okay… I don't mean to sound rude and all but really – have I screwed up enough to need you, Commander?"

She took in my words and hell, if I was being fired I could say the word "screwed." Hey, 'least it wasn't "fucked."

"No, Agent Maxwell, you may have 'screwed up' but I wouldn't be here for such punishment despite your…  _challenging_  nature."

I smirked at how she drew out the word 'challenging' and I saw her frown and she looked towards Zechs who was stood, arms folded across his chest, and she waved a hand at him.

"Merquise?"

"Early this morning an attempt was made to kidnap Relena."

"An attempt?" I questioned, suddenly very damn puzzled.

"She is still at the hospital in Sanc recovering and she had her full security team with her… including Yuy." I saw him struggle over "Yuy" and my eyes met his, challenging him. "The attempt was thwarted. While the kidnappers seemed very capable and skilled, it seemed that they were inept at actually getting Relena out of the building."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked but I was catching up – my brain was catching up to the situation, to what I was gonna be told – and I looked towards Wufei who wouldn't meet my eye at all.

"We are telling you this," Une started, taking over from Zechs as though she could sense the hostility between us yet she paused and took a deep breath. "We are telling you this as we now understand that this was not a kidnapping attempt on Relena. It never was. It was only in the aftermath that… Heero was found to be missing."

I heard her words but my brain did not compute. First, it sounded damn odd for her to say 'Heero' and I'd found it oddly reassuring when Zechs was being all "Yuy." And secondly the word "missing" seemed like bullshit.

"Missing?"

Zechs took over again, Une glancing down at her fingernails or something and I levelled him with a look of pure contempt.

"The kidnappers used jammers, drugs, a variety of techniques and they overwhelmed Relena's security staff. From what we understand, Yuy went missing at 08:24 after he attempted to take over direct guard duties of Relena."

I swallowed. "I don't…"

The words faltered on my lips – shit, I didn't get it and I felt something tight in my throat.

"There's more, Agent Maxwell," Une said and I looked up at her and I hated her sympathetic glance and I hated her damn pristine uniform and shit I hated everything about this organisation. "If you wouldn't mind?"

The words were directed at Zechs who produced a laptop that had been sitting on one of the chairs and he opened it, pushing it across the shiny surface of the table. There was a video on the screen, the small triangle in the center to be pressed and whatever was on there would begin.

"This came through approximately two hours after his disappearance."

I looked at Zechs and then found my finger tremble as I pressed play. I expected it – oh shit, this whole thing made me expect the worst – but hell, when I saw it, fuck, my world tilted on its goddamn axis.

The footage was grainy – which I was damn sure was some crazy ass style thing rather than a statement about the recording equipment as fuck, everyone and their goddamn dog can afford a basic recording device – but I could still see it. The room was square, the walls metal I guessed or stone or something but it was difficult to tell. I wanted to take in the details of the location – the only light source from a single bulb embedded in the ceiling and I needed to see that before I looked.

As there was Heero. He was stripped down to his boxers, his head dangling forward on his chest, his hands tied behind his back and his legs strapped to a chair. I could see… fuck, I could see signs of torture, a deep lacerations across his chest, some bruises on his skin and… I saw his head lolled awkwardly as though he was trying to retain consciousness but damn struggling.

My instincts, shit, my instincts were to reach out and touch the fucking screen as he had never been like this – never been vulnerable – and I wondered who had the chemical shit to do this. To make him so weak. So helpless. So powerless. And it was clear. I knew.

Suddenly a figure appeared on the screen wearing all black and a ski mask and he walked towards Heero, pulling his head back roughly by his hair and I saw the sweat on his skin even in the poor lighting with the poor image quality. The masked man cocked a gun close to his head and Heero didn't flinch, didn't react even, but I could see his eyes fluttering as though he was fighting to stay awake.

"Talk for the camera," the words were from the masked guy but they were distorted, changed and mangled – the voice unrecognisable as human and sounding hollow, robotic.

Heero jerked his head, his moment of defiance rewarded by being pistol whipped across the face and fuck, I flinched to see his head swipe to the side, to see him spit blood on the floor. The hand on his hair released and the man ran a finger along the cheek that had been impacted by the gun and I felt a feeling of disgust coil in my gut as he touched Heero like that. My hands had already been in fists, my fingernails deep into my skin but fuck, that made it worse. I felt the ring, that ring that was symbolically linking us together, and it felt too tight, too hot or something against my skin as my hand clenched.

"Follow the script."

There was silence for a moment as Heero moved his head slowly, his face then looking straight at where the camera was pointed. I saw heavy bruising around his eyes, his nose was bleeding and maybe his lips were too as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Duo," he began and his voice was strained and it fucking killed me as I could see his eyes, so damn blue, and even through the screen I felt something inside me break seeing him like that. "Don't do what he says – don't come after me –"

"That's wasn't the script!"

The response was a kick levelled at Heero's side, momentum taking him and the chair he was tied to down to the floor and I heard the grunt of pain as he hit the ground and shit, the next one too when another kick was levelled at his stomach. I could feel my heart beating too damn fast as the man left him on the floor, bound to the goddamn chair, and he approached the camera.

"Duo Maxwell. Gundam Pilot 02," he said, the voice damn eerie and devoid of humanity when it had been altered so fucking much and I couldn't make out much about him as his eyes were the only part of his face not covered by the damn ski mask and they looked fucking dark in the limited light. "You have 72 hours. No Preventers. No help.  _You_  and  _only_  you – otherwise I put a bullet through his head and I'll make sure the entire earth sphere sees it." He laughed then, which sounded full of reverb, full of the odd sound of whatever the fuck was manipulating his voice. "Find us. I'm sure you'll work it out. You're a clever boy."

And with those words he walked back towards Heero, pulling the chair, and him along with it, back upright. And Heero rocked with it, his breathing laboured, his chest heaving, and I saw him look up through his bangs as he tried to communicate to me one last time, his mouth moving but no sound. The guy then ran the gun up his chest, finally resting it against his heart before he turned back towards the camera.

"And if you do… maybe I'll kill  _you_  instead of the person you love most."

With those words, the image blurred and the recording cut off. It didn't matter that it had stopped. I had that vision of Heero ingrained on my damn retinas – bound, helpless, bleeding – and I felt myself shake, my body react, and I was dodging my way out of the conference room, finding the fucking men's room as I threw up my guts into the bowl.

The physical reaction made me feel no damn better as I slumped against a stall wall, my breathing erratic and my heart beating far too fucking hard as I took in shaking, heaving breaths.

I had seen a lot of shit, dealt with a lotta pain, but I couldn't deal with him, with the man I goddamn loved, being tortured. And as I took in lungfuls of air, steadying myself, I knew – fuck, I _promised_  – that I would find Heero, get him back and kill every last motherfucker that got in my way.

 


	13. Room to Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Room to Breath - You Me at Six

"Don't," I said in warning, as the hand behind me had tried to damn stop me, reaching for my bicep.

"Duo."

The use of my name this time prompted the violence just below the surface and it took me approximately three seconds to have Wufei pinned against the corridor wall, my elbow just over his windpipe.

"You  _knew_ ," I growled, my face only inches from his and his eyes were slightly wider, maybe I had managed to shock him and he'd always accused me of being so damn predictable. Always being the one who reacted too damn emotionally and here I was, doing exactly as he expected, but maybe I was more violent, maybe there was more force. Fuck, I didn't know but I pushed, hard, knowing I was cutting off his air supply.

It took me a second to stop, to realise that I shouldn't be doing this to Wufei. I could smell his sweat and the smell of stale coffee that was on his skin and shit, in this situation he wasn't the goddamn enemy but it didn't stop me from wanting to do something. Wanting to act, react or do _something_  as it was too damn hard to just think and  _feel._

I released him enough to be able to breath but didn't let up my hold, as I needed, fuck I need to explode at someone.

"You coulda fucking told me – you coulda given me the heads up."

"I had to follow -"

I pushed him, again, fucking hard, as I knew the rest of the sentence. And I knew, yeah, I knew he was letting me get out some aggression after my little dramatic exit but shit, a part of me wanted him to fight back. He could punch me in the damn gut and it would feel better than I did right now.

"You had to follow  _orders,_ right? You really couldn't say that the man I fucking  _love_  is being tortured?"

"Duo - "

"No!" I shouted, pushing him again and I felt him relax into the movement and if I'd not been so flaming pissed, I'd realised he was doing that to prevent me from actually hurting him. "You don't get to  _Duo_  me, asshole! You don't get to set me up to  _that -_  to being told that they have no fucking clue, that I'm off the case, that I'm allowed psychiatric help to help me  _deal_ with this stress as if that will help how I goddamn feel!"

I'd been ready to damn scream in the room after I went back after my little journey to the bathroom to spew my guts. I'd been ready to throw a damn punch as they told me in no uncertain terms I was to step back, I was to step aside and let them deal with Roth and fuck if I was doing that. Maybe they knew that I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Maybe that's why Wufei had made sure I was unarmed – scared that maybe I'd go loco and start blowing the place to shit. But man, I just said my piece.

"Will you arrest me if I go after him?" I'd asked.

Une had looked at me, her eyes having that look that was far more steely than her sympathetic glances she'd previously given me.

"If you break the law, then you will leave us no alternative…"

And that's when I'd slammed down my ID, taken off the jacket, thrown them onto the desk and left. And that's what led me to slamming 'Fei against a wall as I knew what he was trying to do – but I couldn't step back. I couldn't step aside.

"Have you ever fucking lost the most important thing in the damn world?" I said and even I could hear how my voice sounded. Broken. Cracking up. Damn pathetic as I asked those words.

I had before, fuck, I had lost Solo, dying in my arms and I'd lost the Church, the smell of bodies and their charred remains in my nostrils but I'd lived through them. I'd lived and grown and moved on. But I didn't know if I could lose  _him._ The one who took my bullshit, who fought me, who fucked me, who gave me that little smile, who held my hand and asked me to damn marry him. As Heero, shit, Heero was meant to my future and fuck, if I could imagine a life without him now. And my grip was loosening, on Wufei, on my control or whatever.

"Yes," he answered, his voice low, gentle. Maybe even damn sympathetic. "I know."

And I let go, feeling myself shake a little as I took a few steps back. He touched at his neck and I realised I'd probably hurt him more than I intended and I knew he'd let me and damn, if that wasn't a sign of some fucked up friendship.

I knew we all had our pasts and I knew what he'd suffered during the war and I looked at him, at the way he clearly wanted to help me, that he wanted to and I did the thing I always did – walked away. Took the first few steps towards the elevator, stopping when he hadn't tried to grab me or any shit and I spoke softly, barely above a whisper.

"Don't follow me, 'kay? Don't get involved in this shit. I don't know what I'm gonna have to do"

I didn't meet his eyes, instead, looked at my left hand with the ring that was clenched in a damn fist and as he just stood there, I walked towards the elevator, only meeting his eye briefly as the doors slid closed.

The journey across the city was done via cab, me figuring out shit as buildings passed by and I was starting to think practically, not emotionally, as this was the only way I'd be able to get him back.

Packing up was easy, I'd barely unpacked anything from my go bag, grabbing at some dirty boxer shorts and throwing them in without care. I'd need a laptop or tablet, that much I knew, and I looked at my cell, bringing it out my pocket.

I slid my thumb over the unlock, taking a moment to look at the messages between us in the last month or so to see some dumb as fuck things. Like reminders to buy groceries. Like messages where the answer was "okay" and normal shit. As I looked, I remembered our last conversation, the one in the bathroom while I tried to drown out our words with the sound of the shower and I wanted to laugh at how damn stupid it had been and how dumb my last words to him were. I didn't think I'd need to worry about him as he was Heero, you know, always steady and strong and undefeatable. Hey, I'd only said "take care" as I couldn't get used to saying "I love you" despite getting over that hang up. And I took a second, finding myself on the bed and then swallowed, creating a new message on the screen.

I figured when they took 'Ro that he'd have his damn phone on him. As after all, he had complained like a bitch when I used to forget it at home and all, so I took a gamble. They sent the first message to Preventer as some kinda warning. Now I'd dumped the organisation and was flying solo, I needed them to contact me and me alone. As shit, I wanted to make sure it was me. As the threat had seemed fucking ominous. Break the rules and the whole earth sphere gets to see a bullet in his damn head.

I typed quick and pressed "send" – shit, it was not some essay, all I needed Roth to know was that I was game – that I'd find him. I was about to the put the phone away when I flicked again, we weren't a couple that took photographs or shit being that we weren't a couple like that, you know? But I flicked to the images I had, a few of Heero putting his hand in front of the camera and giving me a glare that said 'get that the fuck outta my face' and then finally to one where he'd not known, when he was just reading on a tablet and looking peaceful and I tried not to think too much about how he was now. That he was drugged, that he was in pain, that he was probably dying and he was probably wishing and hoping and maybe even fucking praying I didn't come for him.

Unable to look at it and see him like only did, I locked the screen and put it back in my pocket. I couldn't think like that – I couldn't think about that shit. I had to go back into mission mode. Bring out ol' Shinigami again and not think about what could be happening or what was and focus on getting the target back.

No need to let myself get sentimental. No need to think like I'd already lost him as I was going to fucking find him. As whoever the fuck was in that mask, hell, I doubted it was Roth himself, knew I could find him so it was something I could figure out. And I would get him back. I would, damn it.

The urge to get going made me throw whatever was left in the bag, checking briefly in the front pouch at my fake IDs, at the cash in different currencies and thanking fuck for my own crazy ass paranoia. There was another phone. A burner that I could use as I needed some old contacts.

I was fully packed, everything done and I swept the room with my eyes, seeing only Wufei's belongings and thought, you know, this was it again. I'd tried to become a normal individual, I'd made an attempt at a normal life but now not only was I being dragged back into action, I was being dragged back into the world of violence I'd left behind and fuck, I didn't care what I had to do – I would do what I needed to get Heero back. Kill whoever I needed to kill.

My plan was to head to Berlin, to trace the tattoo as it was the best damn clue I had and damn, it was near enough Sanc and the place he'd disappeared and central Europe to give me a base as I just needed to move my ass like fucking yesterday. I couldn't keep static, couldn't just sit and movement would help. It was a shitty plan but it was a plan nonetheless and so I would follow through on it.

I was doing one last sweep when Wufei arrived back – the sound of the door being opened jolting me due to an overabundance of adrenalin. I'd kinda anticipated he'd arrive before I left, I just had hoped he'd had to deal with his boyfriend and her highness before he sought me out and give me enough time to be gone. To be gone, buying a laptop or whatever, buying tickets to Germany and getting my ass outta the country but he'd took less time than I'd thought. Though I supposed I'd lingered, sat, looked at my damn phone – thought about those last words.

_"Take care of yourself, babe."_

Take care. Stupid fucking words. I looked at Wufei, tried to stare him down.

"You gotta let me go. I'll hurt you if I have to."

"You could try," he said and he returned my gaze. But then he closed the door behind him, stepping inside fully, and I scowled.

"You really want to throw punches?"

A part of me did, some physical aggression might actually help this burning feel in my stomach, the way my heart didn't feel like it fitted into my chest and how I was all pent up but he shook his head.

"I don't. I want to help you."

"Yeah, what about fucking  _orders_?"

I knew I wasn't being fair, I wasn't being fair at all but shit if I cared.

"I'm no longer employed by the Preventer organisation. As a civilian, I can ignore them just as you can."

The words took a moment to sink in and I met those dark eyes fully. "You did  _what_?"

Wufei approached cautiously, walking across the small space of the hotel room, bringing out his own bag from where he'd stowed it underneath the bed. "I resigned."

It was said in such a damn way that made me think we were talking about the fucking weather and I watched as he collected his belongings that were all neatly piled up and not the disordered chaos I'd created in the short time we'd been in London.

"Resigned?"

"Resigned, Maxwell, quit, handed over my badge – do you need further explanation or is it into your thick skull yet?"

I would've laughed at this if it weren't for the situation as there was nothing that amused me more when I could coax him into an annoyed rant – it just wasn't the time to mock him for his impatience and his pretty short fuse when riled.

"Why? You are fucking made for that job and you got tall and blond."

He sighed, his packing complete as I watched him, and even though he was methodical, his speed was probably quicker than my own haphazard approach to throwing stuff in a damn bag. Had to admire him for his eye for detail.

"I don't think the Preventers know how to find Yuy," he said and met my eye, "they don't know Roth. They don't know the lengths that man will go to. And I think we have to find him first."

"You're…" I started and then stumbled, "shit, you're helping me?"

'Fei nodded, zipping up the bag and walked across the room to where I was stood, my mouth slightly open, probably pulling that "huh?" expression that Heero mocked and pushed my jaw up when I did it.

His hand reached for my shoulder and I looked at it there rather than looking into his eyes. I felt something in my damn eye – I'm totally blaming lack of sleep and the shit storm of a day as there was no fucking way they were tears. As damn, I didn't do tears and I wasn't gonna do them now. As I would get 'Ro back. Home. To me and I'd marry that asshole and that was how this was all gonna work out.

"You need help. I'm here to help."

"Fuck, 'Fei," I murmured, "you know the sort of thing we might have to do, right?"

The hand on my shoulder slipped and I glanced up to see him nod. "I'm very aware," he confirmed. "And I'm aware you can't do those things alone. This time let someone help you. You won't get him back alone."

I swallowed back a million words. "Yeah but shit… Roth said just me."

"Then we'll make sure it's only you with hidden back up."

There was no strength in me to argue and I met his eye properly. In the past… hell, in the past I would've knocked poor old 'Fei out and bailed. I'd have just left without a second damn thought as I was always so sure that it was me against the world. That was me, you know, Duo Maxwell – fighter, loner, reckless idiot and this would've been another time I'd just say it was my job, my duty and no one else needed to be dragged into it. But I could only nod. I am a stubborn son of a bitch but this was one of those times even I damn capitulated. Happens damn rarely.

"Good. As Winner has sent his private jet to an airfield in Surrey and we are meant to be there within two hours."

I blinked. "Quat… knows?"

"We need his resources. His communication technology. How else are we going to trace the video link?"

I shrugged. I admit, in the knee jerk, gut wrenching, awful damn feeling of seeing the person you love being tortured made me forget the whole things I'd think of if I was thinking with a rational mind. And so I didn't think of anything beyond some crazy ass decision to hop on a plane at Heathrow and get my ass to Berlin.

Wufei came closer then and I felt like I should move back, that I should create distance, space, my emotions all over the damn place but he touched me again, this time on my jaw as he wanted me to look him in the damn eye rather than all my evasive shit and the touch felt intimate. Odd. Wrong. As it reminded me of Heero's hands on my skin and I wanted to move Wufei's hand but then there was something reassuring about his touch, about the smell of his skin and his dark eyes. I'd always admired 'Fei's calm – his strength and what he'd done – what he continued to do for me. And while we would never hug - our only intimate experiences were "shit, did we nearly kiss" moments and his lips brushing my forehead in that hospital - I felt myself gravitate towards him, my body wanting something physical.

I had to step back, turn, breathe, run my fingers through my hair and just back away from that touch as shit, I couldn't deal with someone else's hands on me, I couldn't even deal with Wufei trying to comfort me as I needed Heero. I knew he was looking at my back and I just spoke, low, quiet.

"I need to get moving."

He seemed to agree and he was collecting the last of his personal shit when my phone buzzed in my back pocket and my heart did a little skipped beat. I felt it, the little flutter that almost made me remember what it was like to have my heart feel like it was squeezing and contracting in my chest – and fuck, I raised a hand to my chest, briefly, noticing how Wufei's eyes had picked up on that instinctual movement. It was shit I couldn't help as I reached for the cell.

My message had been damn simple and so was his response. My words had been hastily typed with shaking fingers, the four words stark.

**/I'm coming for you./**

His answer was even more simple – coming through on a damn chain of messages between myself and Heero.

**/Good./**

For a second, I wanted to throw the damn thing against the wall but instead, I handed it to 'Fei who needed to see and he glanced at the messages until another buzz came through.

"There's…"

I kinda knew. I kinda expected. After all, I'd just initiated contact and they wanted me to find them, right? They had to give me some clues. Some more messages. Something so when I grabbed the cell off Wufei and pressed "play", I was more prepared than the last time, more mentally able to see Heero.

I guess Heero still wasn't playing to their damn tune as the camera was no longer static and instead, panning over his body, some kinda sick ass thing as despite the image being a little grainy and a little shitty due to the attempt at some "style", it still meant I could see better how badly he'd been hurt. And was hurting. Heero was scarred enough anyway, fuck, he didn't need any damn more. He was barely conscious again and I figured that was the only way they could contain him and I tried to stop myself gritting my teeth in anger.

Instead of making him talk, the camera panned out and I saw a masked man with a piece of paper push it flush to his abs. I winced as a nail gun was pushed against the top of the sheet and didn't look away when a groan of pain fell from Heero's lips as the "trigger" was pushed and the nail entered into his skin. The sharp feel of pain made him a little more awake as the camera focused on his face, on his closed eyes, on his grimace and I had to keep watching despite how I felt as the camera was placed in the same angle as the first video.

I could see the sheet of paper matted with some of his blood, the red seeping through it.

**FIND ME. 70 HOURS AND COUNTING DOWN.**

Wufei had been looking over my shoulder and I locked the phone, shoving it into my pocket and I knew my face was set in a grim line of determination, that my voice was as hard and steely as I could damn well make it.

"Let's go find him."

And 'Fei knew it was time to just follow me as only death would stop me from killing Roth and getting Heero back.

 


	14. Time is a Valuable Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - In the End - Linkin Park

I set a countdown. It didn't really make me feel any better being that each time I looked at my phone, I saw how many hours and minutes I had left to try and find Heero but damn, I wanted to know exactly how quick time was passing.

Time was an interesting thing. When you have nothing to do, nowhere to be, when you're somewhere you hate it takes fucking forever to pass. Now, when I wanted it to slow down, it was speeding up and shit, I hated how helpless I was. As we had nothing to go on yet apart from my dumb as fuck idea to trace the tattoo in Berlin and as we had nothing better, Berlin it was.

Berlin was a city I'd liked. It was one I'd spent time in to forget like so many damn cities but that time it was just after Wufei's little secret came out about 'Ro being alive and working for him so it was a little tainted by those thoughts. It wasn't like Barcelona where I'd got drunk and screwed around with some guy. It was where I wrote shitty report and smoked and tried to deal with the deceit of Wufei hiding that little nugget from me. It'd been following orders then on his part – and now, now we weren't doing that anymore. It was kinda liberating.

We'd lost another five hours since the last message – travel to the airfield, the flight to Berlin, shit, all I felt was I was losing him in increments but we would've lost more without the private jet, without Quatre's help and while I was still in the mind set of "let me do this on my own", I knew enough that I couldn't this time. Had to suck it up as I'd let Quatre's people hack into my phone so they could try and triangulate the signal and work out a location. I was accepting the help I was offered - see, I had grown as a person. At least a little.

Of course, when we arrived at the airfield it had been a not so happy face to greet us and I'd not entirely been surprised to see Trowa being the one to open the door.

"Need a co-pilot?" I'd asked in faux cheeriness.

Trowa had given me one searching look up and down my body – seeing through the pretence. "You look like hell. Get some sleep."

It wasn't a bad assessment, rumpled clothes, dark bags under my eyes but like hell was I going to sleep, instead, I sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs and started to figure out everything we knew. Wufei took the co-pilots chair, not that I blamed him for it even though being in a cockpit might distract me some but then I guess he wanted to talk with someone who wasn't an overly emotional mess and Trowa was Mr. Stable.

I figured a lot of shit out in my head and none of it was reassuring. Relena was shot to draw us out. Okay, I know this inflates our egos but it's the only action that makes sense. She was shot at point blank range so by rights, she should be dead and all and she wasn't. But Roth knew… fuck, Roth always knew everything he needed to know about me and Heero. And that thought had made me get up and walk to the cockpit to see them sat in silence.

"Do you still have access to the Preventer network?"

Wufei glanced up at me at that. "I'd imagine my passwords will have been revoked immediately."

"You imagine or you know?"

He'd given Trowa a nod and left him in the cockpit as he came back into the plane. It was perhaps no surprise that Quat's jet had access to networks, being that Quat was pretty much The World's Most Powerful Man – copyrighted and trademarked, and Wufei had opened his Preventer tablet, not given back in the haste of our resignations and he 'd been typing in a password while I watched his action.

His eyes had widened as he accessed the network. A word passed his lips and if I hadn't been watching him so closely, I wouldn't have seen "Zechs" murmured. It would've intrigued me if I wasn't so single-minded, that 'Fei assumed Zechs was letting him retain access to the Preventer networks but then we needed it. Damn did we need it so when I'd reached out for the tablet, he'd looked a little disgruntled at my impatience but didn't say nothing as I took it.

"What's your access level?"

"What do you know about access levels?"

"Shit… please, 'Fei, don't you think Heero kept an eye on the Preventer networks and our files? Don't you think we wanted to know if we were being monitored? Don't you think we wanted to know if our life had been compromised? Our playing house?"

The last phrase was a little cruel but I saw Wufei only twitch slightly at the insinuation but he'd answered. "Eight."

I'd blinked. "I thought you'd been demoted."

"I moved departments – it was a choice."

I'd stopped myself from making a shitty comment about blowing Zechs or being good in the sack as I knew I was using some attempt at sarcasm and humour to mask how I felt inside. How shitty I felt. And it wasn't fair but I was feeling like lashing out as some form of protecting myself. And so instead, I'd looked at the tablet and flicked to the personnel files that Wufei had access to – specifically mine and Heero's.

Our files were long and I'd accessed them before. Mainly because I wanted to know what they had on me – wanted to know what people could find out. To see the information archived was vaguely unsettling. To see the videos, the little squares of Heero's face with a date marked underneath, seemed so odd. It was this – this was what Roth had used, this information and I tried to figure out what to watch. When to watch. Wondered what sort of missions Heero had gone on – what sort of trauma's he'd experienced during his years undercover.

And as I read the files they had on us, all I could do was realise the biggest weakness we both had and how damn obvious it had been in all our files. Each other. And Roth knew that – knew the reports that Wufei had submitted saying my damn "affection" for Heero, knew the fact that I was stubborn, damn loyal and would do anything for those that I loved. I saw the phrase "martyr complex" at one point and could only smirk. For the people I damned love, I would sacrifice it all. Roth was using this. Using us. And it made me sick.

I'd gritted my teeth together and was restless for the duration of the journey. Trowa had put on auto-pilot and gave us a bag of supplies that I only raised an eyebrow at. The array of weapons was impressive and I'd let out a low whistle. He didn't add anything more than that as shit, I knew Trowa had always been a sneaky motherfucker and I wondered if Quat knew he had access to stuff like that. Or maybe Quat did. Perks to being one of the world's wealthiest men, I guess. But when a new shiny laptop, a tablet and a nice stash of knives and guns was in the bag, I wasn't going to complain. Neither was I gonna complain for the help. As shit we needed it.

Once we landed, it was a case of moving quick and saying a short goodbye to Trowa. As I'd walked off the plane behind Wufei, I took a moment, realising I'd never been that fair to Trowa. But then we'd never be buds, you know, too fucking different but still, I could depend on him. He was someone I staked my life on. And 'Ro's.

"Thanks," I'd said quietly.

"Get Heero back."

"Count on it."

Our journey to the tattoo shop was taken by a cab, helpfully waiting for us on the landing strip and I wanted to say thank you again but I could see the refuelling taking place and knew that Trowa would take off. And we'd already lost time.

The tattoo shop was as I remembered even though it was a long time ago. I'd changed since then. Things had changed since then but it was all so damn familiar. I remembered the day I decided to just go "fuck it" and get the thing as I was done. The Preventer's had had enough blood, sweat, tears and psychological trauma from me for me to just damn it all to hell. I'd been hanging around a boxing gym, getting out some of my pent up aggression there and imagining that I was slamming my fists into Wufei's face at the whole shit of hiding Heero's existence to me and I'd seen a dude with ink and decided that I'd just do it.

And he knew enough English and I knew the tiniest amount of German to make my intentions known as he took me to this shop, the 'Schwarze Katze' and I moseyed at the flash, got across my design idea, watched as the dude drew an elaborate design on a piece of paper and I watched him do it kinda amazed. So walking to the door, seeing the sign with the cat, the words in big ass script, and the tattoo prints in the window, I felt like for one moment, I was back in some time warp where all this shit hadn't happened. Where I didn't know Roth existed. When I'd not been made to go back to L2. And ultimately, I guess, a time when Heero wasn't being tortured for some stupid as fuck reason to get to me.

I pushed the door, the little tinkly bell making a noise as I stepped through and Wufei followed and I could see that damn look on his face. I rolled my eyes. Worse thing I could do than get a few tats, lemme tell you. I'd been so fucked up at that stage I coulda been in a much worse situation than when Wufei found me and offered me the Preventer job. So the ink, the hours in the chair, where I just sat and watched and thought and felt the throbbing pain of needles across skin, had all been a therapy I damn needed. So it felt oddly nostalgic as I walked into the shop, eyes scanning the walls, the large posters, the signs about being over eighteen or whatever.

Huh. No dude at the desk out front. Only the faint sound of one gun buzzing. I glanced back as 'Fei shut the door behind him, the bell tinkling again, and saw that this way on the sign said "closed" so that meant it said "open" the other way so the place… was meant to be open. Meant to have people being inked as we speak. But there was no sign.

It was then I felt a small prickle at the back of my neck, an instinct that told me something was happening and fuck, I was already damn angry. As  _he_ fucking couldn't have known I'd come here, right?  _He_ couldn't. It was then I was drawing out my weapon from the waistband of my jeans, the handgun Trowa had supplied me with firm in my grasp and Wufei took the hint, drawing out his own, as I walked further into the shop.

There was a sound of buzzing now though not as loud as I knew the sound of when a tattoo gun was going into someone's skin and I swallowed as the back of the shop was dark. There was an open archway into the back where the chairs were and a step down and as I approached I saw the first sign of the shit I expected. A pair of damn feet in checkerboard Vans and I rounded the corner, holding my gun out to see bodies on the floor and blood staining the walls.

The buzzing came from a tattoo gun, set on a low speed, buzzing against the floor and I leaned down to the first body, one of the tattooist who'd worked at the shop and felt for his pulse. Shit, I knew there was no point – I've seen enough bodies to know, you know, as the blood… fuck the blood. The whole room smelt of the coppery tang of blood – so fucking strong it was on my tongue and the only good thing was as I reached down to touch the dude's throat was that he was still a little warm.

"This wasn't done long ago," I said, the disgust in my voice barely contained, "they're not even damn cold."

Wufei made a noise low in his throat and I glanced over to where he was beside some kid… I say kid, as shit, he looked sixteen and I guessed maybe he was one of the clients as he wasn't one of the tattoo artists I'd seen. I confirmed that as I stood up, walking over the pools of blood, and stood behind 'Fei, to where his head was bowed and I saw the kid had some unfinished ink on his abs. Meant to be some traditional pirate ship thing, I guessed, as I saw the outline of the mast and other shit and then my eyes narrowed. As I saw another fucking tattoo. A message.

"Fuck," I whispered and in anger, I was slamming a fist into a goddamn metal cabinet, feeling my knuckles bruise at the impact. Damn if I cared.

It was then I turned to see the guy who'd done my ink, his beard matted with blood that had come from his mouth, probably when the blade pierced his lungs and the tattoo gun was near to him, his hands still in latex gloves from doing his last tattoo. The last tattoo he'd ever do and fuck, it was my fault that he was dead.

"Where is it?" I growled and Wufei looked up sharply and I realised he'd written down what he'd seen inked into the kids chest into a small notepad.

"We should get out of here," he said, his voice level and he got to his feet, straightened, his posture damn perfect.

"That's all you got to say?"

"We've contaminated the crime scene and the local police could arrest us. We move."

The words were level, unemotional and I was not okay about that. That there were three bodies in this room and the only reason they were fucking corpses was that they had the unfortunate luck to meet my scrawny ass at some point in their damn lives. And shit, the kid getting his traditional pirate ship hadn't even fucking met me. Poor asshole. Always getting people killed, that's me, might as well just give the fuck up on life.

"This happened because of  _me_ ," I said, my voice loud as I saw the sprays of blood, the bodies and it was all just another time it was my fault.

"It happened because Roth's a sociopath. You didn't kill these people."

"I didn't need to." My words were of a defeated man. As shit, there it goes happening again. Everything I fucking touch turns to dust. "It still happened."

My eyes looked at the kid, the innocent kid involved in this situation and his unfinished tattoo and fuck, I couldn't speculate as I didn't know shit, but he'd probably not lived his life – not done all the things that I'd done and now he was dead. Didn't deserve it.

Wufei's hands were on my shoulder then he jolted me, shaking me out of my self-pity and I looked up to meet his eyes.

"Maxwell, none of this is your fault. Roth did this. Roth kills people. Roth is torturing Heero because he is a sociopath. Everything does not revolve around you," he said, voice steady, "now we need to get the fuck out of here before the local police arrest us for this."

The word 'fuck' made me blink as I didn't recall him ever using it and I nodded, dumbfounded as he slid his gun away. "Move out."

The old military term seemed to work, re-igniting my brain into mission related thoughts and I was following 'Fei, my own gun tucked back into the waistband of my jeans, my leather jacket over the top. I looked back before we left the shop, listening to the faint sound of the tattoo gun, feeling like I could still smell blood in my nostrils and I turned forward, following Wufei, the bell tinkling like a death toll as we left, blood sticking to our boots.

It was only once we were away, in a shitty hotel room, the laptop we'd acquired from Trowa on the cheap floral patterned sheets did Wufei input the numbers he'd written down. I stood by the window, smoking through the opened glass and he'd only raised one defined eyebrow as I glared back in response. I didn't give a shit right now – hey, 'Fei was no Heero, checking up on my heart and health but he still could make his opinions known with only the slightest of looks.

I looked at my reflection and scowled, finishing the smoke, putting out the butt on the dirty windowsill and throwing it to the alleyway below. It was then I turned around, walked slowly across the room to where Wufei had open a highly detailed map.

"Where is it?"

"A shipping container in Westhafen in Moabit."

"Huh?"

"Westhafen – the largest port in Berlin."

"I don't need a fucking geography lesson," I retorted and came up behind him, seeing the laptop screen and a little blinking dot located over a satellite image of a shipping yard. I took in the image, wondered for a second if we were tapping Preventer's feeds and then walked across the room to my go bag, rifling through it for what I thought I might need. "What are you waiting for?"

He hadn't moved as I grabbed for weapons, as I grabbed for whatever I thought would be useful.

"It's a trap. Yuy won't be there."

"We don't  _know_ that, please 'Fei," I said, damn near begging, unable to meet his eye as I felt like I was fucking losing it. "If this was someone you loved what would you do?"

"Go. Confirm. I'd have to know."

I nodded. "So you'll come with me?"

'Fei didn't answer, only got to his feet and walked over to his own bag, grabbing a weapon. It may be a trap and it may be a set up but fuck, if there was any chance Heero was there, I would go.

 


	15. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Monster - Paramore

If there's a point to just go "fuck it" to doing anything legally, it was now. And Wufei may have always been the one I'd thought of as respectable and all – rules and conduct and shit – he soon gave into my way of thinking, watching out as I jacked a car, picking something boring, grey, dull as shit. Nothing fancy. Never draw attention to ourselves and all. Learnt that in a life of undercover.

"Done that a lot?" he asked as he got in, his eyebrow raised.

"More than you want to know."

It wasn't that we couldn't damn afford to get a rental, as hell yeah we could, I had the relevant currency and all – my go bag was well equipped – but it was an attempt to avoid our moves being too obvious. Even if we were walking into a trap. Quat had got in touch and his damn techs had only a vague location for Roth – his signals being pinged off too many fucking towers and satellites. I'd not understood it all, shit, I knew enough about tech to survive but I was a hands on dude, not like 'Ro, but I got it. We knew they were in Europe. Or Northern Africa. So shit, at least we weren't too far away.

But hell if it mattered us being sneaky if it was a trap. It was now night as I drove. Wufei gave me directions, the tablet in his hand as I drove a little too fast but not too fast to draw attention. Even as I drove, I felt my heart rate increase a little. I tried to imagine the best scenario here. Heero was in a shipping container being tortured. We'd have to sneak to get to him, take out Roth's men as we went and try to drag him out in his injured state. The other scenarios included him not being there – this being all a set up for me to be captured and tortured too. And then there was the worst damn option – Heero dead. Which I was not gonna believe. I'd never believed he was all those years that I'd been undercover as I figured I'd know – some stupid as shit belief that if he was dead, I'd fucking know, so I was going with that now as I made my way around the streets of Berlin, listening to 'Fei's calm instructions of "left" and "right".

The Westhafen port was a damn large place. Even now, supplies and shit still got delivered by boat and damn, the yards were full of large carrier barges and rows and rows of stacked shipping containers.

We parked up in a lot, the normality of that situation making me wanna laugh, and then I was grabbing what supplies we'd need. Trowa's bag of weapons remained in the back seat along with the tablet and laptop. We programmed the signal into my phone so we could track the little red dot that pin-pointed the co-ordinates and I checked the barrel of the handgun, paranoia gripping me, as a part of me damn knew this was a stupid as fuck idea. A part of me figured this was some kinda trap – that there was no way 'Ro would be here but then… shit, I had to confirm.

"I'll take point," I said and Wufei just gave a brief nod in response. There was something about working with him that meant I didn't have to explain my intentions too damn much and it felt good. Felt good to be backed up. Felt like the war. And for once, I wasn't being a stupid ass and I was accepting the help.

I walked between the containers, my phone telling us we were getting closer and my eyes scanned every direction, looking up as that's where I'd damn be. I'd be waiting, armed with a machine gun, ready to fire the people underneath me but I didn't know what the plan was here and fuck, I didn't think Roth had ever been as straightforward as me.

We walked carefully, slowly, my boots making a noise on the hard concrete under foot and I felt the drizzle of the night and I guessed it all seemed damn appropriate for what was about to happen. My anxiety level was high as I stepped forward and I was just fucking waiting for something –  _anything_ , damn it.

And it didn't help my heart. I'd not felt  _this_ for a damn long time. The way my heart felt too large for my chest, the way each beat seemed to reverberate around my rib cage. Ba dum. Ba dum. Fuck, stress was obviously not good for the ticker but fuck, I was not gonna turn and tell Wufei. Not going to walk away as this was too important.

The map on my phone indicated we'd got to the correct container and I glanced up expecting something but all I saw was the damn sky and no snipers, no nothing. Wufei looked just as unsure as I did at the silence, the quiet, and there being no one damn around was more unsettling than if Roth's men had been out in force. If guns had been firing at us, if we'd been ducking between the shadows of shipping containers. It all felt damn near wrong and I scooted around to the doors of the container, hugging the metal sides as though still waiting for the ambush I expected, holding my breath to see men with guns pointed at my head but all I saw was another line of containers. No one else around.

Wufei followed, his footfalls silent and as I drew closer to the door, I heard a noise that made my heart hammer in my chest way too fucking hard. Ba dum. For a second, I got flashbacks, to the pain I'd felt in my chest, to the feelings of my heart sputtering and giving up, but I took a breath and listened. Okay, the grunts, the moans of pain could not be Heero and it was too damn obvious for him to be here – to be led here but then my brain was not thinking of logic and practicality. It was thinking of how the fuck do I open this door and get to Heero? How could I do it as quickly as I damn could?

As the sounds – fuck, I knew all his sounds. I knew the sound of his chuckle, deep, throaty, I knew how he sounded when we fucked, the grunts and the moans, and I knew his satisfied sigh that would escape his lips when he didn't think I noticed, when we were just relaxed and curled up around each other. And it was him.

I grabbed at the padlock and felt Wufei's hand stop me.

"Quietly," he cautioned and I nodded.

There were instincts that had come alight when I heard the sounds coming from that container and shit, I was not thinking straight. Maybe Zechsy baby had been right. Shit, personal feelings got in the way. As my personal safety,  _my_ life, hell, I'd sacrifice that for Heero to live any damn day of the week. He never deserved to die just because I fucking loved him.

Instead, I used the lock picks I still carried around like some kinda security blanket, using them quickly and letting the simple lock fall to the ground. It seemed a woeful lack of security and if I was thinking clearly, which I wasn't, I'd know that Heero wasn't going to be inside. There was no fucking way. And as I nodded to Wufei, as I raised my weapon, I opened the door, the metal creaking, damn rusty and we entered into a dully lit metal box.

It was then I figured a few fucking things. The noises, those moans of pain, that damn awful sound were not  _here_  as the noise was wrong and I figured it out. It was too echoey. A damn recording. And as my eyes met the single person in the room, his head covered, I was sure it wasn't Heero and this was all some trick, all some diversion. All some way for us to lose fucking time. But I still had to  _know._

I still checked, still walked across the metal floor, my boots making a loud din with each step, and I approached the chair, the man in it, bound, a black hood hiding his face. I knew it wasn't 'Ro but I had to confirm, had to see it as clear as I damn well could with my own blue eyes so I grabbed the hood, pulling it off to see a man who had an almost… approximation of Heero's looks. Skin tone, blue eyes, dark hair but it wasn't him.

"Where is he?" I said, my hands on the guys shoulders, shaking him.

The chair underneath him was one like 'Ro had been strapped to, his hands pinned behind his back and the guy had suffered a beating though nothing like the torture I'd seen Heero endure. Nothing like the nail gun in his abdomen. Nothing like the drugs that I guessed had been used to subdue him, make him drowsy and confused. And fuck the guy looked wide eyed and scared as I shook him, as I grabbed at his bare shoulders.

"Tell me what you fuckin' know!"

The guy only looked at me, wide-eyed, his mouth open and I brought out my gun, pressing the barrel to his temple. "Tell me what the fuck you know or your goddamn brains will end up staining this little box, you hear me?"

"Maxwell!" Wufei grabbed at me and I turned, my fist raised and I connected, the rage and anger I felt finally bursting through and fuck, it was a harder punch than I intended, Wufei's head snapped to the side and he didn't retaliate, only stepped back.

"You want me to ask nicely?" I asked, my voice strained as I turned to him, the gun still pointed at the man's head.

"I think threatening to kill someone makes them less willing to talk."

I glared at him. "You said you  _agreed_ , 'Fei, you damn well knew we'd have to do things that weren't legit."

"You don't have to become like Roth to get information." He returned my glare with one of his own. Impassive, unmoving, his dark eyes shining in the limited light. "I want no part of it," he said and he started to walk out, "not like this."

"Fine!" I shouted, my voice echoing around the container, over the sounds of Heero's fucking torture and I heard my tone. Desperate. Strained. Fuck, not even  _me,_  you know? "I'll get Heero back by my own damn self!"

It sounded childish and damn petulant as I watched him leave, turning my attention back towards the man.

"Now you and me… we're gonna have a little chat."

He flinched as I turned towards him, the look on his face suggesting he knew that I was not a nice person and fuck, I smiled my old Shinigami smile, the one I'd not done since L2 and brought out one of the nice shiny new blades Trowa had brought for me. One thing I hadda say about Trowa even though we'd never truly seen eye to eye. The guy knew his weapons. Fuck did he. The blade was a thing of beauty.

"I don't know…" he began and his English was good but accented so I figured one of Roth's men.

"You don't know what?"

I brought the blade out in front of his face, showing him the sharpness in the low light, and I wondered what Heero had been threatened with. Whether they'd even tried intimidation or just gone straight for damn well beating him. Hey, I was being nicer – a few threats, verbally or physically as the guy was shaken enough. I dragged the blade across his face, not cutting but his eyes widened, his throat bobbed, and I figured he was either a damn fine actor or he was innocent.

"…anything…"

I dragged the knife to his throat, where his Adam's apple bobbed, and I got real damn close, our eyes level. His blue were not as bright as 'Ro's but the fact that Roth had left someone that had the vague look of him… well that was just damn creepy.

"Where is Heero Yuy?"

"I… don't know," he said, slowly, clearly. "I don't even know who he is!"

"Seriously? Then let me ask you another question… where's Roth?"

His eyes flickered then and it gave something away and I pressed the blade in deeper, not quite breaking the skin but it was a close call.

"You work for Roth, right?"

He exhaled out a short "yes" and I moved the blade back, flicking it in my hand in some show of intimidation as I walked around him to where his hands were bound.

"So tell me why the fuck he wanted me here? This a trap?"

"I don't know!" he shouted and his voice echoed around as I came behind him, grabbing for a finger, and I pushed back on it, bending it in a way that it was not meant to be bent.

"The man that Roth has is the man I damn love. And right now, he is being fucking tortured and so I will do what is happening to him to  _you._ "

He whimpered pathetically as finally, I'd bent too far and the soft "pop" of the finger breaking was heard, and fuck, I could do a lot worse. Maybe it was better Wufei left. Maybe I didn't want anyone to see me like this – what I would become for the ones I loved. As shit, right now Duo had left the building and the guy was left with Shinigami. Fuck if anyone wanted to be left with him.

"I don't know anything! I was told to set this place up… set the recording going… I was with someone else…"

"Someone else was here?" I interrupted and suddenly my mouth went dry as I walked back around to his front, pointing the blade in his direction.

"There was! We'd set everything up… and then I had a hand around my mouth and then I woke up like… like you found me."

I listened, saw the flickering of his eyes, saw the fear and confusion, the pain he damn well felt and I threw the knife – not the most sensible thing – and it made a loud clatter as it hit the sides and I felt a frustration as this was all just a waste of damn time. This guy… this guy had nothing. I could torture him for hours, do all the shit they'd done to 'Ro, nail gun and all, but he was just some patsy and fuck, I was not going to get anything outta him but the whimpering. I walked over to where the tape played, the sound of Heero's voice and grabbed the memory card from the player, sliding it in the back of my jeans and then I grabbed for my knife, looking back once to the guy in the chair before I made my exit.

"Hey! You need to untie me!"

"One of Roth's guys can do that… not me, buddy."

He rocked the chair impatiently as I left and for one moment I thought about doing the decent thing as he'd been tricked by Roth just as I had. But instead, I saw the fear in his wide eyes as I closed the door back on him.

I took a deep breath, looked up at the night sky and for one moment I let myself feel damn hopeless but then the cloud covering the moon had kinda disappeared and I could see it. And fuck, I wondered where he was, where Heero was as I'd done all those years ago and I had to believe. Yeah, Roth had tricked us, Roth had used us and damn wasted our time but I was not giving up. I was a stubborn motherfucker and I would win.

Now I just had to find 'Fei, tell him I hadn't done the damn worst thing, hope that he'd not abandoned me and hope that he realised I wasn't completely lost. That I wasn't a damn monster. As shit, he'd seen so damn much and stood by me. I needed his help. I needed… fuck I needed something.

So I walked back through the containers, the caution I'd used to get to the damn dead end not used as fuck, if there was someone gonna try and get me, they could try. My mood was pretty murderous and if anyone attacked me, one of Roth's men, I'd kill them with my bare hands.

It was then I heard something, quiet, someone who walked like me and I expected 'Fei, his soft footfalls, the way his strides were controlled, measured. But then I felt it. The small pinprick on my neck and I turned quickly behind me to see a shadow, something I barely saw in a flash and I lifted my hand to the point where pain radiated out and the first thing I thought was a list of long swear words that I couldn't articulate as I fell to my knees.

This was what I expected, Roth had always been an asshole and this was him all over as I felt a weird sensation in my body, as I felt a shortness of breath and yeah, this was a goddamn trap and I wondered as I felt my body fall to the hard concrete, if this was what had taken down Heero. It was as I was starting to lost consciousness that I sensed someone above me and I was kicked, hard onto my back. My eyes flickered open to see a guy in shadows and I ignored him in favour of looking one more time at the moon bright in the night sky.

And fuck, I thought about Heero, about where he was and how we were both damn doomed now as my eyes closed and I found myself drifting into weightlessness thinking of how I wished I could get my hands on Roth and how I never would.

 


	16. Tear You to Pieces and Rip You Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Night of the Hunter - 30 Seconds to Mars

A situation that has happened way too many times in my fucking life is being captured. I mean, shit, it had happened after the church, during the wars and a few times undercover. And I hated it, the feeling of weakness, helplessness and coming 'round from whatever the drug was that had been shot into me, I felt blurry and sick too and I fucking hated that. But having had this happen to me way too many times, hell, I knew a few tricks and I was quick to listen, feel, sense as I came around.

First I was laid down on something cold. Figured a metal gurney or something similar. And I was strapped down, leather around my wrists and I guessed my ankles. I could feel it around my wrists as it was directly on my skin but least I still was clothed as I could feel the restraints tight around my jeans. That was a reassuring thing. Being stripped was a humiliating power trip thing and like fuck did I want that to happen. So I took it as one good thing outta this shitty situation.

I figured I woulda looked a lot like one of mine and Heero's first encounters, when he was strapped to that table in my rescue and it made something in me feel even more sick and that was not because of whatever the fuck they had given me. I listened before I opened my eyes, keeping my breathing and heart rate as low as possible to imitate being unconscious. While I was not as awesome as Heero in many ways, I still knew a trick or two and as I wasn't hooked up to anything. That I could tell as there was no sound of the 'beep beeps' of my heart. So I just needed to look as though I was still unconscious and give no signs – which I was doing. So I listened, strained my ears to figure out a bit about my location, there was the sound of water dripping somewhere and the sound of a muffled old radio but that was about it. I risked opening my eyes, cracking them open slightly to see a strip light with only one panel working and the rest depressingly dark. The ceiling looked like any "official" building tiles – the sort you see in hospitals, office blocks and schools. I wondered if I was in a damn hospital, knowing Roth's use of the old one on L2 but I couldn't tell much as I strained my head up to see I was in a white washed room that could be anything – the only contents me and the gurney underneath me.

So this wasn't a good situation, I figured, as damn, I was pretty vulnerable and my head was hammering and shit, I started to try and get outta my cuffs but they were tight and I felt weak. Damn, I hated Roth's chemical shit.

It seemed my attempt at movement was seen by someone as I heard the sound of footsteps in a hollow corridor. It was then I looked up and saw the camera, the small red light of it in the corner of the room and I knew I'd been watched. The thought was creepy but then Roth was a creepy evil motherfucker. He was capable of anything. I tried to make some wiggle room in my cuffs, moving my hands but shit I was not Heero as I remembered him and his bloody hand all that damn time ago. Shit, I didn't have his super strength and like fuck could I do that. But I knew I had no time, no means of escape but like hell was I going to lie down and die. I'd never given up and now was not the time I was gonna start.

It did nothing, of course it damn well did nothing and soon the door was opened and I turned my head, looking towards it as the man who hated me as much as I hated him walked in, looking up and down at my body and I tried to look defiant, I tried to look like I was fucking challenging him and that I was not gonna just take whatever he wanted to do to me but I was in a shitty position for that. Strapped down, helpless, drugged… but still if he got too close I could spit, I could bite and fuck, I would do  _something_  as this was the man who had killed Solo and the street kids I knew. This was the man who'd injected me with a fucking virus and locked me in a medical supply closet. This was the man who fucking destroyed the life me and 'Ro had  _earned,_ that we'd built – our home, my garage, slow sex on a Sunday morning and cooking steak and shit… I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat. As he'd taken everything away from me once and he was trying to do it again.

"Where's Heero?" I ground out as he approached the side of the gurney, his walk slow and purposeful – toying with me again. Toying with me like he always had.

"No hello, Maxwell? No how are we? No pleasantries?"

His voice was lilting, that slight British accent like I remembered and as he stepped to the side I glared up at him through my bangs, baring my damn teeth like some kinda animal. I jerked myself off the table, rocking it a little with the violence of my movement and he laughed softly and it made me more angry.

"I will fuckin' kill you… I swear."

"Funny to make the threats considering you're the one strapped to a table without any back up, without any weapons or any hope."

His words were said so damn lazily as if we were talking about the weather or something and I had nothing to say so I attempted to spit at him, which wasn't a great action but one that made me feel better. Hey it seemed to miss but fuck, I wanted to show him I wasn't scared and I never would be.

"You want to know where your beloved Heero is?" he said, playing with the cuff of his jacket idly. "Why do you think he's still alive?"

Those words knocked some of my damn self-confidence. As shit, he said it so coolly, so casually, that maybe he was and all this… all this was lies and trickery.

"Because I  _know."_

"Sweet… That you  _know._ But I'll tell you something, Mr. Maxwell, I didn't  _know_ when you were there with my daughter… I didn't  _know_  you were shooting her, that she was scared and that she was dying. I didn't  _know_  any of that so what makes you so sure that Heero Yuy is not already dead? His broken bleeding body dumped?"

"You said if I came… you gave me 72 hours…"

"And you think I play fair?"

I closed my eyes, shook my head, knew he was playing mind games as Heero wasn't dead, fuck, he couldn't be and this was  _his_ damn torture. He knew Heero was my weakness. My biggest fucking weakness. And he was gonna use it.

"No, I don't. But I think you know he has some value alive. You're a smart guy."

"Ahh a compliment," he said and his hand ran along the side of the metal and I felt the brush of his finger on my side and I jerked away as best as I could. I did not want him to fucking touch me. "Yes… he has some uses…unfortunately a lot more than you."

"So you gonna kill me and let him go?"

He laughed, harsh and cold and suddenly his face was at my level so damn close that I could smell stale coffee and whatever the fuck he'd had for lunch.

"I'm going to kill you, of course I am, but Heero was never going to be let go. As you said… he has value."

I lunged for him, digging my hands in the restraints, trying to get to him, trying to do something to the asshole, an attempt to damn head butt him but fuck if it worked. And he backed off, laughing and I made a noise deep in my throat that sounded less like a man and more like a goddamn animal.

"But first… I found out so much about you over the years. Those personnel files should've been made more secure… I'd say for you to mention that to your superiors but then as you are not leaving here it is irrelevant is it not?"

I growled. "Fuck you."

"So eloquent… but one thing I found out was this…" he said and he reached his hand to touch my chest and I bucked up to dislodge the fingers but fuck I was helpless. "This pacemaker. It intrigues me… did the Preventers pay for it or Winner?"

"I don't know," I said through gritted teeth and he then produced a knife and my eyes widened.

The blade was a work of art and I remembered my own torturing of his man and I swallowed as he pressed the point of the blade into my cheek, an impression left behind in its wake and I'm sure I felt a rivulet of blood. I didn't react, tried not to as he ran the knife down my jaw, down my throat and finally to the collar of my t-shirt. He pulled on it with the knife and sliced the material in one quick stroke, exposing my chest and the scar, I moved my head to look as he traced the point of my knife against my scar.

"You gonna toy with me or kill me? I'm getting fuckin' bored here."

He glanced up and smiled and maybe I should've just not said anything as fuck me, it was an unsettling look. He was enjoying this and I knew that at times, yeah, I let the darker side of me out, I did shit I regretted and maybe I even smiled when I did but fuck seeing this side was scary shit.

Roth ignored me and put the knife away before he brought something small out of his damn pocket, something I didn't fucking know what it was, and then he moved his hand nearer to my chest with it and I felt a quick pull in my chest as my heart skipped a fucking beat.

I choked. I felt a damn squeeze. Ba dum. Ba dum. My heart rate increased and then there was searing pain as he placed whatever the fuck it was on my chest.

Shit, there was no shame in the noise I made as my heart constricted in my chest, as the breath went outta my lungs due to the pain radiating from the centre of my body. It felt like I was having another heart attack, it felt like shooting pains and I was damned screaming in agony. Fuck, I'd never felt  _this._  The rattling of my heart in my ribcage. The feeling of my chest being on fire. The pacemaker not fucking working.

My head lolled back to the ceiling and he removed the device, the pain easing and I felt the pacemaker seem to work again and I heard his laugh again, that fucking laugh.

"I was curious when I read about the pacemaker as I once read that you could stop one from working by using a powerful magnet and I admit, I've always wanted to try it out."

"You….enjoy…. your….experiment?" I wheezed.

"Oh yes… Maxwell, but I feel like I need much more time doing this… after all, you killed my only daughter."

"You killed her!" I spat out, my voice raw. "You sent her there…she was the one who had a crazy fucking idea of making you proud…you're as responsible as me even if you didn't pull the trigger."

There was a hit across my face for that and the magnet was back against my chest. His face was close again, his breath on my cheek but I could barely concentrate on that as the pain became too fucking much, as he spoke against my skin.

"You  _killed_ her and I will leave you here to die slowly like you deserve."

The pain was unbearable this time, I could barely fucking breathe, my hands in fists at my side and I was choking and screaming and my throat was goddamn raw and hell, if this was fucking dying then maybe it was what I deserved. I'd killed so many people and this pain… I didn't deserve to go out in the middle of the night in my bed, in the arms of a lover, I deserved this shit, the pain, the pain of everything I'd done but suddenly, it was gone and I thought shit… maybe I'm dead.

Maybe this is death. Just feeling nothing as all I felt was tingles under my skin as my body reacted to all that damn stimulation but I realised, perhaps, no it wasn't as there was a knife now against my chest, carving a small line that felt like a burn on my over-sensitive skin.

"I have to leave you, I'm afraid but I hope you enjoy your last few moments…"

It was then the knife dragged down my chest, to my abs and suddenly I felt the blade slice into my skin and I winced at the searing heat of my skin and muscle and whatever else was split apart. I felt the blood start to flow as he pulled the knife back out.

"Just kill me…" I said, as I felt the weakness of a sharp jolt of pain.

"You don't deserve just death," he said, "and neither does Heero. You'll die slowly, here…"

"What will… you do to… Heero?" I panted.

"Make a point. You shouldn't have trusted my word, Duo Maxwell. You killed my daughter. You went into hiding and I found a way to draw you out… and you came out of that little hole you crawled into and now… and now I get revenge," he said his voice low, steady, full of malice. "But I will enjoy my last bit of torture on Heero Yuy… telling him you are dead."

"You motherfucking bastard!"

I tried to move but there was nothing I could do and I felt damn weak and he was starting to walk the fuck away. As I knew… shit, I knew that would be the one way to break him. As much as it broke me.

"Enjoy your last few hours, I imagine it will take you awhile to bleed out but then the rats might help… this is an old building and I know there will be plenty around. They'll start to appear when they smell the scent of blood."

I shuddered involuntarily at the words. The idea of rats… rat crawling over my body and biting… fuck it was not pleasant and he clocked my shiver and smiled as he looked at me, his eyes scanning from my boots to my hair.

"One day you are going to die," I said and I put all the venom I fucking could in my voice, all my anger and all my hatred. "You are going to die and someone will rip you to pieces and fuck, I hope I get outta here and it's me."

"Ohh threats?" I saw his eyebrow shoot up and I met his eyes with a fierce glare that rivalled 'Ro's. "As much as I'd love to discuss the ways in which you think you can get out of this situation and the ways in which you can "hurt" me, I have more important business to attend to. Like your boyfriend."

At those words he walked through the open door, not bothering to close it behind him.

"I will fuckin' kill you, Roth! I will fuckin' kill you!"

The shouts were pointless but I did it, screaming the words over and over again, the words echoing around the room even when the sound of his footsteps were gone, even when the sound of his laugh echoing down the corridor was gone. I gave up only once I couldn't scream it anymore, my body sagging onto harsh metal and I looked down to where I bled steadily, to my bound hands and legs and looked up to those broken strip lights above me.

I knew I had nothing – that this was the end, worse than that goddamn medical supply closet and I was in pain and I was bleeding out and shit, I heard the little tip tap of feet on metal and figured the rats had been attracted by the scent of my blood. And yet I couldn't damn give up as Heero needed saving, as Roth needed killing and I started a mantra in my head, that I would get out, that I would get Heero, that I would survive as I was Duo fucking Maxwell. I survived any and all shit. I was fucking invincible. And I told myself it. Over and over again. Feeling progressively weaker, hearing the scuttling of rats and then finally feeling one brave enough to climb onto my leg, me having enough movement to dislodge it to the floor.

I was not giving up, shit, I wasn't but I was weak, so fucking weak and even as I told myself I'd survive – it was gonna me and the cockroaches after the apocalypse like I'd said to myself – I knew I was dying alone, strapped to a goddamn table in fucking pain. Yet the pain started to fade a little, everything became a little more hazy and I knew I was losing consciousness, that my body was giving up and I felt a smile on my face.

"Finally time to meet my maker, I guess."

My voice sounded strained from my cries of pain and my shouts but it felt better to say it out loud. I didn't know what the fuck I believed – I didn't believe in heaven and hell, not in some afterlife and it was not comforting not to believe, you know? I thought about the church and I thought about Father Maxwell teaching me shit and I wished… I wished I believed as damn, thinking I'd end up somewhere better woulda been a nicer thought than the stark reality of me being a goner.

"I wish you were here…" I said as my eyes closed, "Heero… I wanted to save you… now all I want is…"

The words faltered as all I wanted was his arms, his body, his scent, his kiss and I wanted him to know I loved him, that I fucking loved him more than I ever loved anything and that I didn't want to leave him. But I had nothing left. I felt something on my leg, I felt some sharp pains as something bit down and a soft curse left my lips.

I was fucked and I was dying and this was it.

Shinigami's last bow.

And all I wanted was to see his blue eyes again but all I could do was remember a better time, a better place, as I slipped into darkness.

 


	17. Unleash Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song - A Tale of Outer Suburbia - Hands Like Houses

I thought this time it was it, you know? The end, my life over, the Reaper walking over with his ol' scythe and taking me away. Or whatever the fuck happened. And yeah, I'd been at this point so many damn times before. Too many fucking times. But this time, it was pretty hopeless. I'd been bleeding out, there had been damn rats crawling on my body and fuck, none of this was pleasant. It was worse than the cell with 'Fei and beginning to lose consciousness as the air ran out. It was worse than when I'd been injected with the goddamn virus and sat in that medical closet. And fuck, it was a ton worse than when Zee shot me. As this time, there was nothing anyone could do, no one knew where the hell I was, fuck if I knew and I was helpless and prepared to die.

But I didn't and when I came to a little, only enough to open my eyes to slits and sense that my body was being moved, I wondered who had come and saved my ass and who had managed to find me. Or how. But I didn't stay conscious enough for long, drifting back into sleep or blackness or whatever the fuck.

The thing was, I was ready for it to be the end this time as I'd done so much and everyone around me had died and I'd failed and I'd never see Heero again so I guess… I'd finally given up hope. Finally just decided that it was my time to step out, to not fight anymore, no more violence and no more pain and no more seeing people hurt because of me. But it wasn't my damn time, guess it never would be, as it was like I always figured, the end of the time it'll be me and the motherfucking cockroaches and no one else.

When I actually opened my eyes, looked up, I realised I was in the back of a car of some kind and my head was laid on something squishy. It became apparent that the squishy something was warm and my eyes, blurry and fogged, could make out the person whose lap who I was laid on, seeing the blond hair haloed in the light and I must've made a noise as I felt a reassuring hand.

"Duo?"

The voice sounded blurry but I damn well knew it was Quat and I made a noise, a little grunt and I moved the slightest amount, feeling the pull of my stomach muscles and I could feel stitches. Least I was no longer bleeding. Though I felt hella weak. I felt a hand run through my hair or something and my eyes fluttered closed again as shit, I could not stay awake, and then I was out again. But that time it felt better as I knew, knew then who had taken me away from that damn shithole and I knew maybe there was a damn chance of finding 'Ro even if it was slim. I didn't let myself think about time or if he could already be dead or how long I'd been out as I let myself drift again.

The time I actually came 'round properly was different as there was no movement then, no rocking motion, no sound of an engine and no squishy body underneath me. Though it was a bed I was in and the room was reassuringly dark and as I opened my eyes, I clocked a few things. A plain ass motel. Cheap covers. Shitty picture of an abstract landscape on the wall. And Wufei asleep on a chair in the corner and Quat asleep in a bed and it was Trowa who was sat at the table, a laptop screen illuminating his profile and he turned, our eyes meeting and he got up, as quietly as he could, which was pretty damn quiet and walked over, his movement so damn silent but waking 'Fei nonetheless. Which woke Quatre. Which meant we were all damn awake.

"Someone gonna fill me in?" I asked, my throat raw as Trowa came over to the bed, lifting up the covers and I would've made a smart ass comment about looking at my body and being a pervert or something if not for the damn fact I felt too weak for my usual quick wit.

Trowa didn't say nothing, instead a hand clinically went to my abs and where the knife had entered my skin, moving aside a bandage to check the stitches. I raised my head a little to see the wound, the room becoming all spinny in the process and I laid my head back down like a sensible person and let Trowa do whatever he needed. I felt the pull of the bandage being removed, the surgical tape pulling away some hair with it and I didn't wince at that as he then went for a med kit, quickly working to reapply a bandage. No one spoke as Trowa worked and hell, I didn't have the energy to do anything.

"How do the bites feel?"

This made me raise my head and I looked to see a few little bite marks of the not to fun kind on my chest, my arms… the little fuckers.

"I'm guessing you gave me some epic painkillers as I don't feel 'em."

"Enough to take down an elephant," Wufei said as he walked over and I gave him a slight smile. "And you've had a rabies shot. So don't worry."

"Who's worrying? I ain't dead… and we're got a chance to get 'Ro so…"

This was when I tried to do something stupid but I guess they anticipated me as the moment I tried to move my ass outta the bed, was the moment I was being pushed back down to the bed by a firm hand.

"No, Duo, you need rest," Quat said and I turned to see his stern blue eyes and I knew he was right as fuck, I'd lost blood and I'd been bitten to shit by nasty little creatures and I was damned tired and achy and sick… but I felt more sick as I knew Roth still had Heero.

"He has Heero," I said, the desperation in my voice audible. Or maybe it was desperation. It was pleading, begging and it sounded fucking pathetic.

"And right now we don't know where he is. We are not running blindly in the dark any longer, we need something more concrete and know Roth isn't playing with us before we act this time."

Wufei spoke so calmly, so reassuringly that it soothed me a little, made me forget that Roth threatened Heero's life as I felt… oh shit, I still felt that he wasn't dead. Stupidly, naively, and somewhat hopefully, I figured Heero was still alive. As he was a stubborn shit – he could jump out of high rise buildings, he could survive self-detonation and you could shoot him how many damn times you wanted but he'd keep coming back. So my theory was not without merit. And Roth had said something… he had use. Use. Use for what I didn't know but use suggested he wouldn't do something dumb as fuck as kill him yet. I laid back, relaxed a little, giving up a little. Some of fire and stupid ass determined cooled. For a little while.

"You gonna fill me in?"

"I went back to the shipping container after… after my anger died down," Wufei said, his eyes downcast, "maybe I didn't agree with your methods but I understood your actions. I have done things in my rage I regretted."

I nodded as I guessed this was a Wufei apology. I accepted it as I didn't blame him for walking away and I certainly didn't blame him for what Roth did to me.

"Your phone," he continued, "it was on you when they took you away. I called Quatre and Trowa to use Winner Corp technology to triangulate the signal. And we found you."

"I guess Roth was long gone?"

"No sign. Only you bleeding and the rats…" His voice died away and I guessed it had been a pretty grim scene. "We thought you might be already dead."

"Not that easy to kill me, right?" I chuckled but it was weak and dead. Only Quatre managed a little half-hearted encouraging smile.

"No but you need rest before… before you go after Roth," Quatre murmured and Trowa gave him a sharp look that spoke volumes. It was like that couple thing, that couple thing that stuff was communicated without saying something. And Trowa must be the king of that kinda thing as fuck, I never was really sure if Trowa said a whole ton but maybe that was just because we weren't tight but I saw the whole silent communication shit and Quatre sighed exasperatedly as though they'd had this conversation before. "Trowa… if it was you. If it was me."

Trowa nodded but didn't look happy, walking away to sit by the laptop again, his obvious irritation at his partner evident in his body language and the way he sat down with an exhale of frustration. Huh. He so didn't need to say shit for his opinion and mood to be obvious.

The room went pretty silent after that and I closed my eyes, suddenly exhausted again, hating that my body was damn weak again. As this always seemed to fucking happen. For once, I wanted to be Heero, genetically altered and easy to recover. As it was, I was damn tired. And trying not to think too much about the situation Heero was in as there was nothing I could do right now.

I don't know how long they let me fucking sleep for – too long or not enough. I dreamt, disturbed dreams of rats crawling over me and crawling over Heero and shit I did not need to think of. I dreamt of a lot of scary shit, rooms filled with blood and 'Ro dying and fuck, it was a damn relief to be woken up the sound of raised voices, by an argument that the three of them were having as fuck, I didn't need to replay the shit that my subconscious had created for me one more time.

"…no, we don't show him… he's too weak and stubborn…"

That was Q's voice, all tinny and weird and odd but full of his usual concern. I tried to remember how to make words as I pulled myself 'round but decided to just damn listen.

"He will kill us all if we don't…" Wufei said and I heard a little amused grunt from Trowa. It was a joke, or maybe it wasn't a joke , but if it was one, it was pretty damn grim.

But then I figured whatever they were talking about was grim so I let my eyes open, seeing the room was bright, and then I felt like closing them again. As fuck, I had a headache and dry mouth anyway.

"You said you'd do whatever if it was me," Trowa murmured, his voice quiet and level, the only one who seemed rational.

There was a loud exhale from Quatre. "Yes but I thought we'd have more time. Duo would have time to heal. He was tortured, he needs time before he attempts some crazy rescue."

"We won't be able to stop him," Wufei said, a slight snort, "I've tried in the past. Unless we drug him and leave him here."

The conversation paused and I opened my eyes again to see them stood at the foot of the bed, looking at each other solemnly, I could see Wufei with his hands folded across his chest, I could see Trowa hands in his pockets, I saw Quatre huff in frustration and run fingers through his blond hair.

"Don't tell me either of you are actually thinking that's an option?"

"It would work," Trowa replied, a neutral tone to his voice and this was when I was sick of doing the whole "I'm not listening thing" and spoke up.

"I can hear you all, you know."

The looks on their faces amused the hell outta me as they looked shocked at having their little chat being disturbed. Quatre looked a little apologetic but neither Wufei or Trowa did. Which I guess was to be damn expected.

I sat up, feeling the stitches, the scratches and bites, every inch of my body aching in a deep bone weary way but still, I was not gonna be laid down and I swung my legs over the side of the bed, getting to my feet, unsteadily, but to my feet. I didn't want the lower ground. Didn't want to be looking up at them. But hell, fighting back with dignity was difficult when all I was wearing was boxers and bandages but still, I folded my arms across my chest, which hurt, and then glared in their direction.

"What's goin' on?"

They looked at one another as though electing who was going to tell me. It was funny to me as I hardly weigh shit when soaking wet, there's three of them, I'm injured and they all don't wanna piss me off. Hey, I didn't even have a knife or a weapon. I must've looked a damn mess, I didn't even wanna know how my hair looked and I'd barely looked down to see the wounds on my body but shit, I've never in my life felt like less Shinigami and more like an ordinary damn person. And they were still a little scared of me. I woulda laughed if it wasn't such a serious situation.

Quatre, of course, cutie Q, stepped forward and I tried to be defiant, tried to not look as though I was going to fall down and crash to the floor in a heap as that was how I felt and I gave him a searching glance. Okay, he didn't look as "put together" as Quat usually did and I guess they all had some stressful few days but shit, they'd not been stabbed, not had their pacemaker disrupted, not had all this damn shit… so I was less sympathetic for him having a few dark circles.

"Roth…" he began then stalled, looked behind him for back up and when he saw he was getting none he plowed ahead. I gave a little smirk at his awkwardness for effect. "He… made a threat."

"To me? We still have my cell?"

"No…" he said and his eyes evaded mine and he sighed, walking over to the television screen in the room, an old damn TV with a large back that I ain't seen since L2. As L2 got the crappola of the universe thrust upon it and people made the best of it so I hadn't seen something as shitty for so fucking long.

And Quatre turned it on and it turned on automatically to a news station with a rolling twenty four hour broadcast of bullshit. I tended not to watch rolling news as fuck, the world was bleak enough already without spending time watching the same story told a million different ways and shown from a million different angles. So shit, my eyes adjusted to the new light source and they narrowed as I saw the banner slide across the bottom of the screen.

Though I guess I didn't need to see the banner. As the image in the corner of the screen was static with a new reporter saying something while dressed in a sharp suit but I didn't pay attention, walking towards the screen, my feet unconsciously dragging me there. It was Heero. Heero, his head bowed, on his knees, at least dressed but cuffed and obviously not looking in the best of health. And I read the banner across the screen.

PREVENTER UNWILLING TO CONFIRM IDENTITY OF MAN. CLAIMED TO BE GUNDAM PILOT 01.

I turned to see three very solemn faces. "Explain," I said, short, abrupt. Damn like 'Ro as I wanted the story from them not some cheesy ass looking overly tanned old dude in a suit on a bad news network.

"Roth made a broadcast an hour ago. He showed Heero – claimed he was a Gundam pilot and threatened to kill him live and then he started to rant about how he would let him live if the ESUN made a deal with him and gave him back L2."

Wufei's summary was concise and I felt my hand start to shake. Roth was deranged. He had never had L2. He thought he had – filled it with drugs, made money off the damn poor but it had never belonged to him, the arrogant fucker. L2 had spirit and L2 would never be owned by anyone. Maybe Zee's death had made him fucking crazy and I did not give a shit. L2 people were survivors and this survivor would get revenge.

"Can I see the video?"

Trowa nodded, walking over to the laptop and pulling it up on some video sharing website. It had been viewed millions of fucking times, thousands of comments underneath it as people debated the validity of Roth's statement and the possibility that Heero had been pilot 01. And fuck, I wish I hadn't glanced down as people said shit about him looking weak, about him looking like he couldn't possibly be someone who fought in the war, that he looked too young or whatever. I almost shook with rage as I realised that yeah, the truth was, we were too young to be fighting but damn, we had and I hated people doubting that. But I guess it was something stupid to get pissed at as Trowa pressed play.

It wasn't Roth I focused on, his smug satisfied grin, the asshole, but it was Heero who was kneeling, who's eyes briefly looked up to meet the camera, bright blue and this time they were not in some darkened room, but they were outside, some rooftop I figured as there was a darkening sky behind him and I took that in rather than focused on the assholes words. When it stopped, I swallowed and turned to see them staring at me and I guessed they were waiting for some kinda explosion but I had nothing but a silent burning anger building in my gut. It wasn't a rage that I'd spin outta control and start shouting or something, it was different. I was calm. And me calm? Hell, that was fuck ton worse than me being in a rage. As shit, I thought of all the things I wanted to do Roth, of the ways I'd hurt him, of all the things I'd do to get my revenge and it felt good. It made me feel better.

"He's in Brussels," I said, my voice calm, level, deadly. "We're gonna damn get him back."

I got up, walked towards the bed and before I heard anything else, I turned. "Tell me, I have some clothes?"

"Duo…" was the only word I let Quatre get out.

"No, that skyline was Brussels and I'm going even if I have to walk outta here butt naked and get Heero back before that motherfucker kills him. Are you guys with me or not?"

Wufei stepped forward and I jerked my fist back instinctively as though to hit him when his hand lightly rested on my shoulder. "With you," he said, and then he smirked slightly, "though you don't have to do it butt naked."

The dry sarcasm made me smirk and I nodded.

"Then let's go get Heero back."

 


	18. Gravemakers and Gunslingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Gravemakers and Gunslingers - Coheed and Cambria

Of course, it was motherfucking Brussels. And, of course, the goddamn Preventers knew that too. It was too damn obvious and I only knew from the brief video as I'd stood on that particular rooftop far too many times. It was the hospital that 'Lena had made Heero stay in after his whole hero shit and I knew that as I'd stood on that roof far too many times, looking at that view. I'd wanted to be there at that hospital, you know? I'd wanted to be close but I was too messed up. Too conflicted and I didn't know how I was supposed to act around him. If we were something. If it was all war-time hormones and shit, I wasn't going to be rejected so instead, I'd spent time on the damn flat roof, watching the world underneath, watching the world rebuild, the cranes and trucks rebuilding city.

I'd smoked and watched and worked it out. And what I'd worked out was the wrong fucking thing as I'd walked into his room, pushed him away in some fit of protecting myself and made my exit outta his life for far too long. I wondered now, as we were trying to get him back from a crazy ass sociopath if none of this shit would've ever happened if I'd been honest and not so messed up after the war.

If instead of pushing him away like I did, I coulda seen him in that hospital bed looking fragile and just gone to him, kissed him hard, fucked around with him in the inappropriate location and made it so we stayed together. Maybe then neither of us would've gone undercover as sure as shit, I wouldn't have as I wouldn't have had the loneliness to fill – the empty thing in my chest and I wouldn't have needed those undercover ops sleeping on cold warehouse floors and shitty ratty apartments if I'd just stayed with Heero.

And L2 wouldn't have happened. 'Ro wouldn't have shot Zee and sure as fuck, Roth wouldn't be trying to kill him to make some fucking point so I knew it was all my fault. That every damn time, it was me, my fuck ups, my mistakes, my blatant disregard for doing anything sensible that had ended up with Heero's life being threatened. Always fucking hurting the ones I loved.

I chewed my nails, shit I rarely did as I usually smoked when I was nervous but I didn't have smokes as even though Wufei had my go-bag, I'd run outta cigarettes and plus, I was being a gentleman. I didn't think 'Fei would appreciate me blowing smoke in his face. Body is a temple and all that bullshit. And confined space, Wufei driving us to the destination, to the old hospital and I grimaced. Shit, what was it with Roth and hospitals?

Maybe, I guess, because this one was closed too, going through renovations, as it had been damaged during the war but 'Ro had been there as it was still operational and he'd been wounded and needed damn treating as soon as damn possible. So now, years later, it was still closed, money being used for other projects, a new fancy ass state of the art place built across the city and the old one left to be renovated "one day". I'd read this shit on a tablet, looked at the schematics of the building with Wufei and we'd realised it was gonna be difficult to get in.

It was gonna be damn difficult to get in as the video had been shown on every screen around the earth sphere and not only were the Preventers there but a hoard of camera crews and news networks and just general people. There was a cordon and that was going to keep us out too.

Or maybe it wasn't. But our option was so fucking unpleasant. There was one way we could get past the cordon without being seen and I still hated the conversation we'd had in the hotel room with the laptop and multiple tablets open.

"The sewers," Trowa had said blandly and I'd glared at him through my bangs.

"You are shitting me?"

"Literally," he'd answered back, completely fucking deadpan.

"How?" 'Fei had asked.

Quatre then had pointed out something – that there was a way of getting into the courtyard where the emergency vehicles were stationed and we could pop open the manhole cover and sneak into the building, only the distance of a few metres to cover. And if we were seen, there was shit all the Preventers could do as they were not gonna attempt to enter the building as Roth was being his usual bastard self.

If an attempt was made by the Preventer to enter the building, he was threatening to blow the place to kingdom come and unleash some biological weapon into the air so they wouldn't try and get to us. And hopefully if Roth saw us, he'd see me and he'd want to welcome me with open arms. Or really try and damn finish me off.

"We're here," Wufei said as he pulled up the car on a side street and I nodded gravely.

It was only me and 'Fei. Shit, we couldn't bring Quatre – multi-billionaire and Trowa sure as shit doesn't leave his side unless there was adequate security so it left me and 'Fei. Least we had some ops gear, the black and Kevlar as he got out of the vehicle. I slung a gun over my shoulder, checked the handgun clipped to my waist and then the knife and I was armed with enough shit. Hey, I still wanted to goddamn strangle the guy. A knife or gun was seriously not necessary.

Cities like Brussels had vast underground sewer systems and we'd get lost without some kinda map so Wufei had it on his tablet as we walked towards the entrance, pulling up the cover and I looked down, wrinkling my nose for effect. I couldn't  _exactly_ smell anything yet but I didn't like the idea.

"After you," I offered, "you got the directions and all."

Wufei only gave me a half-hearted glare and hopped in, climbing down the rungs of the ladder until I heard the soft splash of water that suggested he'd jumped the remaining distance and landed. I looked up at the sky, the greyish day and then followed, thinking, hell, I've been in worse situations than this.

Or maybe I hadn't as I jumped, replicating 'Fei's move and found myself knee deep in dirty water, the sound of scuttling rats amplified by the curved walls. I thought for a second how unpleasant the water around my legs was but then just looked up at dark eyes, illuminated by the light from a tablet screen.

"Lead the way."

He did, walking quickly but carefully, the stench of the sewer system filing my nostrils as we walked, and I followed his straight back and the little light from the screen. The sound of scratching on the walls made me cringe a little as I remembered the vague sensation of biting and things crawling over my skin and I tried to ignore it and trudge behind 'Fei, feeling the water sluice around my combat pants.

I wanted to make a joke about this being a new low – an actual wading through shit scenario but instead, I just walked behind him, resolved myself with what I intended to do and thought about how I was gonna kill that arrogant son of a bitch.

It took time to get through the tunnels of the system, drips of water on my head and a few times, I stumbled into 'Fei as he stopped at junctures, figuring out where we were according to his snazzy map and then proceeded further down one way, me following a few steps behind. I hated the fact it was taking us time, that it was unpleasant, that the sounds echoed but I'd do whatever I needed to and I needed to do this shit so I did. Duo Maxwell always gets shit done.

And then Wufei stopped, paused, looked at the map and then pointed left down one tunnel. "The end of this one and then up the ladders."

"Then we run?"

"We run."

I reached out to his arm, touching his bicep, feeling the heavy material of the combat clothing and I wanted to say so much. Thank him for everything, thank him for doing all this shit for me and yet I couldn't say everything I needed to when we needed to be saving Heero and making Roth pay.

"Thanks," I said lamely and the word was not enough. It was never a fucking enough for 'Fei. Not for everything he'd done for me but it was all I had.

"I always said I'd do the honourable thing."

The words reminded me of his kiss, the brush of lips on my forehead and in the dim light, I saw his dark eyes shine. I swallowed, a lump in my damn throat all of a sudden, and decided this time was not for gooey feelings even if I felt them. Maybe I should've asked him to be my best man at our wedding or something sucky like that but hell, it was the stupidest idea I'd ever had so I let it go.

"After me, I guess?"

There were no more words as I got to the rungs of the ladders and started to climb up, the metal feeling slippy against my gloved hands as I ascended. I reached the top, the metal of the cover, and I pushed up with all my strength, feeling the sunlight on my skin that felt a little more reassuring even if it was dull and grey. As I'd never been claustrophobic, I'd never been scared of tunnels or shit but maybe I'd never had rats pawing all over me before.

I knew 'Fei was just behind me as I pushed the cover to the side and then pulled myself up as quickly as I could, seeing the entrance to the hospital, and making a low run for it. I heard some shouts, I think I even heard gunfire but it was ineffective as I raised my own automatic weapon, firing a burst of bullets into the glass door and I heard the panel shatter just before I bounded through, I turned my head to see Wufei follow and I kept running until I was out of the stupid ass reception area and was able to take a breath. But that, my friends, was a dumb as fuck idea as suddenly there was an attack as shit, Roth never was undefended, never was alone. He was a born manipulator and he always had followers, always had people who died for him and these would be no exception.

The first bullets were fired and I ducked, fell, then rolled, using my gun as I did. I heard a cry and figured that someone had been hurt and I looked up cautiously to see a corridor painted in harsh white, lit by nothing but the grey daylight and a guy on the floor with another guy hovering over him, looking at the wound.

The guy looking down had a small handgun in his hand and suddenly, without any care, he shot the wounded guy in the head. It would've shocked me, you know, in another time, in another place but fuck, it seriously didn't and I used his lack of concentration on me to run towards him, tackling him and letting the gun skid across the floor.

I straddled the guy, in a not fun way, and looked down at an older guy, stubble and scars and grey bags under his eyes. I withdrew the knife, the blade pretty damn wicked looking and I pushed it to the guys throat with enough force to draw a little blood but without any real intent. Not that I wouldn't kill this fucker. For me, all of Roth's men could die bloody and awful deaths. As this could be the man that had tortured Heero. This could be one of the men who had tortured Heero – maybe damn enjoyed punching and kicking him and burning him and cutting him or whatever else they did.

Those thoughts made me see fucking red, the mist coming over my eyes and I felt like I was no longer Duo Maxwell and fuck it felt oddly good not to be  _him_ anymore. As I felt like Shinigami and I would do whatever I needed to.

"Where's Heero Yuy?"

He laughed at me and I pushed the blade in further and this time, I was really not fucking around.

"Work it out yourself."

The guy was not gonna help and I had no patience. I lifted my blade from his throat and gripped his head between my hands, lifting it up and then slamming the back of his skull against the hard tiled surface. It did what I intended and I hopped to my feet, leaving him on the floor, dazed as I looked around expecting to see Wufei to find… he was not there. I stopped for a second thinking I should go find him. His words echoed in my head. The honourable thing. The honourable thing would be to never leave a man behind. But I had one objective and I thought like the soldier I had once been, stepping over the corpse and incapacited man, running then up a flight of stairs, making my way to the roof, hoping... hoping it was going to be easy. Hoping that I could save Heero.

I knew what I planned on doing as I ran up the stairs feeling my adrenalin surge and my heart beat faster, the da dum ringing in my ears. I planned on doing my last stupid thing. My body was pretty fucked, I knew that, bruised and too damn used up and I was only a kid. And the pacemaker… my heart was already damaged and Heero… Heero wasn't damaged.

Heero was perfect. And worth ten of me and I would offer my death for Heero's as shit, I was the one that Roth had wanted. I was always the one he wanted. Son of L2. Fucked with his plans. And I would die for Heero. I was not afraid to do it. Not afraid to be shot, not afraid as long as I knew Heero would live as he would get over me. He would as he was stronger than me. Better than me and he'd lived and love someone else and I'd be damn happy at that thought. As I had nothing left but anger and pain and revenge. I loved him, hell, I fucking loved him but I couldn't be what he wanted or needed.

I knew the way to the roof and I hopped up multiple stairs at a time, taking it fast, too damn fast as I felt my breathing become laboured but I needed to get there quick and confront Roth. I got to the door and while I expected it guarded, locked or something, it wasn't, it was open and I knew that I was expected.

With a shove, I barged through the door and walked out onto the flat roof, and felt the attack from multiple angles, my body crashing to the rough ground, my cheek pressed into the asphalt. I felt a booted foot against my face and I looked and I saw Heero for the first time in too fucking long. It had only been days, brief days, but seeing him made me feel so much better. And it made me confirm I was doing the right thing.

His eyes met mine and I could see he was in pain, that he was a little drugged and a little light headed or something but those blue eyes were still piercing. Still burning through my soul and I saw how his hair moved in the wind, the way it blew over his face, the way his jaw was firmly set in determination or defiance even when he was knelt on the harsh ground, even when he had a gun pointed at his head.

"Heero," I mouthed, the word on my lip felt good, directed towards him and I thought about his name – his name that was as false as my own, but was his. And I thought of all the times I'd said it and how it didn't matter that it wasn't his as it felt right, it was him, the boy I'd fallen for in the middle of a fucking war and the man he'd become. The next words I mouthed would've made me feel like some sap even a few days ago but now I mouthed them, meeting his eye and I tried to say everything to him in a glance.

That he was the only one I'd ever fucking wanted. That he was the man I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That I'd wanted it to be us forever and I'd agreed to do something as dumb as fuck as marrying him. But all I did was mouth three words.

"I love you."

And then I looked up to see who the motherfucker was who had their goddamn boot on my face and I knew, I fucking knew it'd be him.

"I thought you'd be dead."

"Lot harder to kill me than that. You should learn not to leave me anywhere to die and actually pull the fuckin' trigger."

He snorted and his boot left my face, him leaning down, and pushing the barrel of the gun where his foot had been moment before. "I think that's a good idea."

"Wait!" I said and he smirked. "You can kill me – however you fucking want, I will jump off this goddamn building in front of the world's press, scream who the fuck I am or whatever the hell you want – if you let Heero go. I'm the one you want dead. I killed your daughter."

For a second, I glanced back over to Heero and I saw his eyes widen and him mouth "no" but it was too late as I saw him grabbed and I was being hauled to my feet, all my weapons removed and I was tempted to run towards him, to touch him one last time – to ask a dying man's wish but I had no way to bargain and I had nothing else to give but my life. And Roth could take it. For Heero he could take it.

"Deal," Roth said, "get Yuy out of here."

I tried to communicate with Heero, to let this happen but damn, I should've fucking known. As Heero wouldn't let me go down without a fight, wouldn't let me die when he could die, and it seemed like we were both the same stubborn asshole.

As a split second after he acted, so did I and on the roof above Brussels, all motherfucking hell broke loose. And Shinigami don't mind causing a bit of hell.

 


	19. Ready to Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Ready to Fall - Rise Against

I had no weapon and neither did Heero but shit, even injured Heero's body was a weapon and I saw the guy behind him bleed from a well-aimed elbow in the face and I took that moment to grab for the gun in the guy behinds me hand, he fired, two bullets going into the rooftop and I bent back the arm sharply, getting the weapon and quickly turning to aim it in his leg somewhere. It didn't matter as I had to duck, had to tackle Roth who fired his own weapon, the searing pain of the graze of a bullet on my arm.

This felt like battle, the sound of gunfire, the smell of sweat and the blood rushing in my ears. All I knew now was I needed to kill Roth, that I needed him fucking dead but as I tackled his body, as I ended up rolling on the floor with him, I knew that was gonna be harder than I thought as hands were around my throat, so tight, and I was clawing at those fingers around my neck, feeling the pressure from those digits and starting to black out.

I felt my senses dull as I lay on my back, looking up at the man who had caused me so much goddamn pain in my life. I saw his eyes, saw the way a vein bulged in his temple as he damn attempted to choke me and I thought about how Solo had looked in my arms. How I'd been a kid, how he'd been in my arms, how the blood had been on his lips, the foam of his dying rattling breaths coming from his lungs. And then I tried to move my head, tried to get some visual on Heero as I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own blood and my heart beat rattling in my chest – ba dum, ba dum. But I couldn't as I attempted to loosen those fingers, as I attempted to claw at him in any way I could, buck up with my hips, my legs, kick out but I was weaker than usual anyway, I was too damn weak to fight him and shit, he was going to goddamn kill me.

He loosened his fingers for a second, leaned down to my cheek and I felt his hot breath on my skin and I flinched, tried to jerk away as I felt the sickness of him being in close proximity to me. I fucking hated it.

"I am going to enjoy watching you die. And this time I will not leave you until you stop breathing."

The brief respite from his damn choking me made me gasp out a breath before his hands were tight around my neck again and I tried struggling, tried it, but I felt weak, my heart beat fucked and my arm hurting and this was what I'd wanted but I'd wanted to know 'Ro was safe first and fuck if I knew. So I struggled some more, pointlessly, tried to keep my eyes looking up into his eyes as if he was going to kill me, he could see it slip from my eyes, he could watch it and I would make him.

Then there was no pressure and I figured after every fucking thing it was finally done, the shitty life full of death and violence and fighting was over. And I wouldn't hurt anyone else again by doing some dumb as fuck thing as love them. But instead of whatever the hell was next, I was feeling pain again, radiating from the damn bullet hole and my heart beat was so fucking loud and I was definitely alive and looking up into a grey sky as I guessed dying – dying was probably less painful than living.

I turned my head, feeling the small bits of stone or whatever shit that lined the roof dug into my face and I saw then what had stopped Roth. There were none of his men on the roof standing, all incapacitated and I had no time to see if they were dead or just injured. The guys I'd taken down were bleeding steadily and I looked up to see Heero fighting Roth.

There was a moment I tried to move but every part of me felt like a dead weight so I found myself watching as my dumb body gave up. I saw Heero punch, I saw Roth return it and I saw Heero's strength was not all it usually was as his punches, while effective, were nothing like when he'd slammed his fist into my stomach or my face. And Roth's punches were destabilising him, shit I'd never seen happen to him, and they hit him. Which again, was shit I'd never seen as 'Ro could block. Man, could he block and now his reaction times were slow and I could tell he was weak.

I rolled, getting to my hands and knees to push myself up as I grabbed for a weapon, any damn gun and looked up to see the punches had stopped and Heero was wrestling with the dude, his hands around his neck, his knee trying to connect with his groin. Heero usually fought with this kinda grace, I guess, this kinda style and he had none of it. He was brawling like I would, no flair, no artistry, just doing whatever he could do to hurt his opponent.

My fingers clasped around a handgun, not my own and I shakily got to my feet, feeling the breeze of being up high, ruffling my hair and making me shiver as I raised the weapon. Which I couldn't fucking shoot as they were too damn close. Hey, I'm a fucking amazing shot but my vision was still a little blurry, my senses not all working that damn amazingly and I sure as fuck was not going to fire when I could accidentally get Heero. I didn't want to shoot him. Not this time.

"'Ro!" I shouted, my voice weak from where I'd been choked for however damn long and he looked, his blue eyes meeting mine and he figured out what I damn well wanted. That he wanted me to get Roth within a position where I could shoot his ass. But I was a distraction. Always had been.

I thought about the war – about those first fucks, me riding him and taking control, as I was a liability, his weakness, his distraction and shit, right now I was again. I was always the thing that put him danger. That got him killed. I thought of his rescue after my capture. I thought of everything as I watched Roth use his moment of distraction to gain some leverage, some advantage.

And I watched in fucking horror as they wrestled together, as Roth pushed him to the edge of the building, and I knew what the goddamn fucker was trying to do and I ran, or tried to, my limbs not working or time going funny or  _something_ as I watched Heero lose footing, as I saw him stumble, as I saw him grab for Roth. As I saw him fucking fall.

My heart stopped. My mouth opened and I shouted his name. It was like watching his self-destruct but a million times worse as I loved him now. I loved him so fucking much.

My reactions were slow but I was moving, moving as I saw Roth pulled with him, as I got to the edge to look down and see… Shit, I did not want to see as maybe he'd been able to survive a fall from a high rise as a genetically enhanced teenager but he was wounded, injured, been tortured and J was long since dead. Fuck if he'd survive. And there was no hill to roll down, no chute to pull even at the last minute, there was only hard concrete.

I got to the edge, looked down and met his blue eyes, could see where his fingers were gripping a ridge in the building within arm's reach of the edge, his knuckles white from the pressure and I saw further down, that Roth had hold of his leg. His face was set in a grim line of determination and I reached over, offering my hand to help.

"No," Heero said, his mouth moving and I couldn't figure out why he said no.

"I'm not letting you fall, asshole," was my quick retort. As fuck, there was gonna be no stupid shit and I leaned over the edge, my legs anchoring and my hand trying to grab him. "Hold my hand."

"We're too heavy, I can't let go."

I growled, looking down to see where Roth was clinging on to Heero and fuck, I knew that in his condition Heero couldn't hold both of them up for long. But then neither could I. And Heero would have to take all that damn weight on one hand to get hold of mine. I didn't think I could do it and Heero knew I couldn't – I could see the calculations spinning around his head and fuck, I was not gonna let him fall.

"No, don't you goddamn dare let go!"

He met my eye. "I can't hold on."

"Kick the fucker, I'll get you."

I didn't know if this would work but I was damned if I was gonna let him go without a fight, I grabbed hold of his wrist, trying to give him extra support and he kicked out, the gesture causing Roth to make a shout but not loosen his grip.

"Do it again, I got you."

It was the most soothing damn way I could say it and 'Ro kicked out, the movement making him go further away from the wall and with the momentum, Roth fell. But I couldn't goddamn celebrate him falling, screaming out as he did, thudding to the concrete underneath as Heero had let go of the ledge with the one hand that had been gripping on and I now was the only thing that was stopping him from joining Roth on the ground.

Or my hand around his wrist. And fuck, he was all muscle and I bet I could barely hold him when I was at full fucking strength but now… shit now there was no chance of me keeping hold.

"Give me your other hand. I can't fuckin' hold you like this."

He didn't and I felt his wrist slip a little as I tried to keep hold, as I damn tried to hold onto the edge, as I tried to keep my legs anchored to the sides so I didn't go falling down with him.

"Let go."

"No."

"You can't pull me up and you'll fall too."

I made a noise low in my throat that sounded damn dangerous. "I love you, asshole. I'm not letting go."

I felt him shift and I knew I couldn't hold him much longer and shit…

"Duo," he said and I tried not to damn scream or something, "let me go."

Fuck, I was losing my grip on him but I was not letting go. As he was the best fucking thing that had ever damned happen to me and I would never fucking let him fall but my palms were sweaty and shit, I couldn't physically hold him much longer. The pain in my chest was palpalble. The pain from where the bullet grazed and I couldn't damn keep my grip on him.

"I love you," he said and I closed my eyes for a second, not able to meet his deep blues as I couldn't imagine my fucking life without him now. The ring around my finger felt like a goddamn noose and I was not gonna be able to just move on from him.

He slipped again and my heart rapid beats were hammering in my ears and I fucking couldn't do anything. Another moment of someone I love dying without any way of stopping it.

And then I knew I'd let go. That I couldn't hold on. My arms shaking, my body unable to pull him up and I groaned loud, in pain, in fucking anguish as shit… he was going to fall.

But then there was another pair of hands, someone else for Heero to grip onto and I found myself falling not forward to the cold hard asphalt but back onto the roof top.

It took a moment to figure everything out as Wufei hauled Heero up, both of them falling beside me and it took me a few seconds to launch myself at Heero with whatever strength I had left. Which was so fucking little. Wufei moved back, getting to his feet and I saw him from the corner of my eye make some kinda contact on a cell or tablet or something but fuck if I cared as I felt Heero for the first time since the whole goddamn nightmare started.

He smelt of sweat and blood and gunshot residue. He smelt like Heero and all I could do was touch him, kiss any spot I could damn get to and fuck, he responded, with less enthusiasm but he responded. And when our lips met, it was rushed and gentle and a million different things and it was too fucking intense. I backed off, my heart too big in my chest and I looked at him, at how he was damn tired, wounded, hurt, and I ran my hand to the side of his face where a cut had marred his skin, some sadistic asshole with a blade and I felt the dirt and sweat and blood on my fingertips.

"I was never gonna let you fall, Heero."

He didn't respond, instead, he wrapped a hand around me, found the base of my braid and pulled me towards him, the kiss his answer and I fucking melted into him.

As shit, it was over and he was alive. And I was alive. And despite the mess we were both in, we both had each other and fuck, I never wanted anything else in my life.

 


	20. Drown in You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Drown in You - Daughtry

I watched the smoke from my cigarette trail up into the night air, looking up at a clear sky, a few stars out that I could see because of the light pollution in the damn city. We were in the suburbs, making it less bright, but still. I sat on the stoop of this safehouse, looking out into a normal neighbourhood. It was a Preventer safehouse and damn, I think if 'Fei wasn't banging Merquise we'd have been court marshalled and be on our way to an asteroid prison. Or maybe it was because of who we were and the fact we'd both nearly died bringing down a sociopathic asshole. Whatever. We were hidden, safe, and I looked out in a garden with flowers and pruned bushes and shit, it felt wrong and weird to be sat, free, free from Roth. As I'd seen his body, looked down before I'd leave that fucking roof and his blood had splashed on the sidewalk and he was dead. No more retribution. It was done. And Solo could fucking rest.

I chuckled under my breath. Solo was avenged, I guess, but it didn't make me feel better. Only made me feel a little sad as I thought of everything. And it didn't stop me missing him or thinking of his advice or learning how to fight under his careful eyes. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson and all. That revenge never fucking worked. It never seemed I would.

I heard the cough behind me and I glanced up.

"Can I join you?"

"Free country," I answered, pushing down the butt of the cigarette into the step and watching Wufei as he sat down beside me.

We didn't say anything, a damn awkward pregnant pause, and I looked head on at some roses rather than to my side to him.

"You been fired?"

Wufei let out a bark of a laugh. "I resigned, remember?"

"You ain't going back?"

"I think it's time to stop fighting for me," he said softly and I turned, his expression was wistful, and I guess he was thinking of something. "I plan to study. In London."

"Near Zechsy baby, right?" I teased.

He raised one eyebrow. "It will be convenient yes… but I want to study somewhere with history."

I nodded and sighed, leaning back on my hands, my fingertips feeling the cold of the stone underneath them as I let myself look up to the sky.

"And you?"

I blinked and focused back on Wufei who was scanning my body. "Don't know. Me and 'Ro ain't had time to discuss it all… home ain't an option."

Wufei nodded as he knew as well as I did that our home, my business, our old life had been completely fucked. As showing 'Ro over the entire world's screens had kinda made it impossible for our identities to be kept secret and a few assholes from the area had called up news networks, telling anyone who would damn well listen about that fact that the war hero from the newscasts had lived near them. So shit, that was all gone. I felt nostalgic for it for a moment, thinking of how we'd lived and how we were never going back. But hell, we'd been through too fucking much I guess, too much had changed for us just to go back to that… I twirled my ring around my finger and sighed.

"Yeah, guess, we'll figure it out."

There was a long moment of silence then and I guess it was time to say thanks – for saving my ass, risking his life, sacrificing his job but man, I just looked dumbly at the sky, feeling the words were too big on my fucking tongue. Stuck in my goddamn throat.

"I should go," he said, getting to his feet in a graceful motion I couldn't manage with my body still pretty damn fucked.

"Yeah… guess we'll see you around."

I was on my feet, my hands in the pockets of my jeans, not sure what to do now. But then he fucking surprised me, going for some kinda loose hug that I reciprocated with an awkward pat on the back. When he let go, I gave him a look that suggested that I didn't know what the fuck I'd done to deserve that and he shrugged as he began to walk away.

"Hey!" I said and he turned, his sharp eyes on my face. "You tell Zechsy that if he fucks around with you , I'll kill him and it will be a fuckin' slow and painful torture."

"I will."

I watched him go, the Preventer vehicle parked on the street and I sighed, looked to see our team of friendly agents checking up on us and walked back inside the house, lingering only a little.

Maybe I was being a little bit of a damn coward as shit, here I was, after everything we'd been through, avoiding Heero. Okay, not exactly avoiding as he was out cold for the first twenty four hours, drugged to stop him from hurting himself and making him stay the fuck in bed. And after that, well the docs had sedated him a little, and I'd just sat beside him as he slept. But fuck, I felt guilty every second, seeing each wound, each cut of a blade, each bruise that showed how bad he'd been beaten and I was being a fucking coward as I knew I didn't damn deserve him and I'd been the cause of it. And fuck, it made me sick.

But I got some damn courage and walked back inside the safehouse, walking past our agents and giving them a nod as I walked up the stairs to the room we'd been sleeping in. I thought about taking a shower, getting rid of the smell of smoke from my hair and skin but instead, I walked to the room and saw he was not only awake, but propped up, managed to grab a tablet and reading.

"You're meant to be resting, babe."

He grunted and looked up, seeing the way I leaned against the doorframe, utterly fucking casual. Or that's what I was going for.

"Wufei left?"

"Yeah," I answered, "just a fleeting visit, I guess. Just wanted to see how fucked up we both were."

Heero made a noise and I walked across the room as he put down the tablet and I felt something damn ache every time I got close as I saw… I saw everything those fuckers had done and it made my heart beat fast and my blood boil.

"We can't go home," he said, softly and I nodded as I sat down on the bed, resting on the edge, trying not to damn touch him. I just didn't want to hurt him and he reached for where my arm rested on the bed.

"Yeah, guess not."

"Stop," he said and I looked up then, meeting his eye.

"It was my fault, fuck… look at what they did to you… all because of me. Shit, I never fucking deserved you but this? But this… shit…"

I attempted to make a move but his fingers tightened around my wrist and he pulled me, pretty damn hard considering he was still fucking injured and he grabbed the back of my head with the other hand, forcing me to fucking look at him, really look at him. And I saw how his eyes showed he was still fucking tired or that he was still a little drugged, so those cuts and bruises, some stubble on his jaw but mostly I was looking into those blue eyes.

"Roth did it. Not you.

"But -"

"Shut the fuck up," he growled and I stopped as 'Ro didn't swear a lot and shit, when he did it kinda meant something. "I love you. You are not running away from me."

He leaned forward, bridging the distance, and he captured my lips with his in a kiss that was needy and hot and slick and I was reaching out to touch, his bare chest, bandaged and then I recoiled, remembered how much pain he was probably in as I back off.

"You're hurt," I said and he ignored my protest, mashing our lips together like I dreamed we'd get chance to do again, my mind fucking reeling from having him with me, close, wanting me.

Any reluctance was starting to vanish as I reached for him, finding my body instinctively straddling him, Heero laying back onto the bed and I couldn't stop kissing him, couldn't stop running my fingers over him, feeling bandages and scars and fuck, I bit down on his lip, feeling him moan into my kiss and I pulled back to look down at him.

"I'm not made of glass. Touch me like you mean it."

I chuckled. "You know I never listen to you when you order me around, right?"

His hand reached to the bottom of my t-shirt, lifting it up and I moved back to remove it as he leaned up to kiss my abs, my stomach, everywhere that wasn't covered by the fucking bandage and I found my head going back as his hand delved into the sweatpants I'd been wearing and he began to stroke me, making me go from half way to hard to fully hard with a few of his firm strokes.

"'Ro, shit…" I murmured and he reached to the pants, pushing them, and I awkwardly slid them off, not moving off him like I shoulda done, but wriggling so that they bunched around my legs and then I kicked them off. I was naked then and he looked up at me, ran his fingertips over my sides, my arms, my ribs, and he could see all my bites and scratches and wounds.

"We both went through hell."

I swallowed, my body shivering at his touch and I reached down to where he was only wearing boxers, helping slide them off, noticing a few more cuts on his thighs. Once they were off, I looked down at him, my hands at either side of his torso and our faces close, our breaths ghosting across each other.

"You sure you're up to this?"

"You're just gonna have to do all the work."

I gave him a little smirk, brushed across his lips. "No problem."

It wasn't as I kissed every damn part of him, lapping and licking at him, tracing all those fucking scars. I ran my lips over each one, each bruise on his tanned skin, and I traced scratches with my tongue.

He moaned as sucked on his skin, as I reached my hand to touch his dick, long slow strokes that were driving him wild if any damn indication of the noises he was making. His head was thrown back as I looked up through my bangs, his hair covering his eyes, a hand over his face and I tried to wash away all those memories of pain and torture with me, my body, my mouth, my hands.

I wanted him to feel good. So fucking good that and I felt his hand on my shoulder, felt him reach for that tattoo and then to my hair, and I let my mouth trail lower, licking at his abs where they were covered by a goddamn bandage and then reached to his dick, looking up at his expression as I lightly sucked the head, letting my lips slide around him.

He bucked up, said my name or something and I knew that it was working, that he was feeling good and his body was reacting to something pleasurable. Not all that damn pain. His fingers tightened in my hair as I took more in my mouth, as I licked and sucked, as I tasted him on my tongue. I never thought I'd have this. Heero. Here. Underneath me. In bed with me. I never thought I'd damn touch him. Suck him off. Fuck him. Love him. So shit, I wanted him to see stars.

My rhythm increased, I let him thrust in and out a little, letting him move his hips and I only stopped him when I felt he was close, that hitch in his breath, the tremble of his thighs. I lifted my head up, taking a long lick around the slit to taste him and then moved up to kiss him.

"I need to go get something."

He didn't ask what something was as I hopped off the bed to the bathroom. This was a Preventer safehouse and there would be something useable as lube as they were stocked with everything that was needed for a stay but shit, I was not expecting actual lube. I looked at it and then noticed a little sticky note and I think I might have gagged a little if I thought about it too much.

Use it wisely.

There was nothing else on the damn thing. Not that it needed anymore. I was shaking my head as I walked back in, seeing him on the bed, his body damaged and bruised but utterly fucking perfect, his hand stroking himself and I held up the tube.

"Someone left us something."

"You're joking?"

I smirked as I climbed back onto the bed between his spread legs and I leaned down for a lingering kiss. "I'm not – there's a little post-it on it and everything." His hand had stopped his motion and I moved my hand to replace it, smooth strokes that made him grunt in appreciation of my skills. "Come on, the idea isn't that off-putting, babe. Wufei's very aware we have sex. And he has sex. So you know, we just say thank you to our lube fairy and move on."

He snorted. "Lube fairy? Please say that to his face."

I laughed, doing it as deep and as sexy as I damn well could and I'd already opened the tube, applied some to my fingers and slipped one inside, teasing a little, trying to be as careful as I could. I watched for any reactions, any pain, and I worked it inside while stroking his dick, while I kissed at his neck. I'd never wanted him more but I was patient, ignoring how hard I damn was, how much I wanted to come. Fuck, I had to as I never wanted this to be painful.

As soon as I was moving two, then three fingers, Heero's breathing was increasing and I stopped stroking him, only continued the mouthing and lapping and licking at his pulse. He told me with his body that he wanted to move on, sex was not when we did our communicating verbally, and when he was pushing back into my hand I damn well knew and I met his lips, kissing him as I slipped my fingers out, groping for the lube and squirting some onto my fingers. Hey, who said men couldn't multi-task as then I released his lips, saw him a little flushed, his blue eyes so damn dark in the low lighting and I positioned myself, him moving one leg to my waist, the other he draped over my elbow as I used my hand to help me slide into him.

I did it so damn slowly, carefully, my own breathing so damn erratic, my heart beat so damn fast but this time the ba dums were not because I was close to death but because I was close to him. And fuck, I never thought I wold be again. Once I was inside, I took a deep breath, looked down, and found his hand, the one with the ring on and I entwined our fingers before I moved, moving my hips a little, in and out, in small motions until he had adjusted, until his body was ready.

I wanted to fuck him forever, I wanted to be connected, joined, whatever with him for as long as I possibly could but I knew there was too much for it to last. Too much pain, emotion, pent up desire, and need. So much goddamn need that I found myself moving faster, worried for a second that I was hurting him, but fuck he pushed into me, meeting me thrust for thrust, his free hand gripping onto my bicep for leverage.

"You feel... Fuck...so good," I babbled as he did, he felt perfect - me inside him, his dick brushing my abs as I leaned over, our lips clashing, noses bumping, skin slippery with sweat and our hands connected.

"You too," he grunted and I increased my pace, pounding him harder into the mattress as he bucked up against me, into me, wanting me and I closed my eyes, dropped my head to his collarbone and rolled my hips, hearing his noises, knowing I was doing something damn right when he clawed at my skin, a long drawn out moan coming from his lips.

"I can't..." he said and I couldn't articulate, I only thrust in, a few more times, the friction of his dick against my body making him come and that sensation, him pulling me into him further with his leg, him arching up, made me come so fucking hard, my body feeling pleasure in every damn nerve.

I collapsed onto him, sweaty and sticky and damn exhausted but happy.

"I think I saw stars," I mumbled against his chest.

His body moved underneath me and he laughed that soft little laugh I thought I'd never damn hear again.

I rolled off him inelegantly, splaying myself on the bed, hot and sticky but so damn happy and sated.

"What next?" I asked after a few moments of silence, my head turning to look into his eyes.

"A shower?"

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder for his deadpan response. "Naw for us."

He reached for my hand with the ring and ran his thumb over the metal band.

"This... The rest we figure out later."

"No plan, Yuy?" I teased.

"Let's be reckless."

"Yeah?" I moved then, finding a spot on his chest and he answered, a low "yeah" and I relaxed on his body, feeling his fingers caress my skin, my hair, tracing the patterns of the angel of my tattoo and damn... It truly was over and it didn't matter there was no fucking plan as I had 'Ro and I would never let him fall.

 


	21. Epilogue - Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Crash - You Me at Six

"Bourbon on the rocks."

The guy behind the bar clinked ice into a glass, pouring over the booze and handed it over with a nod and a smile.

"Thanks, buddy," I said as I turned, leaning against the bar and taking a sip as it was damn smooth.

I looked around the shindig that had turned out to be a lot damn fancier than I'd thought it would be though thank fuck there were only a few damn people. I guess I couldn't damn complain being that it was for us but me and 'Ro had a plan. It was a simple plan. Pick some random court house. Get some random people off the street to witness and boom! Married. Quick, efficient and done. But hey… my life had been one fuck ton of not going according to plan so I guess this wasn't going to either.

My eyes found Heero, his suit jacket gone, his tie a little loose and he was talking to 'Lena, his head leaning to listening to her words and I smiled and watched until I decided I needed a moment. You know, big day and all. I supposed he was thanking her, you know, as shit she'd hosted, given us somewhere private and I hadda say something to the Princess at some point in the night. See if she remembered my promise to get her drunk. Huh. That would be my priority for the rest of the damn night, I thought, get Relena drunk. I chuckled to myself as I walked out of the open glass doors, the weather pretty damn nice and I walked onto the grass, a little damp from an earlier rain shower and I didn't give a shit about my suit. And I didn't have to give a shit about my shoes as hell, I'd decided Converse went with the whole look. As shit, I was getting married, that was traditional enough, I was gonna do a little of the old Maxwell style and shit around with it.

And now I was. You know. Married. No hyphenated name or shit like that. Only some small ceremony with as little words as we could say to make it damn legal. A few friends and that was all. A little party afterwards that may have included a fully stocked bar and a band but I guess for Relena that was "little". Different perspectives and all.

I continued my walk, finding a spot on the grass and sitting down, feeling the wet grass on my suit pants as I leaned back to look at the stars, my fingers keeping a grasp on the glass. I needed a little time, I guessed, and for a damn change I didn't pull out a pack of smokes as I decided now… now was the time to start taking a little more care of myself. No more crazy stunts. No more shit that made my heart feel like it was gonna jump outta my chest and so the smokes went. I guess it made 'Ro happy. He hated the smell of that shit.

It was then I heard footsteps and as expected, I turned to see Quat, his suit and hair looking a little dishevelled and I raised an eyebrow as he sat down beside me.

"Please tell me you and Tro didn't do the nasty at my wedding?"

"I'm not saying anything," he said in faux innocence.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "I'm so not gonna think about it."

"Good," he replied with a little laugh, "don't."

My response was only a smirk as damn, if it were Quat and Tro's wedding, would me and Heero sneak off? Probably. So shit. I didn't blame them. Maybe I was just a little jealous as I'd not been with Heero just to myself since this morning's lazy fuck. Huh. Even when you were doing this whole shebang simple, we barely saw each other. But I guess we had the rest of lives for that.

"You know we tried to keep this secret."

"I have contacts everywhere."

"Yeah, shoulda known," I said wistfully as really, I didn't mind that Quat had found out, that it became this thing, that I'd worn a suit that I'd now rolled up my sleeves and lost my tie. As really, I supposed they should be here. Should be by our sides after every fucking thing we went through. Wars, near death, and a whole ton of other shit besides.

"What next?" he asked and I glanced over, seeing his sex mussed hair and sighed.

"Gonna travel a while, work it out, disappear for a bit. Me and him, you know?"

"You'll keep in touch?"

"'Course," I said, hearing the way his tone was low, "no more running and hiding and all. We'll be in touch just after everything…."

I shrugged as there were no words. As after everything we needed time to heal, we needed time to rest and sleep and fuck in every way imaginable and work out what we wanted from our future.

His hand reached for my arm, brushing the tattoos he could see as the sleeve was rolled up to my elbows. "Just don't run away from us again."

"Promise, Q, brothers."

It was then I leaned over, giving him a bear hug, and when we parted, he looked up and got to his feet.

"I'll leave you with your husband."

I gave him a little wave, still a little freaked by the word "husband" as Heero sat behind me, so I could lean back into his chest, feel his breathing and he could wrap his arms around me. His mouth was at my neck, him nosing away the braid and I relaxed back into him, into his warmth, his skin, the familiar scent and shit, I was fucking content in this moment.

"Think we can escape yet?"

He snickered and kissed at my neck. "A little while longer."

I made a "humph" noise. "I kinda want the honeymoon to start, babe," I said, running my fingers up his thigh, feeling his warm hot breath on my skin.

"Soon," he promised and I let my hand find his, quitting my teasing as shit, maybe blowing him on the grass outside Relena's mansion wasn't my classiest idea. It could wait a few more hours.

We sat, looking up at the damn sky and I thought, all those years ago, when I'd sat here smoking and Quat had told me how I was dick and how far we'd come. I'd come. As shit here I was and there was no more running.

I moved, offering my hand as he looked up at me through his bangs. "Better go play nice for a while, right 'Ro?"

He nodded and we walked back to the Peacecraft estate our arms wrapped around each other, his hand sliding into my pocket and giving me a little grope on my ass. I leaned close, resting my head against his as we walked side by side, together and there was one more thing I hadda do before we bailed. One person I had to talk to.

I saw him and we hadn't spoken to him today, not seen him since the Prev safe house and I dragged 'Ro with me even though he was damn reluctant - walking towards 'Fei and Zechs.

"Congratulations," Zechs said, offering a hand and we both did the polite thing, so damn old fashioned. I bit my tongue and stopped saying something damn snarky about tall and blond but it was only because I could see Wufei was relaxed, kinda happy, I guess, at least for him, and he leaned a little close to Zechs and he looked content. And I was damn glad.

"You know you hurt him at all, I'll kill you," I said, glaring up at Zechs all serious.

Zechs smirked but nodded. "I understand. You Gundam pilots are very protective of your own. It's admirable."

My hand had snaked to Heero's grasping his and squeezed as yeah, we'd kill for our own and do whole lot fucking worse.

"Thanks...'Fei," I said, my eyes meeting his straight on, "for everything. You got us to this... Without you..."

It was as damn near as feelings we were ever gonna get, me and Wufei as shit...neither me or Heero would be here without him. I saw him nod, a short curt movement of his head and I guess that was us done. I leaned close to 'Ro, asking whether we could now bail and he said a quiet "yeah" against my hair and we were ready to walk away, say our last goodbyes but I remembered as we did, to turn to 'Fei.

"Oh and thanks for being our lube fairy," I said with a wink before I turned back, walking next to Heero, leaving the Peacecraft estate to start our new life.

I finally figured that I could stop looking back in anger and vengeance and now it was time for the future. And shit, it was gonna be scary but exciting - a wild ride. And as long as I had Heero, one I didn't want to get off.

 


End file.
